next post: new year's eve

I need to make sure that I get through the rest of the year before publicly putting out there what I want to put out there.

Hope everyone is well.

guess who's back?

Me!

Hi.

Long time no see, right?

What have I been up to? Well, I'm in Sleepy Hamlet, working my ass off. About to do another one of those West Coast educational tours. We leave this weekend. Going with one of my good friends. So that's exciting.

One of the reasons that I've been gone so long is that I got REALLY sick. I ended up in the hospital for about four days right after my birthday. The final verdict was a bacterial infection. I lost about fifteen pounds and didn't feel right for almost two months in total. I'm still taking five pills a day for another couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll be totally back to normal by Christmas.

Still recovering from the whole Maxine thing. I recently sent her an e-mail, which was our first real communication in six months. She wrote me back today and told me, among other things, she now has a boyfriend. I'm not as freaked out as I thought I would be. Then again, I don't have all the information yet. So I reserve the right to express my angst later.

Speaking of getting over exes, I met a girl here in the Hamlet that I like. I know that she likes me. I don't know if it's continuing past this weekend, when I leave. That's frustrating.

On the whole, however, I have to say that I'm fairly happy with my life. And that's a good thing.

I have to get up in six hours, so I will close for now. I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be back here soon.

limping along

I'm treading water these days, waiting to leave for my next job.

Oh, did I not mention my next job? Hmmm...maybe that's because I've been the WORST BLOGGER EVER. What are you gonna do?

I'm heading back to Sleepy Hamlet. I'm doing a few months out there, visiting schools and doing shows (I did this back in '04 and '05 as well). There was actually a chance that I was going to move back there full time (this is what I was alluding to in the post directly below this one), but I got the word earlier this week that that's not happening. C'est la vie.

Anyway, as a result, I don't have much to do, and I don't have much money to spend, so lately I've been spending my days in my apartment, watching old episodes of MAD MEN and surfing the internet. The highlight of my day is generally when my brother and I have our daily conversation about our flag football team (which got shellacked last weekend). Livin' the dream, folks.

Off to have a conference call.

well, hello there

Long time, no see.

Um...

To tell the truth, I've had a hard time deciding whether or not I wanted to continue writing in here. Anonymity is kind of stifling sometimes. Several times over the past two months I found myself nixing a potential blog entry because I was afraid of "blowing my cover". I mean, come on...half of the people who read this know who I am and where I'm at. Still, though...the last thing I need is for a director or actor to google my name and come up with some of the stories I've told.

Plus, in the aftermath of my breakup, I wanted to get away from a lot of things - and I think this blog was one of them. This place was one of my primary venting and problem solving spaces for that relationship, and sometimes I think that maybe this blog should go the way of that relationship.

However...

I have to admit that there's a life possibility out there for me that would give me a compelling reason to continue. So I'm kind of waiting to see how that plays out before I make any concrete decisions.

And I think a lot of my friends would argue that my life is infinitely more interesting when I'm dating...and these last couple of months have certainly borne that out. Seriously.

What do you think? Have you been jonesing for a fix of The Rover's latest set of issues?

let's try this again

OK, I'm back.

Wait, you didn't know I left again? Well, I did. I had computer issues (again, this time with the actual computer) that prevented me from getting online again - two days after I got internet access in my apartment. What's next, a plague of locusts?

Before we go any farther, however, I'd like to have a minute of silence for my laptop's dearly departed DVD player (three weeks ago) and hard drive (Thursday). They are survived by the rest of my laptop, my iPod, and (thankfully) my external hard drive.









Thank you.

I suppose that my return to blogging is just in time, because I'm about to depart for three different fun places. I head to the beach for a week on Saturday; then, after a week back in the city I go to Sleepy Hamlet for three weeks; and then, after a brief stopover at home, I'm headed to the Alma Mater for a week. It's a full life.

There's so much to report on - how I'm doing post-breakup, how many random dates I've been on since then, how I enjoy living in my own apartment - but I'm going to save them for a time when my body's not running on a salad and twenty ounces of Belgium beer. I PROMISE that updates will now come more frequently.*


* - as long as nothing else freaky happens

i can't believe it

I'm back, baby.

Yeah.

Internet in the crib. So nice.

Uh-huh.

