Sunday, June 15, 2008

another truth

I feel like I need to apologize to some of you, because lately I have been less than forthright. I know, that shouldn't be too big of a deal, because it's my blog, and I can say what I want, right? Part of the reason why I have this, however, is to write about my life with honesty. That's why I use a handle instead of my real name, and why I've created the fun names for places I work, etc. What's the good of these devices if I'm not going to take advantage of them?

Anyway, the truth: I've been dating Maxine again for the past three months. The hows and whys of that are better answered in a longer post, if anyone cares to hear about it. It's not an exclusive relationship, but I have been pretty faithful, because more and more I've been thinking that being with her is what I really and truly want.

The capper to my hellacious week was a two-part fight that she and I had on Friday night. The details of what we fought over aren't that important. I will say that she has violated my trust - which was one of the reasons why I was reluctant to get back together with her in the first place - and that I was so angry that I was kicking things in my apartment on Friday night/early Saturday morning.

I've since cooled off (not that I don't have concerns about my anger levels since the incident, which is why I think I should be going to therapy), and I'm now preparing myself to ask some very difficult questions, both to her and to me. Now, last night, the prospect of asking these questions was terrifying, which is probably why I got rip-roaring drunk at a friend's birthday party. I woke up this morning, however, feeling surprisingly calm about what has to be done.

(I also woke up hungover, but that was to be expected. I finished the night with the Champagne of Beers - never a good sign.)

I think that, ultimately, this will be a good thing. Still, if you were to wish me luck, I wouldn't mind. I'll let you know how it goes.

4 comments:

une petite chose said...

good luck dude... we'll chat again soon. :)

L. Britt said...

The real question becomes: why didn't you mention the relationship before now? Was it about your readership (which is not all anonymous...I give you that), or was it about not admitting something to yourself? Writing it down makes it real in a very interesting way, doesn't it?

Regardless, I do wish you luck. But I also wish you your own common sense, your confidence in yourself and what you deserve in a partner, and your sense of right and wrong. I figure you'll need more of these things than you will luck.

And please keep us posted.

Mermaid Girl said...

We all have our reasons for being selective in what we blog about.

I always figure even though we choose to write in this public forum, that doesn't mean we can't keep some things just to ourselves.

I hope everything works out :)

:: tk :: said...

Good luck, darling. I hope to catch up again over drinks soon...if you have time. My days will be wide open. If not, we'll do a quick key hand off/pick up, and I'll give you a good luck hug. Talk to you in a few days.