update

(If you haven't already, read the post below to get up to speed.)

Here's the text-message exchange we had last night, over the course of several hours, and after I tried calling her a couple of times:

LIL' BIT: I'm not coming. I'm going to cancel my ticket.

ME: I think that's a good idea.

LIL' BIT: I'm also not speaking to you indefinitely.

ME: Because...

LIL' BIT: I hate you so much.

ME: All righty then...

(I was really loathe to make any response - I mean, what am I supposed to do if she hates me? Beg forgiveness for something I'm not sorry for? But I felt like I had to say SOMETHING...)

LIL' BIT: I'm so glad you want to know why.

(And she was SO obviously bating me with this response. But I hate not knowing things, so I pressed on...)

ME: Well, I would...

(no response)

ME: ...but I'm not going to beg you for one. I'm in the middle of a really demanding show. So if you want to lay it out in an e-mail or voice mail, please do. If not, then I guess that's how we'll have to leave it...though that's not my choice...

LIL' BIT: Because I love you and I can't get over you. And I want to so much because you can move on.

ME: I understand and respect that. You have to do what's best for you.

LIL' BIT: Well I guess that's it then. I'm glad one of us is happy. Do I need to leave town when you're here?

ME: Of course not. [Your town] is big enough for both of us for a few days.

LIL' BIT: Is it? I don't know.

ME: Well, I'll give you your space. And you know how to get a hold of me...

LIL' BIT: Don't worry. You won't hear from me anymore.


Wow.

In re-reading all of this, I wonder if I was a little too harsh. But, honestly, I'm not in love with her, never told her I was in love with her (or even said "I love you"), and was pretty honest and open about how I felt about things at all times. So, even though I feel like a bit of a heel, I'm glad that the message has finally gotten through.

crazy

After an epic night last night, I woke up with a text message on my phone. It was from Lil' Bit (aka GISS) and it said, "Call me if you're up."

So, of course, I didn't. I broke things off with her for good a couple of weeks ago, so I've kind of been trying to keep my distance. (That's a whole 'nother set of posts.) I was supposed to go to breakfast with the girl (who, for now, we'll call Snapple), so I figured that I'd call her afterwards.

But when I checked my e-mail, I had three messages from Lil' Bit.

1st message: Hey. If I can figure out a plane ticket would it be cool for me to come visit ... and stay for a couple days? Let me know.

2nd message (half an hour after the first): was just browsing and I can fly for free on airline miles...let me know if it’s cool to come see you.

3rd message (eight minutes after the second): I took a chance and booked it. I have 3 days to cancel or change without penalty. Livin on the edge.

Um...what?

I told Snapple at breakfast, who was not very happy. I told her that I'd call Lil' Bit after we ate and try to dissuade her from coming. I was really hoping that, after talking to me, and hearing the reluctance in my voice, and hearing that I'm dating someone semi-seriously, that she would just decide not to come.

When I got her on the phone, she was all cheery - "I'm coming to see you!" - and when I asked her what made her decide to do this, she said, "It was a whim. Just a whim!" And that it just made sense, since she could buy the ticket for 5 dollars. She'd be staying for four days.

Not a good sign.

I asked her what she was planning to do on the visit (because I had been pretty clear with her, when I broke things off, that (a) I'm seeing someone else and (b) I don't want any more romantic stuff to happen) and she said that she was "open to anything", but that she really needed to get out of town and from her jobs and random stresses. So then I reminded here that I was seeing Snapple, to which she said, "Yeah, it'll be good for me to see that, 'cause it will be like closure."

You should have seen my face.

So I then asked how she was doing, and she basically said that she's pretty adrift, and doesn't know what she's doing with her life, and feels really lonely at home and keeps running after things that she shouldn't be chasing. (To which I wanted to say, "Why the fuck are you coming out here?" But, alas, I am too nice.)

Then she asked how I was, and I told her that I was working my ass off, but really happy, having a good time with the new girl, etc. I was really playing up the fact that Snapple is from NY, and that this wasn't a fling for me. After that, she got off the phone pretty fast, but still played the whole I'm-so-excited card.

I admit, I was pretty shocked.

I wanted to call her back and just flat out tell her not to come (which was my first instinct). I decided to call one of my best friends. While waiting for her to call me back (she was having some big talk with Maxine, actually - irony of ironies) Lil' Bit sent me a text message saying, "I feel weird. I don't know if I should come."

I responded, "I feel weird about it, too. When do you have to decide?"

"I have three days to make a change."

So I wrote back, "I'll talk to you about it tomorrow," but then I sent a text after that said, "Give me a call when you get a chance," because I don't want this to drag out another day - I'm going to tell her straight up not to come.

And when I talked to my friend, she agreed, and basically said that she was crazy. I think that I had been in shock up until that point - I mean, I really couldn't believe what was happening. But during my conversation with my friend, I started to get angry - who buys a plane ticket and then tells you that they're coming? She had the time to send me three e-mails and a text message - she couldn't pick up the phone and fucking CALL me to ask if it was ok? Or wait a few hours? What the fuck?

Anyway, I probably should just have followed my original instinct (although that would have involved yelling, which I don't like to do - I mean, I have a show tonight and I should save my voice), but like an idiot I decided to try and be nice and check out the situation to see how she was feeling...well, I KNOW how she's feeling.

Crazy.

