Thursday, March 08, 2007

the downward spiral

I'm in a bad mood.

It started last night, and it's just gotten worse and worse.

It's one of those spirals, you know, where you start looking for things to be pissed off about?

Most of it revolves around the fact that, threee months ago, I had an audition for a job that I was confident that I was going to get. I knew the people at the theater, and I did a bunch of different things in the audition, and they loved it all. And I talked to the spouse of a well-connected person, who said, "We're hoping that you'll be joining us this summer!"

So, I thought I was going to be packing my bags come mid-May. The Rover, back on the rove.

I found out today that it's not happening.

There had been hints of this for about a month or so, and it wasn't like I was popping champagne corks or spending the money already - I was very aware of them. The people at the theater were saying all of the right things, but I could see how things were playing out, and it didn't look good for me.

(Maxine always says that there's no point in wondering why I didn't get the job, but it's in my nature to analyze all of this shit. I can't help it.)

I know that I'm especially susceptible to these moods when I haven't slept enough. Since I only slept for five hours last night, this would be Exhibit A. Of course, I'm going to be be affected by disappointing news more than normal! Of course, little nit-picky things are going to seem much bigger! I get it!

I'm trying to turn it around, though.

I'm looking for that one positive thing that will change my luck. One spark that will turn things around, change my attitude.

You got anything for me?

1 comment:

DH said...

Nothing off the top of my head, Rover...but let me do some thinking alright? God knows you sent positive vibes my way when I was struggling.

And FWIW...I overanalyze things like that too...drives me crazy.

Good luck!