blast from the past

I had conversations with two of my exes tonight: Lil' Bit and Snapple. So different, and yet so alike.

Lil' Bit is moving to New York. I am slightly terrified. It's really hard to explain - I guess I don't believe a lot of what she says. She has grown up a bit, and I think that she'll probably do well in the city, but having her living on my street (which she'll be doing, albeit twenty minutes away) is really freaky.

While Lil' Bit is able to joke about our past relationship, Snapple is still really hurt. She mentioned a couple of times in her recent messages to me that she had a flight credit that was going to expire - this credit, of course, dates back to last fall, when I told her not to visit me. I still feel horrible about that, and once again offered to reimburse her for the ticket - it's the right thing to do, even if it is horribly expensive.

I still care about both of them a lot, but nights like tonight make me wonder why I have this need to be friends with my exes.

it is so hot here

(How hot is it?)

It is so hot that in the block it took me to walk home from the bodega, my ice cold beer became lukewarm. Yuk.

i'm back home

For a few minutes. Headed to go work. My place of employment doesn't have air conditioning. It was unbearable last night, and I think it's going to be worse tonight. I am NOT looking forward to it.

Temping tomorrow. I'll try to give you some details.

stuff

I just shared this thought with my dad about an hour ago:

I think it's very strange that, during my time in undergrad and grad school I accumulated all of this stuff - sheets, towels, furniture. Seven and a half years worth of life. And then, poof! I move across the country to Sleepy Hamlet, and I leave my previous life (and most of my stuff) behind, and I start to collect more stuff. Three years' worth.

Then I was kind of homeless for a year, wandering from city to city, and so I mailed some of the West Coast stuff back to my parents' house, where my East Coast stuff had been gathering dust. And it all sat in their basement.

So now I've got some of it with me in New York, and some of it is all over my parents' place, and some of it has disappeared into the ether. But sometimes I stumble over something, and it's like discovering an artifact from the Dark Ages. I remember places and faces and moments, and sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's nice. But it's always thrilling.

It's funny where stuff can take you sometimes.

this is awesome

I'm an Usher fan, but maybe he should let these guys do ALL of his videos. Make sure you watch through the rap section.

rained out

I was so looking forward to tonight's Yankees-Pirates baseball game. I've rooted for both teams since I was a little kid, so I knew that it would be a weird experience, but it was exciting to see both of them on the same field.

Unfortunately, the dream lasted 2 1/3 innings. The game got rained out. And the make-up date - scheduled for July 10 - is the day before I leave for my getaway weekend to Montreal with Maxine. So that's not gonna happen.

At least I got to spend some quality time with my parents. We still managed to have fun. And Mother Nature put on quite the light show for us.

murphy's law strikes again

written on an Amtrak train, somewhere west of Lancaster, PA

I’m sitting here, working my way through the New York Times – it took two hours, not bad – when my cell rings. Unknown number. That usually means it’s the temp agency I work for.

And I’m right. They have a job for me, finally. It’s at a company that I’ve worked at before; the place pays well, the environment is relaxed, and I know several people that work there. And they want me until I leave at the end of July, meaning I would financial security for months.

The catch?

It starts tomorrow.

They had to give it to someone else. That sucks. But what can you do? Plan your life around hypothetical phone calls?

Besides, not to be overly sentimental, but spending a couple of days with my parents far exceeds any amount of money I could earn at a temp job.

mini-vacay

I'm headed to Pittsburgh for a few days - meeting with some theaters and going to catch the Yankees-Pirates game on Thursday, which will be notable because it's one of those rare occasions where my father and I are rooting for different teams. Should be fun.

I've got ten-hour train rides on both Wednesday and Saturday, so I may be a little slow in getting the posts up. Still, you'll hear from me soon. Hope that everyone has a great week!

butter floor

I feel kinda bad that I'm laughing at this...but it's pretty hilarious.

my feet hurt...

...from standing all night at work.

I love the people that I work with, but I'll be happy when I don't have to have a side job anymore. I'm hopeful that that could happen within the next couple of years.

I'm off tomorrow, so I'll come up with something intelligent then. Right now I'm going to relax for a while and then go to bed.

i hate ticketmaster

Is it even possible to buy tickets to an event on there? Seriously?