I had the day off from my crappy temp job, and I've spent most of it on the internets, refamiliarizing myself with the lay of the land. It's been pretty nice.

So...expect to see me a lot more. But for right now, please excuse me. I have to prepare for my date.

Wednesday

...marks my triumphant return. I'm looking forward to rejoining the virtual world. It will be interesting to see if I have any readers left...

guess where I am?

A Starbucks.

That's right.

Time Warner Cable has failed me...again. Failed us all, really.

I have no idea when I'll be able to get back online again from home. It's one thing to go a week or two without internet access...but TWO MONTHS? It's ridiculous. I wish I had a better option. (I mean, there are other options, but they all come with super-high prices and/or data limits, which are non-starters for me.)

So...yeah. Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

(sigh)

June 15

That's the date that my internet is supposed to be back up. You're actually pretty lucky that I'm not blogging every day right now - my days aren't very exciting. It's usually a variant of the following routine.

- wake up
- turn on NY1
- breakfast
- channel surfing (usually between ESPN, TLC, and MTV)
- gym
- home to shower/lunch
- coffee shop to internet
- home for dinner
- more TV (usually NBA hoops)
- sleep

Occasionally I'll hang out with a friend. But that's pretty much it.

I know, I know, it sounds sad. I'm actually feeling more motivation as of late. I'm hopeful that I'm getting back to my true self, post-breakup. And you'll hear all about it...as soon as Time Warner gets things going...

i graduated from college ten years ago today

Wow, do I feel old.

Internet hoping coming in the next couple of weeks. Check back June 1.

a hiatus-breaking comment

Because I have to tell someone:

You know what drives me crazy?

I go into a fine coffee establishment that advertises "free" wireless. Because, you know, you're supposed to pay for the internet by purchasing something, I do. A cup of coffee. A muffin. A cupcake. All of the above.

Then I find a seat. Pull out my laptop. Plug it in...and the f'n internet doesn't work.

Seriously?

You couldn't, like, put up a sign saying that it's down? Idiots.

I hate that.

internet hiatus

Because I can't reliably get online, I'm going to hold off on posting for a while. I'm writing some things in my journal, and will get them up when I get internet in my new place. And that will happen whenever Time Warner decides to stop dickin' around.

Back soon, promise.

"each day gets better"

Yeah, right.

Sorry for the blatant pessimism...it just hasn't been the best of days. I'm having a "bad Maxine day", meaning that I miss her a lot and can't stop thinking about her and want to call her and say why can't we work this out? Even though I know we can't.

I'm also frustrated because I don't have a job, and my New York unemployment (which was supposed to start paying me today) is all messed up. I have no idea when I'm going to get any money, and even when I do it probably won't be enough to live on. I'll be lucky if I can cover all of my bills.

And I still don't have internet at home.

I just want to fast forward to the end of May and see where I'm at. I feel like things will be better for me in a month. I'm just tired of being unhappy/frustrated/sad. I'd like an attitude transplant, please.

really really over

We got together last night, ostensibly so that I could pick up my stuff from her place, but mostly so that we could have some closure. It was a good conversation, for the most part. We're pretty much on the same page, I think. Well, mostly.

It was almost fun for the first couple of hours, but the last ten minutes or so, when I was trying to leave - so painful. Lots of crying, hugging, etc. It was easily one of the worst moments of my life. I bawled like a baby.

Today, however, I feel much better than I expected to. Lighter, freer, sort of. The burden that I've been carrying around for the past three months is gone. I'm still very sad, and I know that will come in increasingly diminishing waves over the next few months, but the sun came up this morning, and I'm still alive. So that's a positive thing.

Now, if I could just get online from my apartment...

the deed is done

I broke up with her last night. I don't have the energy to give a full blow-by-blow; besides, we're meeting on Saturday. I was just going to go over and pick up my stuff when she was gone, but she said that she "didn't want to end things like this", so there will be one more conversation. I've been crying a lot, but I think I've gone twelve hours now, so that's a positive sign.

I'm really, really sad.

I don't have internet at my place, so I will be even more scarce than usual for a couple of weeks. Looking forward to unburdening my soul soon.

today's melancholy

I'm fairly sad today.

Today is my last day doing this show. This group has been together for six months; some of us did this play three years ago in Steak City.

