Friday, March 31, 2006

embrace the chaos

When I was preparing to leave grad school, there was a period of time where I was close to panic. Questions flooded my mind:
  • Where would I live in New York City?
  • Would I ever find an apartment?
  • Could I find a job flexible enough to allow me to act?
  • Would I make enough money to be able to pay my rent?
  • How would I get an agent?
Having these concerns floating around your head is enough to drive you crazy. I was choosing a lifestyle that was unstable, with no guarantees of being able to support myself. I didn't know where my next job was going to be, or what it was going to entail, or who I was going to be working with.

I don't remember when the notion clicked in my head, but one day, this thought popped into my head:

Embrace the chaos.

(It was kind of like Field of Dreams, you know, when Kevin Costner starts hearing voices in the cornfield.)

Embracing the chaos means that I fully accept the fact that my future is uncharted. It means that I'm ok with my plans changing, with taking jobs far away from home, and from my loved ones. It gives me freedom and flexibility. And it also allows me to work a job where I usually don't have to get up before ten.

I lose track of this every now and then - get panicky, worry about my checkbook, stuff like that. But, as a friend of a friend says, it is what it is. And when I fully accept my circumstances, and embrace them, I'm good to go.

This was a really long winded way of saying that I'm ok with all hell breaking loose with my schedule. There's a good chance that I may spend half of May taking a super duper road trip with a fellow blogger. I've always wanted to drive cross country, and I may have the opportunity to do just that. And you can bet, if that happens, that I'll be writing about it nonstop. (That's what I did during my significant road trip seven years ago.)

Off to freshen up the wig. Good weekend to all...

3 comments:

a.maria said...

maybe thats what i need to do... "embrace the chaos"..

lordy knows theres no shortage of it in my life!

a road-trip with a fellow blogger?! i need me some of that action!

Melissa said...

Embraces all around!

You MUST take photographs. Lots of photographs. Pictures of every aspect of your trip. I've always wanted to drive cross-country and since it's not in my summer plans you'll have to be my conduit to traversing the nation in a vehicle with a friend. It sounds amazing.

P.S. Tell your mom we should have tea. Preferrably assam. It's my favorite.

bellacara said...

great thoughts....great inspirations and i wish i could take that road trip with you!!