I've been a bad blogger lately. I've been avoiding visiting anyone's blog, because my Harry Potter book doesn't arrive from London until Friday, and I'm scared to death that someone is going to spoil the whole book for me. (Don't even think of being that person - I will literally hunt you down.)
And, of course, I really haven't been a regular poster during my time in Rockport. That has a lot to do with the amount of time I spent rehearsing/learning lines/drinking, but it's also had a lot to do with the time I've been spending with Snapple.
But now I find myself in a dilemma.
I think she's a really great girl, I do. But, once I'm done here, I'm going on vacation for two weeks. Then I'm going to be back in NYC for two weeks, and then back out here for the next gig. Which means a lot of long distance.
I have no problems doing long distance (I've done it a few times before, and I would have done it for the Power Broker), but, if I'm going to do it, I have to be 100% into the person. I don't want to be one of those actors who goes from port to port, cheating on his girlfriend/fiancee/wife. (I'd rather be the actor who just makes out with someone in each port, then leaves with no hard feelings, dignity intact for all involved.)
AndI just don't think I'm there. I'm at 75-80%. Maybe. I'm pretty sure that, given the opportunity on my travels, I'd make out with someone.
Doesn't bode well for this relationship, does it?
It's frustrating, because I think she's right for me in a lot of ways. Sure, she does some things that get on my nerves, but overall I think she's really great. But...I'm just not ready. Chalk it up to bad timing, I guess.
There are 3 1/2 weeks left here, so things may change. And that would be great. But I'm not holding my breath.
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2 comments:
You are funny. :) When crazy Lil' Bit was hovering, you made it very clear to her that you didn't see Snapple in the short term. Now that the long term is coming up...not so much.
You're absolutely right, though. You're not ready to commit. If the idea of becoming part of something greater than its two parts is not as appealing as the instant gratification that comes with various women, then you're not ready.
I beg of you...PLEASE make this clear to Snapple, so she's not caught off guard with your change of plans. Because even though you may not have promised her anything with your words, your actions speak a lot louder.
Oh. And if she doesn't want to pick where you left off in a month, that will have to be your fate. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
She's fully aware of how I feel - I actually told her before I wrote this entry. It wasn't a fun conversation, but I don't want to lead her on in any way.
And I know that it's totally possible for her to take off - and, honestly, I wouldn't blame her if she did. But all I can do is tell her what I want. Then the ball's in her court.
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