Doing a play on the road is a funny thing. You are thrown together with a group of strangers, and somehow, over the course of a few weeks, you become family. It's always a little bit sad knowing that you'll probably never have the group together in a similar situation again. Sometimes the bond lasts; more often than not, you may exchange an e-mail or two, or chat at an audition, but that's the extent of the future interaction.

That's part of what made this production special - we got the family back together again!

I've been thinking back to the dinner break after our first rehearsal in Bluff City. The six of us who had done the play before went to a little restaurant, crammed into a tiny booth, and picked up exactly where we had left off. It was almost like no time had passed at all. It's rare to have that kind of a bond with your castmates.

Unfortunately, when something like this ends, you really know that it's not ever happening again. And spending six months with the same people...well, real relationships form. I'm as close to two of the people in this cast as any of my friends in my life. (Thankfully, one of them lives in New York.)

I feel so lucky to have spent this time working on this show with these people. And I am excited about what's next for me (more on that next week). But right now, moments before our final show begins, I'm mourning the end of this experience.

update

Brief conversation with Maxine last week on the topic of our relationship - it lasted maybe ten minutes. Her perspective hasn't changed, and she still doesn't really seem to want to talk about things. The only reason why things were brought up is because she gets upset when I talk about taking off to random cities for jobs without talking to her about it. "It feels like you're just making these decisions unilaterally, without taking me into account."

"Well, if I'm not sure what the status of our relationship is, I kind of need to look out for myself, don't I?"

We agreed to talk when I get back; I think that will probably be the end of things.

So that I don't leave you all with strictly negative news, it looks as though I may have some interesting job options in the near future. I have to put together a couple of auditions, which could lead to some interesting storytelling (when I get over this hump and start writing regularly again). More on this as it develops.

the verge

I'm having serious problems with Maxine, and I (we) are thinking of calling it quits.

I've been planning to write this blog entry, in one form or another, for the past two months. I managed to put it off for several reasons: I was moving, I was sick, I didn't quite know what to say, I didn't know what I truly felt or wanted, I was moving again, I was working, etc. So many excuses.

One of the main reasons why I didn't want to go into detail about this is because I feel like more and more of the people who read this actually know Maxine, and I don't want things that I write here to affect how they may feel about her. This is silly, of course, especially because many of these same people have been along on this seven-and-a-half year long ride, and have witnessed the ups and downs in greater detail than what has been written about here. Is there really a difference if I complain orally or verbally?

So (deep breath) here I go.

**************

The problems (this new set, anyway) started a while ago - we can probably trace it to this incident. There have been some "physical issues" dating back to the summer. I also remember feeling strangely upset and estranged from her in October when she left the country for three weeks. But the things that really got the ball rolling were:

1. Early December - she off-handedly mentions that she views me as more of a "companion". It bothers me, but I say nothing and forget about it.

2. Christmas Eve - I invite one of my best friends (who Maxine is estranged from) to spend Christmas with my family because she has no where else to go. Maxine flips out. We barely speak for three days, and then have a blowout on the phone.

3. Mid-January - we have a phone conversation about said "physical issues", and she mentions that she "does not love me in the same way"; she "is scared of being alone", and, once again, she views me as more of a "companion". She then leaves for a five day vacation.

It's here that what she says really hits me. I go into a deep funk for three days.

4. Late January - I have a conversation with my mother, who tells me that she thinks Maxine and I may be better off as friends. I contemplate breaking things off over the phone. I have a long conversation with my brother, who urges me to wait until I get back to New York. I decide to wait.

5. Lots of girls hit on me.

6. Late February - I come back home to New York. Maxine gets mad at me for seeing the same estranged friend from Christmas and mentions that she never got over it from then. We have a blowout, where we establish that we don't like a lot of the same things, and that I don't want to be in a relationship where my partner isn't passionate about me. I'm pretty sure we're done.

7. Early March - We have another prolonged discussion, where I tell her that I think she just sees me as a good friend to kiss and cuddle with occasionally, but that's it. She agrees. I'm almost certain we're done.

8. Mid-March - The night before I leave for the Icebox, we stay up late watching The Wire and fail to talk about the situation before I leave. Once I get to the Icebox, we have awkward short phone conversations.