Anyway, when she calls me (or when I call her), I'm going to tell her that I don't think it's a good idea, and I don't want her to come. Period.

(sigh)

Reaction?

(I'll let you know what happens, don't worry...)

not much to report

A cool grey day here in Rockport. I need to learn lines and do laundry, but I don't wanna. I wanna play Playstation 'til my eyes bug out. Is there anything wrong with that?

I've been really bad about writing lately - both here and in my journal - and I always think of the old axiom that when the most things are going on in your life, you have the least amount of time to record them. So true.

I am having a great summer. Work is good, the crazy factor is positive (meaning I'll have some nice stories for you later in the summer), and things with the girl continue to go well. One of my NYC friends came out last week and met her, and she approves, which is always a relief. And the roommate is out of the house for a few hours, which is AWESOME. Just me and Clementine, surfin' the web and procrastinating.

Hopefully I'll have more interesting things to tell you next week - right now I'm just checkin' in, floating on a cloud of lazy...

no, i didn't kill her

My friend called me earlier today and chided me for not updating the roommate situation. I think she was secretly wondering if I had killed her.

It's better. Apparently (by her own admission), she was PMSing last week, which makes her "crazy". Mind you, I haven't seen any huge strides in cleanliness the last few days, but we'll give her the benefit of the doubt, I guess. She did have a huge blowup before a rehearsal last week, but I wasn't there, so I can't really give too many details.

Anyway, I'm up to my neck in learning lines, so I may be pretty scarce for the next week or so. But I'll be back, with a vengeance, very shortly...

roommate issues

My roommate is driving me crazy.

She's a very nice woman, and she means well. Caring and supportive, blah blah blah. BUT...

- SHE'S A SLOB. Her room is a mess, there are always crumbs everywhere, the upstairs bathroom (which she has totally taken over) is filthy, and I'm always finding three-quarters empty Starbucks cups and banana peels (seriously) all over the place. She even poured popcorn into a COLLANDER last week, and then wondered why we had popcorn all over the floor. Which I had to vacuum up, by the way. Which reminds me...

- SHE DOESN'T CLEAN UP AFTER HERSELF. I'm always the one vacuuming, or doing the dishes, or wiping down the counters. I think she emptied the dishwasher once.

- SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO USE A TRASH CAN. She just keeps piling things on top of the pile until it overflows. Sometimes I'll close the bag, if there's something really stinky in the can. And what does she do? She just throws her trash on top of the closed plastic bag. It's disgusting. And, of course, I'm the only one who takes the garbage out.

- SHE'S TOO FAMILIAR. You know those people who assume that they can joke around with you, or make certain assumptions about you because "they know you so well"? I was being called "baby" from about day 3. And she's also come up with a very annoying nickname for me, a bastardized version of my real name. It drives me crazy. And she knows it drives me crazy, and she's tried to come up with something else, but at least once a day I hear that damn nickname. Makes me want to puncture my own eardrums.

- SHE'S CONSTANTLY USING MY COMPUTER. Clementine is a one-man laptop, people. I don't get good reception downstairs, so I've got to come upstairs to get online, and every time I'm up here she asks to get on to do some small task. And then she ends up on the thing for hours. And she always logs me out of my e-mail, which drives me crazy.

There's more, but I don't have the heart to go through it all. I don't know if I can make it through the whole summer, y'all.

stupid internet

I was really annoyed earlier, because I wanted to post something, but the internet connection in my apartment isn't so hot.

It makes no sense. They're housing the actors in this giant apartment complex, and they've got three or four different networks here just for us, and ALL of them kinda suck. I had to come up here to one of the rooms with the little AirPort station so that I could get a reliable connection (because I was trying to send out my info for a couple of jobs).

And, of course, now that I'm on, I have no idea what I wanted to write about.

I will say, since I have your attention, that if you are a movie person, I've seen three good ones lately. KNOCKED UP is hilarious, OCEAN'S THIRTEEN was very classy, and BREACH is fascinating. You're welcome.

OK, I'm going to enjoy my day off - because I'm not going to have much free time for the next month or so.

quelle coincidence

So I decided to call Maxine tonight. She's going to Europe for two weeks, and I figured that I probably should talk to her before she leaves.

It starts out as kind of a strange conversation, full of stops and starts. I was a little nervous, because I figured that I should probably tell her that I'm dating this new girl. (Still working on a name for her.)

(It's a really long story, but I usually wait to tell her if I'm messing around with someone because I don't want to hurt her feelings, and then when I eventually tell her, she's peeved because I didn't tell her sooner. So we made a pact that we'd tell each other what was up when we knew what was going on. Back to the story.)

So she mentions going to some show, and being really annoyed (in classic Maxine fashion) because they said the show would be 2:05 and it ended up being 2:30, and she had someplace to be. And I say, in classic Rover fashion, "What, did you have a hot date?"

Her response?

"No." Pause. "Maybe."

Turns out that shortly after I met this new girl, she met a guy who lives two blocks away from her.

It's really funny. We both are excited about our new situations, but trying not to get ahead of ourselves. She's sensitive towards my feelings, and vice versa. Truth be told, I'm really excited for her. It's been a long time since she's met someone that she's really been into. I may feel weird about it when I go back to BK, but for right now I can be behind this 100%.

Anyway, I thought that was a little strange, and worth sharing.