I logged on to buy Steeler tickets today, and I got nothing. I got the ticket screen to come up once, but then it disappeared. That makes me so mad. Sure, most of western Pennsylvania was probably trying to buy tickets too, but I should at least be able to get close, right? I tried for 45 straight minutes!

Ridiculous.

wow

I'm a bit speechless.

OK.

Remember, a couple of days ago, when I mentioned that something big was happening, only I couldn't tell you what it was, because it wasn't finalized?

Well, it's a good thing that I didn't tell you, because it's not happening.

Because I got something a little bigger.

Remember, last week, when I was complaining about reauditioning for a play I had already done?

Yeah - I got the part.

Again.

My agent is ecstatic. I kind of feel defiant. Like, you know when you're watching a football game, and a player makes a big hit, and then he pops up and just glares like he's not satisfied yet, and the crowd is going wild? That's how I feel.

I fuckin' blew up those auditions. I said to my agent, "I don't know who is going to get this part, but I know who should get it. ME." I'm not usually this cocky about stuff, but I honestly felt like someone was trying to steal my job - a job that I had done pretty well. And I think, in that situation, when someone is trying to steal your stuff, you fight like hell.

Yeah.

Six months of work, bitches.

tired...

...from running around all day. I had to audition for a role I already had today, and then interview for a job I'm currently doing. This did not make me happy. So now I'm going to take my contacts out, watch some TV, prep for my callback tomorrow (also for the job I already did) and go to sleep. The end.

on the horizon...

...something is brewing.

I can't tell you what it is yet, because it isn't finalized...but it would provide for an interesting blogging experience.

So, I'm going to stop writing now, before I spill the beans.

how to console a disappointed theatergoer

written via text message

Sorry you didn't get tickets. I'll try you in a couple of hours. Maybe you should go to the movies instead!

it went well

Conversation was successful. I think things are all good.

I had an exhausting night at work tonight (there were something like a dozen fights) so I'll save my comments for tomorrow.

another truth

I feel like I need to apologize to some of you, because lately I have been less than forthright. I know, that shouldn't be too big of a deal, because it's my blog, and I can say what I want, right? Part of the reason why I have this, however, is to write about my life with honesty. That's why I use a handle instead of my real name, and why I've created the fun names for places I work, etc. What's the good of these devices if I'm not going to take advantage of them?

Anyway, the truth: I've been dating Maxine again for the past three months. The hows and whys of that are better answered in a longer post, if anyone cares to hear about it. It's not an exclusive relationship, but I have been pretty faithful, because more and more I've been thinking that being with her is what I really and truly want.

The capper to my hellacious week was a two-part fight that she and I had on Friday night. The details of what we fought over aren't that important. I will say that she has violated my trust - which was one of the reasons why I was reluctant to get back together with her in the first place - and that I was so angry that I was kicking things in my apartment on Friday night/early Saturday morning.

I've since cooled off (not that I don't have concerns about my anger levels since the incident, which is why I think I should be going to therapy), and I'm now preparing myself to ask some very difficult questions, both to her and to me. Now, last night, the prospect of asking these questions was terrifying, which is probably why I got rip-roaring drunk at a friend's birthday party. I woke up this morning, however, feeling surprisingly calm about what has to be done.

(I also woke up hungover, but that was to be expected. I finished the night with the Champagne of Beers - never a good sign.)

I think that, ultimately, this will be a good thing. Still, if you were to wish me luck, I wouldn't mind. I'll let you know how it goes.

a long week

written in my notebook at work

This is one of those weeks that I'm SO happy to see end. Deaths, floods, lies, arguments, disappointments - this week had it all. And I was personally moved to extreme fury at least three times. That's not good.

I think I need to go to therapy.

Tim Russert 1950-2008

He died today, of an apparent heart attack, at 58 years old (the same age as my father). I just found out, and I am in total shock.

I've been a political junkie for years, and I've always enjoyed watching the Sunday morning shows. This year I've been spending lots of time watching Russert, both on MSNBC and on Meet The Press. He had such a kind and gentle way about him - but he also had the ability to cut through a lot of the crap and get right to the heart of the matter. And the depth and breadth of his knowledge was astounding.