9. Late March - Maxine comes to visit. Things are pleasant - fun, even, for the most part. The night before she leaves, we stay out late with old friends of hers. We get three hours of sleep. Again, we don't talk about the situation.

And...you're caught up.

************

It's proved very hard to talk to her about this. I have a feeling that she really doesn't want to deal with this, and she's shown a willingness to "settle" in a relationship, which is a quality I don't have. Looking long term, it seems pretty clear that this isn't going to work - a fact that has been nothing short of devastating for me these past two months. Short term, however...well, things are pretty good.

And, honestly, I'm really reluctant to move on from this because I'm so intertwined with her. I love her very much. We have seven and a half years of history together. It's very hard for me to picture my life without her. But, as much as I want to be with her, I also want to be in a fantastic relationship. And I see so many of my friends who are really and truly happy with their significant others...and I can't lie to myself. I don't have that anymore. I did once, but for whatever reason I can't get back there.

I've worried myself sick about this for two months, and I just don't know what to do. Or, more accurately, I know what I should do, but I can't bring myself to do it.

the madness has begun!

I love the NCAA Tournament. Especially when I'm working on a show. That usually allows me plenty of time to sit on the couch and watch games.

My Final Four this year is Louisville, Memphis, Pitt, and (unfortunately) Carolina. I've got Pitt beating Lousiville in the championship game...

a visitor

Finally warming up here in the Icebox. And I'm discovering that it's a pretty cool city. For one thing, things actually stay open here past midnight. If I'm hungry at 1:30 in the morning, I actually have several options. Amazing!

It's also a pretty great town for theater; the audiences are knowledgeable and also fairly young. The response to the show has been good, too (it's been good everywhere we go, though, so that's nothing new).

Maxine is coming to visit on Saturday for a few days. I'm a bit nervous because I've got four shows over the weekend, so I'm not quite sure what to do with her. She'll come see one of the matinees, and maybe a couple of shows that are also in the same complex, but still...that's a lot of downtime.

I'm also nervous because things have been pretty crappy between us lately. That's been one of the major reasons I haven't been posting the last couple of months; I didn't know what to say about it, and it's been the major thing consuming space in my brain. I'm working on writing something about it, but that enables me knowing exactly how I feel and what I want, which is part of the problem.

For now, I'm just going to go to Trader Joe's. That will solve one problem in my life - the lack of food in my fridge...

the return

I'm back.

Battered and bruised and exhausted, but I'm here. Yay.

In the last city of my tour; we'll call it IceBox because it's frickin' freezing up here. Like, Arctic. Hopefully I'll have some hot gossip to spit at you.

The trip home was grueling. Maxine and I...well, that deserves its' own post. The apartment shit dragged on and on...but I finally moved in last Friday. Very exciting times.

Need to make dinner before tonight's show, but I just wanted to check in and let everybody know I'm still alive and in one piece. More details to come.

home sweet homeless

Sorry, folks. There's been a lot going on in my life, but I don't really comfortable blogging about much of it in detail. And since the heavy stuff is what's on my mind, I'm better off not writing anything at all.

Yesterday, however, was an all-time terrible day. Consider the following sequence of events, in chronological order:

- woke up and had a "relationship discussion" with the girlfriend; let's just say things are in a precarious position right now

- found out that I would not be moving into my apartment this week, as I had anticipated, because the federal agency that has been screwing me the past six months wanted one mo' gin

- discovered that I had given away the door key to my old apartment, meaning that I had to wait outside to be let in

- discovered that I had not received all my W-2s/1099s, which was bad news, because I needed to take them to my agency-screwing on Thursday morning, meaning I had to make an extra trip

The day did get better; my friend took me to a basketball game. That was pretty cool. Still, there were several points yesterday when I wanted to climb back in bed and start all over.

Back soon, hopefully with better news.

the best laid plans...

Remember my earlier blogging plans for 2009? Yeah, that's going real well.

In other news, we are now entering the fifth year of this blog's existence. I don't know that I had any grand plans for this when I started (and I really don't think I'm having that much of an impact) but I'm kind of amazed that this has lasted so long. Life takes funny twists and turns.

I've got a really hellacious stretch (three doubles in four days) coming up here, but I should have some interesting stories to tell - and I'll be back in NYC in ten days...

i love this cover

It's not often that a magazine cover makes me laugh out loud. This one did.

