just venting

I try not to complain too much about my job. I knew, when I decided to become an actor, that it was going to be very difficult. It is a roller coaster ride, and generally, I love it.

Today was not one of those days.

Today I had an audition for a play in my hometown. It was for a role that (a) I had just auditioned for the week before (and gotten called back for) and (b) I am generally right for. I'm probably five years away from being perfect, but it's definitely something that I can play, and play well. The artistic director at the theater knows me, which is probably why I was called in. They had asked me to prepare two sides - one was a scene, and one was a monologue.

I went to the audition and, after waiting half an hour, was ushered inside. The casting director was also someone who was familiar with my work, and I felt pretty comfortable. I was introduced to the director, and then was told, "We're doing the scene."

I did it, and I thought it went pretty well. I hit all the points that I needed to, showed them the several sides of the character. After finishing, I stood up and checked in with the people, expecting to now do the monologue.

Instead, I heard the director say, "Thanks so much for coming in today."

Meaning, "We're not interested. Next."

I was looking at the artistic director, who looked surprised that the director had made that decision. (I would love to have been a fly on the wall so that I could have heard THAT conversation.) I scraped up what was left of my dignity, thanked them, and left.

Now I know, logically, that I'm probably not what the director had in mind. She probably pictured someone darker, or taller, or more muscular, or (most likely) older. But when you get dismissed like that, when you're prepared and worked on it and know that it's good...well, let's just say that it's not the best feeling.

I've had a run of auditions lately (some through my agent, some on my own) which is great. And I'm doing fairly well in most of them, getting several callbacks (meaning that the casting people now believe that you can act, and are seriously considering you for the role). But I can't seem to book a job.

And, hey, you never really know why you didn't get a role. Maybe you weren't very good that day. Maybe you remind the director of an ex. Maybe you're too short for the part, or too dark, or too skinny. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. I'm pretty good about letting things go, for the most part.

I know that my break is just around the corner. I just have to be patient...