PS. Melissa, if you don't believe me, you can see evidence on my MySpace page...

the ladies

First of all, at the risk of sounding like an insensitive pig, there are tons of hot ladies in Rockport. There's a sizable college in town, and it's amazing how many attractive young females are around.

Unfortunately, since I've sworn off the young ones, most of them are off-limits.

One of my friends raised the point that, if I just want a summer fling, I shouldn't have to worry about how old they are (as long as they are legal). If you've ever dated anyone significantly younger (or older), however, you know that it can sometimes be hard to relate. I spent half of my time with Jr. Miss rolling my eyes at some of the things she said. Of course, maybe that's because she's crazy.

Fortunately for me, I think that I've got something going with someone a little bit older.

GASP!

(When I told my brother about this the other day, he was actually shocked that I was dating someone older than 23. I don't know quite what to say about that.)

Anyway, this thing is still in the early stages (a little over a week), and I don't know where it's going, but so far so good. She's working on the show, and she'll be in Rockport all summer. She's also kind of different from a lot of the women that I've dated in the past, too (and for your information, L. Britt/Melissa/tuckergurl, she's not a blonde).

More about this later. I've got to get to the gym and finish up by four, so I can finally stop playing phone tage with one of my friends...

seriously?

Why is it that drunk frat boys think it's cool to say things like, "brother" to me?

As in, "Hey brother, gimme high five!"

And I'm not referring to the NorCal "brother", or SoCal "bro", either. I am addressed in this manner because I am a young black man.

Last night I just opened my eyes real wide and said, "Hey..." The reactions of the other three people with me (all of whom were white) ranged from bemusement to "I can't believe you didn't just knock him out."

Whatever.

i am a slacker

Hello?

Is anyone out there?

Sorry I haven't thrown anything up here in a while - the transition to Rockport has been very very busy. I had a 50 hour week last week, which sucks, and when I wasn't in the theater, I was drinking. A lot.

(But I'm sober right now, thanks for asking.)

Things out here are excellent. I've gotten used to the shock of being out here without my old friends. There are a handful of the people from the old regime that are still around, so that helps. The head honcho worked with me at one of my previous stops, and he and his wife are going to have me over for dinner/drinks soon, so I'm looking forward to that.

I'm hoping to have some fun stories to tell you over the course of the summer. There are a couple of potential comedy gold mines here. I can tell you that the other night, at the big icebreaker party, I had a girl tell me that she wished she was attracted to black men, because I was hot.

(For the record, she is at least 1/2 Mexican. And, yes, I am hot. Can't you tell by my picture?)

I've got a bunch of days off in a row, so hopefully you'll get more news from me. Anything in particular you want me to post about?

(There will be a post about the ladies of Rockport...in a while...)

oh, Neil

I honestly think that Neil LaBute just wants to get under our skin.

When I went to college, there was a fraternity that had the following LaBute-esque motto: "Loved or hated, but never ignored." Sounds like this fits our playwright to a T.

He wrote an article calling for color-blind casting in all roles, including African-American, Asian-American, etc.

This is the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

Look, if you're telling a story about tea, or football, or war, then you can play with race, or gender. But if you're telling a story about Asians, doesn't it confuse the matter somewhat if you cast the piece with a bunch of Black people?

Maybe I'm crazy. Read the article, and let me know what you think...

workin'

Evenin', ladies and gents. I'm here, safe and sound in Rockport, hard at work already.

I got only an hour and a half of sleep on Saturday night - had to wake up at 4am to take the train out to JFK to make my flight. I'm still trying to catch-up.

I've been running around for three consecutive days, so I'm pretty wiped. I'm hoping that I have a bit more energy tomorrow - hopefully I'll have time to write more. Guess we'll see.

Right now, though, my makeshift king-size bed is calling me.

kids today...

While walking to the subway the other day, I passed a couple of middle school kids holding hands. Very cute.

And then, another middle school-aged kid came up to them, pointing and yelling. You know how their hormones are raging, so they can't handle romance with other kids, and have to make a scene whenever they see it? That's what happened.

Except the kid said, "OMG!"

Yes, he actually said OMG. He then followed it up with the traditional, "Oh my God!" but the fact that he actually spoke in text-speak was alarming. Are we really that lazy of a society?

I must be getting old.

ping pong balls

I love the NBA Draft Lottery.

It's nothing fancy, just opening up some envelopes to tell us who will pick where...but I still love it. (I also love the NFL Draft, too, but that's another story.)

So I'm happy that it looks like basketball may be saved in the northwest, and I'm happy that the Knicks didn't end up squandering the #1 pick, and I'm happy that the Celtics are screwed once again. Good times.

Off to bed. I leave in five days...are you excited?

pop quiz

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything - trying to get my NY life in tip-top shape before I take off for the summer. I finally found a sublettor - who was willing to pay all three months up front, which is awesome - thanks for the help that several of you offered.

I actually wrote this post on a piece of paper on Wednesday afternoon, after an adventure of mine on Tuesday night. All quizes will count towards your final exam. All questions should be answered as if you were The Rover.

1. If alcohol didn't exist, I would be:
a. ten pounds lighter
b. less fun
c. rich
d. the 40-year old virgin

2. Making out with someone with a significant other is only ok if:
a. s/he has decided they want to end the relationship
b. s/he has a history of being unfaithful
c. you had a previous encounter/relationship together
d. one or both of you are leaving town
e. it's not - you are a horrible person

3. Sleeping with a Republican makes me:
a. a bad person
b. a uniter instead of a divider

sublet hell

I'm SO frustrated.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to sublet my room, with little success.

