Monday, October 24, 2005

Tales from the Safeway

This definitely qualifies as one of the super-fun adventures I'm supposed to be blogging about.

I'm at the grocery store the other night...picking up a couple of beers before heading over to console my friend who's had his heart broken. I'm standing in the booze aisle, where a young lady is looking over the selection. Very cute, blonde hair, on the short side, casual but stylish. She does the look-at-you-'til-you-look-over-at-me-then-I'll-turn-my-head thing. Looks back and smiles at me, I smile at her. She comes over to me.

"Excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure..." (of course I'm thinking she's going to ask me out or something)

"Watermelon?"

(Stunned silence)

"Um...what?"

"Do you know where I could find watermelon?"

(Is this a joke? Is she joking right now? She did NOT just ask the black guy if he knew where the watermelons were...like he's got that location memorized, along with all the fried chicken joints.)

"Uh..."


"I just don't know where it could be..."

(I don't even LIKE watermelon! Did someone tell her to do this to black people? Is this some kind of sorority prank?)

(More silence)

(Less hypersensitive section of brain kicks in, focuses on cooler in front of face)

"Um, do you mean...watermelon-flavored ALCOHOL?"


"Yes!"

(Oh dear God...I thought I was going to have to kill this woman...)

"Well, there's some watermelon Smirnoff right in front of us..."


"Oh, yeah...that's exactly what I wanted! Wow, thank you so much!"

(Still stunned)

"Um, no problem."


"Cool. Well, have a good night..."

"You too..."

I have to get out of this town.


12 comments:

Aphrodite said...

What made you think she was in a sorority?...

Hmm....

Bright-Eyes said...

these are the women you date.
WHY should I not make fun of them again??????

hey, aphro, i think he meant it as a hazing/dare/initiation prank sort of thing. I take it you must be in one since that was what your radar picked up....?

But I know what you mean, klance, I am the only one involved here that ever gets double carded at this one restaurant we go to...all the time...

The Rover said...

Bright-Eyes is right - why else would you go up to someone and insult them? The only thing I could think of, at that moment, was that it was some kind of prank.

And, seriously, would you really drink watermelon-flavored booze?

The Rover said...

And, B-E, I wasn't DATING her...I didn't even say she was my type. Just the facts, ma'am.

Bright-Eyes said...

What what, sweetheart??

I know you weren't dating HER... I'm just sayin'

you know I have nothing but luv fuh ya!

::smooches::!!!!!

An A-List Celebrity said...

Damn. DAMN. And I get accused of racism.

Aphrodite said...

Actually, not in one.

Just saying...

Anonymous said...

She probably had no idea what the implication of her question might have been...she was probably just interested in finding some flavored alcohol--no insult or offense intended.

And to answer your question--yes, watermelon flavored booze is very tasty.

The Rover said...

I'm sure that she had no idea that what she said hit me the way it did. It was just a perfect storm - the atmosphere of the town, my mindset...

I'm sure she's a very nice young woman.

Bright-Eyes said...

Yea probably.... She also probably could have been a racist bitch

either or.

Anonymous said...

wow--bright eyes, very quick to assume the worst in others, eh? And we wonder what's wrong with the world today...

Bright-Eyes said...

Oh please.
I am just saying no one knows what she was thinking. So either or.

If you don't have to experience that sort of thing you like to think people aren't like that. But sometimes....they just are.

And I don't wonder what is wrong with the world...I know what is wrong... Republicans.