To the family that sat in the front row of my show tonight:
Thanks for coming out to support live theater, folks. Really, we appreciate it. But, can I make a suggestion for next time? Three, actually:
1. Don't bring ten year olds to play with adult and sophisicated subject matter. It's just going to bore them.
2. If you must bring your child, don't sit in the front row. He's going to be bored, and he's going to be restless, and you're gonna have to explain things to him, and it's kind of distracting to the actors. Especially if they're facing in your direction for an entire scene.
3. This is for the lady sitting next to the child. If you're going to sit in the front row, you might want to try not rocking back and forth and talking so much. See point #2.
Thank you for listening. I must also tell you, Mr. Ten Year Old, that you yelling, "You were great! What a great show!" was very, very cute. And almost made me forget how annoying and distracting you were.