Mobile post sent by Rover using Utterli.  Replies.

25 randoms 'bout me

This meme has been making its way around Facebook lately, and I thought it'd be perfect for F&G. Enjoy!


I've gotten tagged by, like, six people for this - figured it was time to do it. If you don't want to respond in kind, no worries.

Let's go.

1. The reason why I have the time to write this now is because I'm stuck in the house with a sinus infection. I usually get them at least once a year. Have you ever had a sinus infection? It feels like someone is twisting a vice inside my face. They are not fun.

2. I tend to have more female friends than male friends (including almost all of my exes; if I cared enough to date them, why wouldn't I want to remain close with them?). No idea why that is. I also tend to have random and contrasting groups of friends, some of whom do not get along. It would be interesting to get everyone in a room together and see what happens.

3. I have an irrational disgust for rock salt - you know, the stuff that they put on the roads during snowstorms? It makes my skin crawl.

4. Apparently I could read at age two. My mom thought that I had just memorized the stories, but then she would ask me what a particular word was, and I would get it right. At four I was reading the sports section, mostly for the box scores. "Jose DeJesus" (a former Phillies shortstop) was a name that gave me fits.

5. No one talks better Steelers football with me than my father. When the schedule came out in the beginning of the year (remember, it was one of the hardest schedules for any NFL team since the merger in 1970), I said to my dad, "If this team wins twelve games, they're going to the Super Bowl." And not to toot my own horn, but I also said to him in December '05 that I thought they could "win the whole thing". They did. TOOT.

6. I quit playing baseball my junior year of high school so that I could continue doing the musical. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had kept baseball as the priority. There are days where I'm still surprised I made that choice.

7. If I wasn't allowed to act anymore, and could do anything else on the planet, I would love to be a football historian. I love learning about anything in general, but I'm fascinated by the history of football: how it started, what marketing decisions they made, how teams were built, etc. I can't get enough.

8. I love my job, but I'm not sure that I'll still be acting in twenty years. I definitely won't be doing regional theater away from my own bed 26 weeks a year.

9. I rarely cry, but when I do, I'm usually only able to get out about eight tears. My body and breath may still be weeping, but my tear ducts just shut off.

10. I wish I was better at keeping in touch with my friends. There are so many people I want to hang out with and keep up with, and they're all spread around the country, and there aren't enough hours in the day to call and/or e-mail as much as I'd like. I actually try not to think about it too much, because it gets frustrating.

11. I'm VERY sentimental for the days of yore. I frequently wish I could go back in time to my days in Sleepy Hamlet. Or at grad school. Or undergrad. That's probably why I love Facebook so much, because I can keep in touch with all of those people.

12. When I was on our 7th grade class trip (nicknamed Cryfest '90), a friend and I (he shall remain nameless, but he is tagged on this note) came up with an ingenious rating system for foxy females - you could be pretzels, dough, or beernuts. The best rating you could get was a "crunchy salty pretzel". I'm pretty sure that (a) this ranking system was inspired by seeing a girl that I had a crush on in a swimsuit for the first time, and (b) being in Canada for the first time made me dumber.

13. By the way, I had a crush on (and occasional relationship with) that same girl for ten years. And I'm pretty sure that I was the one who eventually blew it.

14. This sinus infection is totally taking away my appetite. But if I could have any meal in the world right now, I would have:
- fried catfish
- fried chicken (by my mother)
- collard greens
- yams or sweet potatoes (again by my mother, whatever she felt like making)
- rolls (by my grandmother)
- sun brewed sweet tea (again, by mom)

15. You know the voice that I do for my mother? I never get tired of telling that story (much to her chagrin), but it drives me crazy when I hear other people who have never met her try to do the voice. She's MY mother, not yours.

(This is also the time where I admit that I sometimes sound like that, too. Ask my current castmates.)

16. When I was a kid, I used to wonder why my parents didn't listen to any popular music. Instead, they would put on records of their favorites -usually War, or Stevie Wonder. I liked their music, but I always thought, "They should be listening to all the new stuff instead of their old stuff. No way that will EVER happen to me." Well, I'm still up on popular music - but I totally get why they felt they way they do.