Part of the problem is my schedule - I've been really busy, and I haven't been available to have people come by.

Part of the problem is my roommates - they have busy schedules, and getting them in the same place at the same time is difficult.

And part of the problem is luck.

I showed the place to a guy last week. He liked it, but he needed to talk to the roommate that wasn't present, and he wasn't sure about the money. He said no on Friday.

I cancelled a trip out of town to show the place to a woman on Saturday morning. She loved it. She needed to talk to the roommate who wasn't present. But, an hour after she saw the place, she called to say that she found another place, and it was equally suitable, and they could commit to her right then, so she was taking it.

Now I have an open house scheduled to start in ten minutes. I sent out info to 20 people. Four replied that they were coming. One just cancelled.

Both of my roommates aren't coming (which REALLY aggravates me, since this is the whole reason I'm doing this on Sunday night, because they both said they would be there).

I leave in two weeks, and I just want to get this over with, so that I can deal with the million other things on my plate.

the french have taught me something today

The French have a new president.

Now, normally, I don't take my political cues from France. I mean, these are people who protest when they have to work more than 35 hours a week. Unbelievable.

But, in their election, there's one thing that they have gotten so unbelievably right.

Their first-round election was a couple of weeks ago.

Their general election was today. (84% turnout, too.)

And when does their new president take office? MAY 16.

I bet that it would be a lot easier to have focused campaigns if they didn't drag on for, oh, TWO YEARS.

I'm just sayin'.

to the girl i ate wings with tonight

First off, welcome to F&G.

Second, you're kickass.

Third, your football proclivities seriously make me want to marry you.

a li'l spring cleaning

New links up. Check them out. Good stuff. Anything else I should look at?

I'd really like to redesign my site, because I'm pretty bored with it. Any suggestions?

I've done very little this weekend, and it's been perfect. Four weeks to go...

decadence

I tried caviar for the first time last night.

Salty.

Do people really love it enough to eat scoop after scoop? I can't imagine someone digging into that with tortilla chips or anything. I had mine on top of a slice of raw potato, which was much less gross than it sounds.

We had a swanky function at one of my jobs, and one of the companies that was present ended up hiring eight leggy models, who handed out promotional materials all night.

So whose phone number do I end up getting?

The assistant's.

(In my defense, she's really cute.)

i'm back!

Home sweet home, finally.

I had a great trip and, even though I didn't take my computer, I blogged during the whole thing. If scribbling entries into a legal notebook counts as blogging...

Anyway, I posted everything below according to the dates they were written. So you can scroll down and work your way back up, or, if you're superlazy, you can click on the links below.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V

vacation diary pt. V

It's the end of my trip.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I'm on the LIRR. Picked this over taking the subway - it's cleaner, it's faster, and it's much more comfortable. Totally worth the extra $3 I spent.

Plane flight back was ok. Kind of bumpy, and our TVs in our row went out halfway through the flight (so I missed Pardon The Interruption, which did not make me a happy camper), and I was seated next to another chatter (what is it about me?), so it could have been better. The chatter forced me to keep my headphones on at all times, even when I was reading, or sleeping.

I just want to be left alone. Is that too much to ask? Or have a hot seatmate. Instead, I always get kids, or hippies, or new moms with their agitated babies who latch onto me, or old folks...go figure.

Once, when I was flying to Sleepy Hamlet, I ended up having to sit next to a woman who literally spilled into the seats on either side of her. I spent the entire flight leaning into the aisle. The worst part was that the woman on the other side of her had accidentally sat in the wrong seat, leading to the following awkward exchange when the actual person showed up:

STANDING WOMAN: Um, I think you're in my seat.

SQUISHED WOMAN: Oh, really?

STANDING WOMAN: Um, yeah. But you can just stay there, if you want.

SQUISHED WOMAN: No, it's your seat, I should move.

STANDING WOMAN: Um, well, I don't want to make you get up. But it's up to you...

SQUISHED WOMAN: (after a brief pause) I'll move.

Good times.


I really have to pee.



So I had a great time in LA. Every time I visit I debate whether or not I should move there. (You surely remember this epic debate. Or this one. Or this.)

Of course, the question is not "if", but "when".

Anyway, it was great to see all of my friends. And I had a really good time with Li'l Bit. I've come to the conclusion that I really never gave the relationship a fair shake. There are a couple of things she does that drive me frickin' crazy (you don't always have to compare what someone else is doing to what you're doing!), but I have so much fun with her, and I can completely be my stupid, silly, dirty, zany, horny self around her. And she likes it.

But now, it's back to my real life. And that's always the strangest part about returning from vacation - going back to normal. Of course, in my case, normal is only five weeks, before heading off to Rockport...

Hope that you liked these...

vacation diary pt. IV

At a Starbucks on Santa Monica Blvd - I actually wrote from this very store when I was here almost exactly one year ago - killing some time. LA is cool. I really really like it. I wish it wasn't so far away from home, though.

And I'm being treated to a real LA moment, too - the two guys next to me are talking movies - real industry stuff. Maybe I should slip them a headshot...