It's really hard to imagine Sunday mornings without him (as well as the rest of this election cycle, which he was all over). He will be missed.

rate your restroom!

When I was a little kid and my family would go out to eat, I would always have to use the bathroom in the restaurant, without fail. It happened so often that my parents would joke that I was rating the bathrooms. For a while I would come back with a star rating.

So when I found this website today, I knew that I would have to send it to my family. (And, quite frankly, I can't believe this even exists!)

There's a vote for the top restroom in America; let me know which one you pick. You can probably figure out which one I'll be picking...

a little clarity, sort of

Re: yesterday's saga: a friend of mine is friends with the director, so I did the ol' "could-you-put-a-good-word-in-for-a-brotha?" Apparently, the director says that (a) of course he remembers me and (b) auditioning is just part of the process that everyone has to go through.

(I know the 2nd part's a lie, by the way, since half of the show is precast, and those roles are much bigger than mine.)

So I guess it's settled, until I go in there next week...

um, what?

Well, this is a first for me.

Just got off the phone with my agent (who has become, like, a different person upon my return, all caring and sensitive). Remember I spent a couple of months in Steak City two years ago? The show I did there is being remounted in a couple of different places around the country. And half the original cast is coming back.

Unfortunately, the director doesn't remember who I am.

Yeah.

That's a little insulting. I mean, I spent a month with the guy. We have friends in common. I auditioned for another one of his shows. And he doesn't remember me?

I'm kind of speechless.

My agent basically called to say, I'm submitting you for this, and you'll definitely get an audition, but the writing's on the wall - don't expect to land this one.

Amazing. Just when you think you've seen it all, the business finds another way to wound you.

when it rains...

(Read the post below this first; otherwise my day will make little sense)

I'm actually typing this on my computer on the bus - this company actually has wi-fi, which is great; I didn't have to wait until getting home to catch up on all of my websites. That's pretty much the only break I've gotten today.

While I was melting down on the bus this morning (I got the message just after entering the Lincoln Tunnel, which is kind of the point of no return), my agent went to bat for me. The theater told me that they would videotape my audition for the director, which was a huge relief. Later the theater called and said that they were going to tape all of the auditions for the day.

Meanwhile, on the bus, the passengers were discovering that our driver was noncommunicative and, quite frankly, kind of a dick. We stopped at a rest area where we were informed that "we only had ten minutes". Thirty-five minutes later, we were still sitting there. We finally starting pulling away when a few people realized that an older couple hadn't made it back on the bus. We had to wait another five minutes while someone ran to get them. (They later said that they "lost track of time". How they turned ten minutes into half an hour is beyond me.)

We made another stop about half an hour later - apparently there was a third person who has missed the bus; I think she ended up getting a ride from a Good Samaritan. We ran into construction and traffic shortly after that, which also slowed us down a great deal.

All of these stops and starts meant that our bus, which was supposed to get into Fox City at 2:15, arrived at 4:20.

My audition? Scheduled for 3:10.

I raced over to the space, getting there at 4:45; fortunately, they were running behind and people were still there. The monitor running the audition was very nice and allowed me to go ahead of a bunch of folks, as I was trying to get back to the bus stop to make my 5:45 bus. The audition went ok. I raced towards the subway - 5:15. It would be tight, but I would make it.

Unfortunately for me, there had been a train derailment down the line. Service was moving at a snail's pace. I finally got to the bus stop - at 5:50. The bus was gone.

The only break was that this meant I was able to get some dinner and some water. The bus company got me on to the 7pm bus - which is nearly empty - and now I'm on my home, I hope.

I think that I'm done traveling for a bit.

anger

written in my notebook on a bus

I am FURIOUS right now. I just got a message from my agent telling me not to go to Fox City today, because the director is stuck in the midwest due to thunderstorms.

Fine. That happens. Mother Nature strikes again. There's just one teensy problem:

I'M ALREADY ON THE FUCKING BUS!

To make matters worse, I took a bus rather than the train, meaning I can't just hop out at the next station and turn around. Nope. I'm stuck going all the way down and all the way back.

Fuck this - I can't write.

again?

I got back to Brooklyn on Monday, and I'm just starting to get settled, etc.

So guess where I'm going back to tomorrow?

That's right.

Fox City.

