treading water

I'm kind of struggling with how to write this post...probably because I'm not really sure exactly what I'm feeling at this point in time. Actually, it's not so much that I don't know how I feel so much as I feel so many different things:

- disappoinment
- relief
- confusion

...to name a few. And there are a lot of other thoughts in my head, too, like:

- how I feel so focused and optimistic about my career
- I need to spend less time at home and more with my friends
- astrology is very trippy, and, in some ways, surprisingly accurate
- my life right now is really great

But the biggest thing that I'm feeling right now is

peace

like I know that everything will be ok.

My parents came to Cowtown a couple of days after I first met the Power Broker. We were leaving the house on Xmas morning, and I was thinking about PB, and the absurdity of the whole situation. And so I asked my father, "Hey, when you met Mom, did you know that you were going to marry her?"

Without hesitating, he answered, "Yes."

This from a man who rarely talks about feelings - the definition of stoicism, perhaps.

I'm not saying that I'm going to marry PB, per se. But I do feel like that this is all going to work out for the best, and to my satisfaction. That's a very un-Rover-like thought (although I am a positive thinker). And this will require some very un-Rover-like behavior (like patience). But I don't think it's going to be a problem.

----------------------------

So that I'm not being totally cryptic, here's what happened:

While on the bus, I got an e-mail from Amina (who helped set up this whole deal in Cowtown) telling me that PB said that she needed to talk to me about "the boyfriend". I was devastated for about 30 seconds, but then I thought, "You know what? You like this woman. You have no idea what she's going to say. You knew this was a possibility, and you don't have any expectations. Just go down there and have a great time and see what happens."

And I did have a great time. We hung out at her house - I met her roommates, who are great - and then we all went out. Lots of drinking and dancing. After some late-nite fuel (empanadas) we headed back to the house. It's about 3:15 in the morning at this point.

We talked 'til 6.

We talked about a wide variety of subjects, and one of the things that came up was "the boyfriend". It's a very unusual arrangement. They've been together for a couple of years, but she doesn't call him her boyfriend (hence the quotes), acknowledges that they're not meant for each other, and knows that they're going to split in a few months, when he leaves for grad school. They have a kind of handshake agreement about all of this.

(I know, right? You should have seen my face.)

So, while she is interested in me, she's trying to hold off on having anything physical happen between us, but she really likes spending time with me, and feels that there's a connection, and wants to continue seeing me when time allows. She's planning on coming to NYC in April.

At that point, I put my cards on the table, and told her that I was interested, but didn't want to be the "other guy" ('cause I've done it too many times before, which is another story). I was more eloquent than that, but not as effusive as I was in my previous post. She seemed really impressed that I was so honest and open about everything. So we agreed that we would keep talking, and see where things went.

Then we had a lovely day yesterday, although we were both exhausted because we only got a few hours of sleep.

I'm very curious to see what the masses think about this one. Fire away...