I'm killing time because Li'l Bit is at the gym - she's working on becoming a trainer. Every time I see her, I am reminded that she's (a) very cute and (b) very nice. I wonder if I would give it a real shot if I were here? I have this conversation with myself at least once a month. I guess that, for some reason, I can't let go. I think that distance has a lot to do with that. After my history with Maxine, I am honestly scared to make a big move for a woman.

Maybe I should see how the next three days go first, before making any grand pronouncements.

In other news, I am an idiot.

(Insert your favorite joke about me here.)

I left my noise-reducing headphones and my iPod on the plane.

I realized this when I got to Li'l Bit's place. I opened up my bag to select some reading material and voila! She was very calm - made me call the airline post-haste. And the plane people were very kind - turns out that they had the stuff. And thank God...that was like $500 worth of electronics there. So we're going to go back to the airport after her training session. If I had lost that stuff, I would have been so upset. I mean, I know that it's just stuff, but it's the money that I spent behind it...all that work... I just hate working so hard for something and then - poof! - it's gone, due to my stupidity.

On that tip, I've noticed lately that I'm a real miser. I'm reluctant to spend money on anything. I've always been somewhat cautious with my money, but it's been worse the past couple of months.

This period of tight-fistedness has also coincided with my orgy of employment. For the first time in a long time, I'm making plenty of money. There have only been two or three other times in my life where I've felt financially secure. For example, before I left for this trip, I paid all of my bills for the month. It felt great.

I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to wake up one morning and have nothing. I hate being broke.

I know it's an irrational fear. I've got employment for the next four months, and, if things break right - keep your fingers crossed - I could be working straight through next February.

I'm just trying to be smart, and sane, about my finances. I'm taking baby steps. I've enrolled in the Keep The Change program at Bank of America. I'm trying to mass a large sum of money, then take off a chunk and pay off a credit card. And then repeat. And I'm also setting aside money for my 2007 taxes, since I paid lots of state tax last year.

I just feel like I have to be a grown-up about my finances. If not now, when?

Off to write in my journal.

vacation diary pt. III

I just stood in the longest airport checkpoint line ever. Despite the length, it moved quickly and efficiently, and I think I was in it for about 30 minutes. Security was yelling out instructions, people were trading plastic bags...amazing.

Why don't more airports sell plastic bags? Actually, come to think of it, why don't more people plan ahead? These new liquid travel rules have been in place since August...if you're going to get all mad about it now, you're just an idiot for not knowing the rules.

Anyway, I survived the line and am now standing at my gate about a half hour before my flight. Compared to the organized chaos before security, it's quiet back here.

Off to LA!

vacation diary pt. II

I had a vivid dream last night about interviewing Billy Joel. I was totally unprepared. There were a lot of things that I was forgetting to do, and I spent several minutes trying to figure out the tape recorder function on my cell phone. It was like my recurring "bad actor" dream, except for writing. That just totally popped into my head.

In Cowtown news (where I am right now), I'm having a blast with Suri. I came here to see a show she's doing, and it was amazing - very exciting to see.

I also spent some quality time with Jr. Miss - remember her? Total weirdness. Don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but she came to New York a couple of weeks ago, and we had a...dalliance...and it was a great time, totally good. But now...it's back to the games. Anyway, I shouldn't be surprised.

Kind of nice to be back in Cowtown. I like the place, and I miss it a little bit. But most of the people I hung out with here (including Suri) are leaving.

Off to LA, and Li'l Bit, t'm'row. Update soon...

vacation diary pt. I

I'm delayed at JFK. We're waiting for our plane to land, which will happen in about 15 minutes. They made an announcement about this, and yet there is a line of people in front of me, inexplicably waiting to board the plane. Why? LISTEN, people!

(sigh)


- So why do strangers feel the need to strike up conversations with me? It's like they're drawn in, somehow. I do everything I can to avoid these random conversations: I check my cell phone, try to look mean, etc. Doesn't work.

I'm currently dealing with two of these right now, one on either side. On the left is a hen-pecked older black man, whose wife keeps ordering him to check the status of the plane. On my right is a plump white woman who keeps asking random questions.

(Both of them are on their cell phones right now - the man said, "Hello?" about three times.)

So why do the crazies always find me? Do I have a welcoming scent? Do I look friendly? I just don't get it. And it's never hot chicks that talk to me, either...very frustrating.


- I've decided that I'm going to write these entries note-style, and then transcribe them onto my blog later. It feels like cheating, but, really, who gives a fuck?

(Actually, I do.)

Writing these down on paper is actually a positive thing. I'm writing because I didn't bring my trusty laptop, Clementine, with me. I always travel with my laptop. I feel a bit naked without it, but I must admit that my shoulders feel better. I just figured that since I spend all day at jobs #1&2 in front of a computer - why did I need to haul mine around the country with me?


- I'm upset about the prices here at the airport. Earlier, I heard a lady complaining about $12 sandwiches. I ended up paying $11.26 for a 18" sandwich and a bottle of water. (Hey, the H2O came from the clouds - that's gotta be worth something extra, right?)


- There's a small dog in front of me wearing a striped sweater. It's really cute, but I'm currently praying that it's not going to be my seatmate!

Actually, I'll be fairly forgiving, because I managed to snag an emergency exit row seat. YES! It pays to book your ticket weeks ahead of time.


All right, enough "blogging" for now. Going to try and sketch out an article for the website I write for...more later...

vay-cay

Off for a little fresh air and sunshine.