17. Speaking of which, if you came of age listening to hip-hop in the mid-90s, two films you have to see are NOTORIOUS and THE WACKNESS. It will make you long for a hi-top fade. Or a red and black lumberjack. With a hat to match.

18. One of the most annoying things about growing up black in an all white suburb was the stream of kids who constantly wanted to play with my hair. They would touch it. They would stick things in it. They would put handprints in it. They weren't trying to be mean, but it didn't feel good just the same.

19. Some people view me as a success. I don't. Not yet.

20. I still see streaks of light in my eye from that sucker punch ten months ago. I think I probably will for the rest of my life. Surprisingly, I don't think about that night all that often. But sitting with my back to the door of a bar/restaurant brings it back in a flash. I still haven't been back to that bar, but I really want to have a night where I invite all of my friends there and we take it over. Now, if I could just be in the city long enough to make that happen...

21. <-- This is my favorite number.

22. I have a lot of debt; some "good", some "bad". I'm not ashamed of it. I just want to get rid of it.

23. I feel like I'm the only one of my friends that doesn't have kids. Seriously, almost all of my best friends my age have them already. Most days I'm totally ok with that, but I will say that, in the distance, I can faintly make out the sounds of a clock ticking...

24. I love Brooklyn (and NYC in general) to death; it's my home. But I'm virtually certain that I don't want to spend the rest of my life there. I do need to live in some type of urban area, though. As long as I'm around some kind of city with a major professional sports franchise, I'll manage.

25. I see myself as a storyteller by trade. Some days I want to leave all of this behind, move into a cozy loft in a bustling metropolis somewhere, and become a writer. I could write about sports, or just tell crazy stories about life on the road, or strange things that have happened to me. I mean, I tell these stories orally all the time; why not write them down and share them? To me, it's a natural extension of what I do onstage.

Thanks for playing.

i am estatic, by the way...

...over the Steelers' victory in Super Bowl XLIII. I've just been busy packing and unpacking and being sick to write anything about it. Thanks for all of the kind words and thoughts.

football!

Sorry I've been absent the past couple of weeks. I've been going through some stuff in my head, things that I don't feel comfortable sharing with the world yet. And it was kind of hard to come on here and chat about random stuff. Everything's fine, no need for alarm.

Anyway, I'm here today to write about something much more important:

Super Bowl XLIII.

My Steelers are playing against the Arizona Cardinals, and I am very excited/nervous/anxious. I've been making my calls to my friends and family across the country, with everyone weighing in on the game. I'm having a couple castmembers over, on the condition that I can actually hear the announcers. If it gets too loud, they have to quiet down - or leave.

Kickoff is in two and a half hours. Must find something to occupy my time until then...

we have a new president

And I am SO excited.

I got to watch the swearing-in and most of PRESIDENT OBAMA's (I just love writing that) speech before heading off to a student matinee yesterday. I wasn't as overly emotional as I was on election night; I just felt really, really happy. I smiled a lot. It was really nice.

I'm not naive enough to think that the honeymoon will last all that long, but it's just so nice to have so many people inspired by their government. I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

popular

Old Village is like most cities in this country; if you want to go dance to some good music, you have to hit up a gay club. After the show last night, four of my castmates (two guys, who we'll call The Mayor and AC, and two ladies; all of us are black) and I went to get our groove on.

The crowd was more gay than straight, but there seemed to be a large number of straight ladies there. We walked towards the back of the bar, passing the restroom, along with a young lady who gazed hungrily at us as if we were dessert. AC and I sidle up to the bar. I'm standing there for maybe fifteen seconds when a young lady kind of brushes past me and stands leaning on the bar directly next to me. She pulls out her cell, glances at it, then checks me out. "Hi."

"Hey, how's it going?" I'm trying to be good, you know, since I'm so far away from my girlfriend right now, etc., so I try to ignore the fact that she's giving me every signal in the book. I look away. She goes back to the cell phone.

AC, who is one of the friendliest and most gorgeous men I have ever met, then greets her. She kind of steps over to the side and has a brief conversation with him, all the while leaning over my back. At some point, AC introduces me. We do a variant on the usual song-and-dance:

GIRL: So, what are you doing here?

ME: We're actors. We're doing a play in town.

