I feel like such a shit.
Remember GISS (Girl I'm Sorta Seeing)? I broke things off with her tonight. We've had kind of a funky relationship - opposite coasts for the past eight months. We were never really together (hence the "sorta" label), and I was always really honest with her - about how I felt, what I was doing, if I was dating, etc. People would always ask me about the future of the relationship and I would always say, "We'll see what happens when we get into the same place." Just tried not to worry about it, you know? We'll see what happens down the road.
But then, about a week ago, I had a conversation with her, where she mentioned three things:
1. Her sister felt like we shouldn't be talking, because I was bad for her.
2. GISS would get extremely jealous of me spending time with other girls.
3. We had been doing...this...whatever...for almost a year.
It was the third one that really got me. Here I am, in this quasi-relationship for a year, and where is it going? Do I really want to be with this person? Is she the love of my life? Am I in love with her?
Sometimes, when you start asking the hard questions, you wish you hadn't asked them.
And then, there's this (and no way for me to say it without sounding like a dick): I think she was more into it than I was. And for a while (until last week) I merely took the position, "Well, she's a grown woman, and I'm telling her the truth, so that's on her." But then my brother made an excellent point - if you care about someone, are you really going to do things that hurt them? "If you don't give a shit," he said, "then keep doing what you're doing. But if you really care about her, you probably shouldn't let things go too much farther, if you don't think you're going to end up with her."
She's awesome - she treated me very well, supportive, sent me care packages, likes sports, and...well, I was very happy with our "quality time"...like off the charts happy. But there were little things that got on my nerves, and at the end of the day...she's a great woman, but I just don't think she's for me. So I had to pull the trigger. Which I've only had to do twice before in my whole life - girls normally break up with me. I thought it was supposed to be easier on this side...
When will I stop feeling like an ass?