Tuesday, May 02, 2006

you remind me...

I almost felt like I had a 9-to-5 today - spent a lot of the day on the computer, working on career stuff. Granted, I spent a lot of time trying to find a suitable sublet, but that kind of feels like work, too. Hopefully I can get all of this stuff settled in the next day or two, and then I can resume my "carefree life", ha ha.

I've been having very weird feelings the last couple of days. The room I'm subletting belongs to my X, who I haven't seen in almost six months. It's very strange being reminded of her 24/7. We lived together for a while, so it's not a totally foreign site to see her stuff hanging next to mine in the closet...but that last happened a couple of years ago.

I guess I'm feeling a loss of what was, if that makes any sense. I miss the time when things were good. That isn't to say that I want to be in that relationship again. But there are times where I really miss being in love with her.

I won't see her until June, and at that point, hopefully, we can kind of clear the air between us and see what our relationship is going to be in the future - friends, lovers, both, neither. I honestly have no idea. I've changed a lot...but so has she. I don't really have any expectations, and as a result I'm actually kind of excited to see what happens.

I think I need to start dinner. I'm trying not to spend any more money than necessary, since I'm living on the dole until my next acting job, but I kind of want some salmon. Looks like I may be making a trip to the local fish market. I love living in the city.


Bright-Eyes said...

of my jeeeeeeep

Melissa said...

I feel you on the loss thing. Even when you end something that wasn't working there is a sense of mourning and sadness. I've got that whole thing going on.