I have an audition for a company there (a different one, not the one I just worked for) and I have to go do it in person. Why couldn't they have seen me when I was there? Your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, I'll give you a report tomorrow night. The things I do for work...

sports malaise

With the start of the NBA Finals and, to a lesser extent, the end of the Stanley Cup Finals, we're now into the beginning of my least favorite sports-related time of the year. There's nothing to watch except baseball, and it will be like this for about eight weeks or so, until football training camps open up. And watching baseball in the middle of the summer is extremely boring - nothing gets meaningful or exciting until August 1.

(Yes, I am aware that tennis and golf are in full swing, but I'm only a casual watcher of tennis, and I don't like golf.)

So what's a boy to do? Last year I played a lot of Playstation, and that may be the ticket again this year. Or I could watch the NFL Network and prepare myself for the upcoming season.

What I really should do? Read a few good books.

getting organized

I'm finally tackling a project that has been months in the making: I'm organizing my room. It's made a little bit difficult because I don't have enough storage for my clothes, and I have a rickety crappy little desk with no place to store things.

I also have a laundry list of things to replace or buy, including:

a new desk chair (to replace the death trap I'm sitting on)
curtains (I don't have any)
dresser (the one I have is made out of something like cardboard)
big bookcase (because my roommate is using mine)
shoe racks
desk
bed frame


This is all kind of difficult to purchase when you're unemployed. I was hoping to use some of my surplus money for this stuff, but I'm having to spend that to survive. (Ain't the life of an actor grand?) Despite all of these money woes, I'm really happy to be (finally) sorting stuff out and finding a home for it. It just feels good, you know?

Good weekend to all; back to sorting and shredding and filing for me...

my finals prediction?

(in case you care about hoops at all)

Lakers in 5. I'm not a believer in the Celtics at all. And I hate all Boston teams (although I do love me some KG).

Pens lost

written on a post-it in my room

Great run. But I'm still sad they lost. Hopefully this is a precursor of future success.

yes, we did

written in the box office at work

I can't properly articulate the pride and the sense of possibility I feel right now. I keep thinking about my mother, as a child, drinking out of colored water fountains. And now she's seeing a person of color winning the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. We truly live in an amazing country.

closing the latest show

written on my laptop on a train back to NYC

I think that the hours after a show closes are pretty indicative of the experience. You find out a lot about the true relationship between cast members. Sometimes you do a show with a bunch of people that you like, but after the final curtain you all shake hands and go your separate ways.

Last night was not one of those nights.

Someone in the Fox City community really liked the show and offered up their bar, so after the show most of us trooped over there, and we put on a display of exuberance rarely seen at this level of theater. We were doing shots, hugging, making noise, yelling, stumbling, making out in bathrooms, talking about water sports – it was amazing. The party went back to our “corporate apartment”, where the party lasted until the wee hours. I went to bed a little after five – only because I had to get up at nine to do laundry and pack in time for my noon train (which ended up leaving at 12:30).

What was so great was that there was a real sense of appreciation for everyone involved with the process, from the director down to the smallest ensemble member. I know that people throw phrases like this around, but this was truly the most talented cast I’ve ever been a part of. If we could have had more rehearsal time and a longer run… I’m grateful for all of the people I’ve met, and I’m looking forward to staying in touch with them in the coming months, as well as adding to my stable of Facebook friends.

Two things I’m taking away from the Fox City experience:

1. I had my best show last night. Despite having people in the audience for three consecutive shows, and having a day filled with sightseeing, I managed to save the best for last. It’s always nice to end up top.

2. I feel like this show has put me on another level. I managed to hold my own with some fantastic – and semi-famous – actors, who believe in me and my work. As a result, I have some real momentum going into this summer, when I am going to try and do several things to improve my marketability and make new contacts. I’m excited to hit the ground running.

Hopefully I’ll be back in Fox City soon to do something else. I didn’t get to explore the city nearly as much as I’d like.

endings and mental lapses

written in my dressing room in my journal

The show ends in ninety minutes. It was a weird experience. A lot of half-formed relationships, both on and off stage.

I'm really annoyed at myself - I had a great blog post - something about 90 or 100 - but it's totally gone. Maybe it will come back to me on the ride home tomorrow.