GIRL: Oh my gosh! You're an actor? That's SO cool! I love plays! Can I come see it?

ME: Sure. We may be able to help you out with tickets if you want.

GIRL: I would love to come see it. I have to say that I think you guys are really cute...

She gives me her number. I've been in the club for five minutes. AC said he got two phone numbers from two different people in sixty seconds. As I was leaving the club, a girl was making eyes at me while she was hanging on to her boyfriend.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm getting this attention because I'm insanely gorgeous. I mean, I clean up pretty well, but I'm not that special (unlike AC). We're getting this attention because there are not a lot of black people in Old Village, and in liberal-leaning towns like this, black men get a LOT of attention from women - mostly white women. I guess it's because we're different, or "exotic", or something. I'm not quite sure why this is, but it's been a constant in my travels.

All of which makes it extremely hard to be good. I've gone out three times since I've been in town and have been given four phone numbers.

But I'm trying, Maxine. I'm trying.

drinking woes

Finally kicked the illness. Went out for the first time in Old Village on Saturday night, which was very low-key. I drank cranberry juice. With a twist of lime.

For some reason, I decided to go out again last night. Again, I had a drink with a twist of lime. It was a Corona. The beer wasn't settling in my stomach too well, so I switched to vodka tonics. I'm not sure how many I had, but I'm pretty sure the number starts with a one.

Needless to say, I don't feel too great today.

And I'm also re-evaluating my relationship with alcohol. Three times in the past two and a half weeks I have ended up sick or violently hung over after drinking. I've blacked out twice in the same time period - and that's something that just doesn't happen. I'm still able to have one beer or one glass of wine with dinner and stop, but lately I don't seem to have the same control at the bar.

I'm concerned.

really sick

I had intended to put up the first of what will hopefully be many powerful posts today, but a funny thing happened to me: I got sick.

Now, I usually get colds a couple of times a year, and my allergies will flare up on me in the spring, giving me red itchy eyes and a runny nose for days. I usually get a sinus infection every year, too, which is good for an uncomfortable few days, but I can usually get by with nothing more than Tylenol Sinus.

But this was different.

It was so bad that I really couldn't sleep. I could actually feel (going to get graphic here) the mucus swirling around inside my sinus cavity: tip my head one way and it would run down my throat; move it another way and it would rush out of my nose. I was coughing up phlegm with flecks of blood. My face felt like an elephant was stepping on it. I was in bad shape.

Fortunately, the theater company here in Old Village (where I am now; I finally gave the place a name) has an ER doc on call. He told me I had bronchitis, and was able to get me some antibiotics. I've been on those for 48 hours and I'm finally starting to feel ok. 75%, maybe? Thank God for drugs.

Anyway, now that I'm up and walking again, I'll hopefully be able to give you something of consequence soon.

the goal for 2009

Last year, I decided to undertake a huge project: to blog every day for a year. I don't know what possessed me to do this. I know that I felt like I was a lousy blogger, and I wanted to try my hand at writing more.

I completed the journey yesterday, and there wasn't any real joy or sense of accomplishment, just relief that I didn't have to blog every damn day. It wasn't fun, you know? I felt like a lot of days I just cranked out crap, or decided to use a text message or e-mail rather than write down how I really felt. As December came to a close, I gave some serious thought to closing up shop all together. The whole last month was just a struggle. I would think of post ideas, but I'd just push them to the side. But writing meaningful "columns", for want of a better word, was the whole reason I wanted to do Blog 365 in the first place.

So, after careful consideration, I've decided to keep the blog going. I am planning on making a significant change, however. Instead of throwing something up here every single day, I am going to aim for one quality post a week; something of substance between 500-1000 words that I'll work on during the week and will go up every Monday. There may be weeks where I have more posts; there will probably be a couple of vacation weeks where I decide to write nothing at all. The important thing, however, is that I put things up here that are worth your time, and mine. I hope that you'll come along for the ride, and hopefully we can start up a back-and-forth in the comments again, like the old days.

One last thing. I left NYC this morning, to do a show in a new town with considerably better weather. (I haven't named it yet.) I'm staying in one of the nicest places I've ever lived in. It seems to be the perfect way to kick off a new year.

I think that, after the last 365 days, I deserve a bit of a break. I'm taking the rest of the weekend off. See you on Monday.