Fresh air first, courtesy of Cowtown - going to visit Suri for a bit, which should be good times. Apparently the locals are driving her crazy, and she can't wait to leave.

Sunshine is second, as I fly from there to LA, and hang with the peeps. I'm staying with Li'l Bit (nee GISS), which should also be good times.

I come back to the BK on Tuesday night. I'll try to post an update or two while I'm gone. Any requests for souvenirs? Someone has already asked me for the ocean, so that's taken...

VT

Thoughts and prayers go out to the Virginia Tech community, especially those who were in the building earlier today. I was monitoring the situation at work today, and was horrified as I watched the death toll climb and climb. What a horrific act.

"and five more to me..."

More questions! This from L. Britt.

Ask me more! I like answering them. And I'll put all future answers on this post, so check back.


1. What's the longest you've been single? I mean truly single...not having drama with an ex, not in an ambiguious friendship, not in a f*ck buddy scenario, not in relationship that you can't define...just single?

Um...I'm a little embarrassed at the answer to this question...since I started college, I guess it's probably no longer than two or three months, honestly. I always seem to have somebody around that's more than a friend, even if it's not physical. I rarely have "friendships with benefits" or fuckbuddies, though.

2. Did you expect to be where you are in your career at this point in your life?

Not by a longshot. I never thought I'd be doing this much classical theater. And, even though I'm confident in my abilities (despite my post below), I'm always surprised when I get cast in something. I do think a part of me thought I might be farther along, but most of me is just surprised.

3. Does the big news have to do with work or personal life?

The news is below, but it's work-related. Although there could be personal ramifications...

4. Who did you not get with in grad school that you wish you did?

A difficult question to answer without names! I did make out with several, and I wanted to make out with...well, most of the ladies. But I would say that the Indian girl is #1 with a bullet.

5. What made you change your mind about your attitude toward your credit card debt?

My awareness first started back in 2003, when I first started working in the Sleepy Hamlet and made a weekly and monthly budget for the first time. I've had problems with credit cards since college - because I didn't fully understand the fact that I would have to pay them off someday - and I always seem to get things into a manageable position before things get back again.

After returning from my latest trip to Cowtown, I survived off unemployment for two months, which wasn't enough, so I had to use my credit card. After I got my three jobs, I was able to take stock of my financial picture - and it's not pretty. And I decided that I didn't want to get any deeper in debt, because doing so would really affect my future ability to have a family. I've got to get that under control before I ask someone to make a commitment to me, let alone have kids.

analysis

I'm sitting in my apartment. I just got back from an audition (and there was no point in going back to job #2).

I have that "i'm a crappy human being because my audition sucked and i can't act" feeling. It happens at least once a month.

But, rather than dwelling on the negativity, I'm going to break down why I didn't feel like this was my best audition, and take a look at the factors that contributed to this malaise. More productive than giving myself a beatdown, right?

1. I'M TIRED

Last night I didn't have to work at job #3, so you would assume that I would have gotten seven or eight hours of sleep.

You would be wrong.

I had a lot of stuff to get done, and I wanted to cut my hair, and then GISS (who I'm going to start calling Li'l Bit, per her request...even though she doesn't read this blog) sent me a text message, so we ended up chatting on the computer for an hour and a half, and before I knew it, it was almost three. And I had to work at eight.

Maybe that explains why I had no energy on stage.

2. THE CASTING DIRECTOR WAS DISORGANIZED

I showed up about 15 minutes before my audition, as is my custom. I sat outside of the room, and the CD (who was serving as the monitor, introducing everybody to the auditors) came out and got my name.

Then, when he came out to bring the next person in, he asked for my name again. When I told him, he told me that I was way early.

When he came out the next time, he told me that I wasn't on the list at all, and he didn't have any information on me. Fortunately, the person I was auditioning for had seen me before, and recognized my headshot when the CD brought it in. But it's kind of disconcerting, when you've prepped for several hours for an audition, and they tell you it's not going to happen.

Which leads me to...

3. I DIDN'T PREP WELL ENOUGH

Maybe the first two things wouldn't have bothered me if I had spent more time with the material. I spent about an hour on the three sides I received, plus a couple of hours reading the play and some additional time doing research.

I don't like spending too much more time that that because I want to "keep it fresh", but it would probably help in situations like this.


Of course, it's an audition. I'll never know why I didn't (or did) get a callback. And, in a few hours, I won't care. I'll move on to the next one. That's what I do. That's my job.

Still...this feeling sucks.

drumroll please

The news I've been withholding?

I got a gig.

The role is great! Too bad I can't tell you about it...I'd out myself for sure.

12 weeks, late May to mid-August. I'm still trying to formulate a catchy name for the place I'm going - I'll let you know as soon as I come up with it.

I actually auditioned for this back in December, and was sure that I was going to get this. But then I went back to New York and I got lost in the casting shuffle. The artistic director (who is a friend of mine) assured me that that wouldn't happen next year.

And then - poof! - someone dropped out, and there was an opening.

I did some auditions about ten days ago, and then the AD was on vacation, and during that time I got an offer to do my all-time favorite play somewhere in the wilds of the North Atlantic. They called me on a Thursday and wanted me to start on Tuesday (today), and the pay was crap, and I wasn't going to get any health insurance weeks.

