Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dating

Hard to post when you have company in town. But now my company has left :-( so I'm back.

It's always hard for me to write in this blog because I want to remain anonymous, to some extent. This is primarily for two reasons: one, there are a couple of people in the world with whom I do not wish to share my innermost thoughts and feelings; two, it's easy enough to find my real name and picture on the internet, and since the business I'm in is all about image, I don't want to match something up with my name that isn't going to help me get to where I need to go.

That being said, I think I need to stop self-censoring myself here, especially concerning my dating life. The commentors on here that I know in real life probably know all about which girl or girls I'm talking to at any given time, and they're not going to make things any more complicated for me. (Right, guys? Thanks.) And, since dating has been such a big factor/stressor in my life over the past year, I should be writing about it. So, without further ado...

I'm in a situation where, for at least the next year, if not for the forseeable future, I'm going to be living in different cities every couple of months. Several years ago I decided that if I was ever going to be in a position where I was going to be a working actor who could support a family, I was going to have to spend several years on the road developing my career and making contacts. That way, when I decided to settle down in one spot, I would be able to use my contacts to find work, and hopefully I could spend three months on the road a year instead of nine. I could also have a stable home life and a steady stream of income (if that's possible). Then I could buy a house, have kids, etc.

At the time, I was dating a woman who I was convinced was on board with my plan. We discussed marriage, planned our future; I knew, with every fiber of my being, that she was going to be Mrs. Rover. That's no longer the case; in fact, distance was a major factor in the ending of our relationship. And so now I've entered the dating world, which is loads of fun, but I now realize that I'm just not in any one place long enough to develop a relationship with anyone. Six to eight weeks really isn't any kind of basis to start a long-distance relationship, is it? Especially when you don't know where you're going to be in six to eight months.

So now I'm in this relationship purgatory, where I meet wonderful women, where sparks fly and the chemistry is palpable, but where's there's just not enough time to really get into things. As a result, I have all of these half-finished relationships, some more serious than others, but all of them essentially unfulfilling. What's a boy to do?

I'll be providing more information on this topic when I can form my thoughts a bit better, but for now I'd love to hear some reaction to this...

3 comments:

Lady Wyntir said...

Keeping yourself anonymous is the way to go, no matter who you may be.

Now... relationships... that's a hard thing to comment on. But i'll give it a try.

1. Long distance relationships are possible. There are pros and cons, of course. You get a break from your loved one for a while, and when you get together, you appreciate each other a little more. It's tough when you need someone to snuggle with, though.

2. If you want to be in this type of relationship, both parties must be willing to make the sacrifices. This is probably the hardest part - keeping up the loyalty to stick with it!

3. If you don't want to do the long distance, you might be satisfied with "quickies." While this may help with the physical need... ahem. ^_^, it may not be as psycologically fulfilling. But then again, you never know.

It all depends on what you need most. You can use this time to boost your career, since you want to have a family later. Use this time to your advantage ^_^

I just had a conversation about this with a friend who got out of a pretty serious relationship. Since she's still building her career, i told her to "take care of you" for now. What comes will come. She can settle down later, once she's secured her place in the world.

Hope that wasn't too confusing. ^_^

~wyn

Melissa said...

Man, I wish I could say that I have first hand experience that allows me to agree with Lady Wyntir on the long-distance-can-work thing. But I must say that for me that wasn't the case. The man and I did LD for 9 months while I was in Brooklyn and he was in DC and it was super hard. So hard, in fact, that I moved to Miami to be with him.

Granted, those 9 months were filled with all sorts of personal trauma that I'm sure made the distance seem even worse. If my life had been less turbulent could the LD thing have gone on longer? Perhaps. But, it's much better to be with him every day. I'm happier with him in a place I can't stand that I was w/o him in a place I love more than any other place on the planet.

You won't be touring around the country forever, K. You won't. Besides, when you meet the woman who deserves you there will be a way to figure out the distance thing until you can be with her every day. You will figure it out - you both will just figure it out somehow. It's not fun or easy, but if you meet this magical mystery woman before you stop trapsing around for the better parts of your years then you'll make it work.

You don't have an expiration date. You've got plenty of "settle down" time ahead of you. Have fun for now. And occasionally slip me some sordid details so I can live viariously...

April said...

I really don't have anything worthwhile to add to the past two comments...so I won't. ;)

I do have to tell you though, that I love the name of your blog (I found you through a circuitous route that I could never find my way back through!) I'm guessing southern boy??