We went back and forth Thursday night, and Friday morning I talked to their head honcho, who said she was going to try and scrape together some more money and would call me back soon. She didn't.

Meanwhile, the first AD dropped me a note, telling me to keep him posted on any other offers I had. I told him about the North Atlantic situation. An hour later we were on the phone, and he was telling me that they still had one more person to see, but that, as of that moment, I was the choice.

It became official earlier this afternoon.

So, I only have to work three jobs for six more weeks...then, back to the boards.

I can't wait.

...and Five More Questions

These from tuckergurl:

1. What does "settling down" mean to you?

The end of life itself.

Just kidding...

It means that I'd rather come home to one person than go out to party with hundreds.

2. Have you ever hooked up (even kissed) a guy?

I've had to kiss several guys on stage, but never "for real". I admit that, before the first time, I was curious - would I like it? would it change me? - but as soon as it happened, I was like, "Yeah, I'm TOTALLY straight." Guys are too rough, and the whole facial hair thing? Yuck. I honestly don't know how women do it.

3. Which actor has the career you want?

Good question - too bad my brain is fried and I'm worthless right now. I'm kind of envious of the way that Liev Schrieber flips back and forth from stage to screen, so I'll say him.

4. If you could live in a city outside of the US, what would it be?

I've only been to Canada and England, so my choices aren't particularly well-informed. I'd probably say Paris, although Oslo or Tokyo or Sao Paolo or Vancouver would be cool, too.

5. What actor do you think is just overrated?

I really don't like Nic Cage, but he was great in Leaving Las Vegas. I think I might have to pick Kirsten Dunst - I went back and watched Bring It On the other day (which I watched because, as I explained to my roommate, I am in love with Eliza Dushku and Gabrielle Union) and was sorely disappointed in Kiki's performance. I remembered it being a lot better.

That's kind of a wimpy answer, I know, but I'm so tired. I plead sleep deprivation.

Five More Questions

...from the Hot Librarian...

1. What was the turning point that made you decide to pursue acting as a career?

That's an excellent question. There was a point in my college career where I knew that politics wasn't for me, and I was kind of at a loss for what to do next. My girlfriend at the time had been bugging me to try and go to grad school, so the thought was in my head.

I guess the moment where I knew it was going to happen was after my dad (who was unemployed) set me up with one of his headhunters for some job in one of the Carolinas. And the headhunter was going over all of the academic requirements and I just kept thinking, "That's not me." I hadn't been accepted to grad school at that time, and fairly soon after that phone call, I decided that if I didn't get in anywhere, I was going to move in with my little brother in NY and give the acting thing a real shot.

Fortunately, I didn't have to do that.


2. What was your favorite college experience? (It's a good question, so I'm stealing it)

Oooooh, HL, that hurts. Stealing my own question!

There were a few. In no particular order:

- sitting around watching the will-they-or-won't-they of Ross and Rachel on Friends (so sad, i know)

- playing flag football with the guys

- my surprise 20th birthday party

- hanging out with the Hot Librarian and my girlfriend and my roommate - always good times

- finishing my last paper

- making out on the beach during post-exams sophomore year - that week was incredible

I think that's enough.


3. If you had the opportunity to run for public office -- and you had a good chance of winning -- would you go for it?

Only if I were in a position to really affect change. I don't think that I'd ever want to be President - but if I thought I could really fix things, I do it. But on a local level - sure, I could see myself doing that someday. (After I permanently erased my blog!)


4. Do you want to settle down with one person, and if so, do you think you've already met her?

I've been thinking about this question since I got it. I definitely want to settle down with one person, but lately I've been thinking about becoming George Clooney. I mean, he's got a great life, right? And he seems pretty happy.

The thing is, I'm a person who needs space - at least 20 minutes a day to totally do my own thing. That tends to get on the nerves of most of my exes.

As far as people...I really have NO idea who it could be. I think that, if she ditches the ex, and some of my job/her school plans work out, I could have a future with the Power Broker. And maybe the GISS would have an outside shot. Other than those two, I really don't have a clue who it could be. Do you? I'd love some suggestions...


5. What is your acting-related dream job?

I've always said that I have three: doing Shakespeare in Central Park, having a leading/featured role in a major motion picture, and...working at the theater company in Sleepy Hamlet. So far I'm 1 for 3.


Any more questions for me?

big news coming soon!

I'm at home with the fam, for Easter. I've been wanting to write for a few days now, but I've got to wait until it's 100% before talking about it. Even here, anonymously.

So...I'll write when I can.

Your Mom was kind enough to send me some interview questions, which I'll put up a little later.

Right now, I have to go see if Maxine is still sulking in my room. She got pissed when I told her the reason why I don't wear the scarf she made me a couple of years ago is because it's a woman's scarf. (You know, like men's shirts button on one side and women's the other...well, straight men generally don't wear skinny scarfs. Right? If I'm wrong, please tell that to the half-dozen people who made fun of me for wearing a girl's scarf.)

(sigh)

More later.

busy but good

That's my life right now.

Had a series of auditions down south, fairly close to the Power Broker's neck of the woods. I'll keep you posted on those.

April is going to be a very busy month, I think. Besides my ninety-four jobs, I'm travelling three out of the next four weekends. First up is a trip home for Easter. I'm going with my brother...and Maxine, who has never been to the 'burgh. Should be good times. I think.

Off to get some sleep. 7 hours! That's a lot...

Five Question Interview Meme

The Rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.” I respond by asking you five personal questions (I will leave these questions for you in my comments) so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! You WILL update your journal/bloggy thing/whatever with the answers to the questions (please don't leave your answers in my comments unless you don't have a blog). You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the questions So Gone asked me:

1.) If you were not to pursue acting, what would be your dream job?

Are we talking a realistic job? I grew up wanting to be the starting quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, but I think that Ben Roethlisberger has that covered for the next decade or so. And I used to want to go into politics, but that was a lifetime ago. So, if I have to answer, I'd probably say being an urban planner. Like Robert Moses, only less evil/power hungry. Sports broadcaster would probably be number 2.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that one of my great regrets in life is giving up on my fledgling baseball career. I would love to play that game for a living. My dad passed up a shot at a baseball contract. I didn't get that close, but I think I can still say...like father, like son...

2.) What is the one characteristic a woman must have, no matter what, for
you to love her?

Personality-wise, I'll say independent intelligence - she can make up her own mind, without having to follow the herd.

Physically, she has to have a nice ass. That's not negotiable.

3.) If you met a woman who was your absolute dreamgirl, your soulmate, and
she told you that in order to stay together, you had to quit acting - what
would you do?

I've been thinking about the proper response to this for a while - good question! My first instinct was to be flip and say, "My soulmate would never ask me to quit." But I think that's kind of a copout.

So I thought some more. And I figured that, since there are a couple of things I could potentially see myself doing one day - like teaching, or writing, or possibly even politics or planning - that I would stop, for the sake of the relationship.

But then I thought, "But I still could do stuff on the side, right? Like, as a hobby?" And as soon as the thought entered my head, I realize that I don't think I could walk away from acting. At least, not right now. I mean, the reason why I act is because I can't do anything else. I'm qualified to pursue other things, and I have the intelligence and the aptitude...but I just can't do it.

So I'd try like hell to convince her that rejecting my career is rejecting ME. And if that didn't work...I'd have to say good-bye. But I'd probably be heart-broken.

4.) What is your favorite childhood memory?

There's a lot of them, many of them involving playing outside, or looking for caterpillars in the driveway, or riding bikes, or playing sports with my best friend, or doing stupid shit with my brother. But my favorites are the two earliest.

I remember, the night my brother was born, standing on tip-toe, looking out the screen door up the street, waiting for my parents to come back with my new sibling. And my grandmother telling me to come inside for my bath. And 60 Minutes was on.

The other memory is even earlier than that - it's my only memory of the 70's: I clearly remember waving good-bye to our old apartment building, sitting in the back seat of my mother's old Chevy Nova, as we drove away. My father took a picture of me and my mother, sitting in the car, just before we left. It was so full of stuff that they put me in the backseat in a cardboard box. (We didn't need seat belts or car seats in the seventies!) It's one of my favorite pictures of myself.

5.) Who is your idol?

As a little kid, it was Lynn Swann, a wide receiver for the Steelers who took ballet in the off-season. My idol as a teen was Barry Bonds the former Pirate-now Giant outfielder - we went to the same barber, and he always made time for my brother and I, and was quite gracious in doing so. When I was first starting out as an actor, it was Denzel Washington.

Now? That's a hard question. Merriam-Webster defines idol as "an object of extreme devotion: ideal". Dictionary.com says "any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion".

Those are pretty tough standards to live up to.

I guess, if pressed, I'd have to say my parents. They've done everything right, and I think they're great people. I love them, but I like them, too. I think they're the bees' knees, if you know what I mean.

get serious

Ever have one of those moments where everything comes into focus?

I had one of those a couple of years ago, just before I started this blog. The epiphany was related to working out and being healthy. In previous years, I always had problems sticking to workout plans. I'd do a week or two and then quit.

But, after sitting down with a trainer, I knew that I had to get serious about my health, if I wanted to look like a "leading man" and, more importantly, if I wanted to live longer than many of the men in my family. I radically changed my diet, and got serious about exercise. And those lessons have stuck with me to this day. I may not work out as hard as I used to, but at least now I'm aware of the choices I'm making.

I had a similar one yesterday morning about my finances.

I carry a lot of credit card debt. I'm not ashamed of this (although some people think I should be). I didn't fully realize, when I was an undergraduate, that the things I bought today would eventually have to be paid for. So I ran up quite a sizeable tab. And I've never recovered.

That debt has caused me a lot of grief over the last ten years or so, and has indirectly caused more debt. (You know, not having cash to pay for things because my money was already going towards credit, so you charge more things, etc...) And now I'm in a pretty big hole. Not insurmountable, but daunting.

I realized yesterday that I needed to get serious about paying the cards off. I need to stop wasting money on frivolous things, like beer, or plane tickets, and concentrate on meeting my financial obligations. And I can't afford to waste any more time.

So we're getting serious about budgeting again. It's not going to be particularly fun. But it's gotta be done.

i'm shooting a commercial!

It's my first one!

It's for the web, so the pay sucks, but I'm excited nonetheless.

When it rains, it pours. I've had three or four acting-related things pop up this week. Amazing.

In other work news, I've officially been hired to write little blurbs for a cool website. I'm pretty excited about that. I actually thought about using "Rover" as the name, but I think I'll just use my real name. Let me know if you want to check it out.

Off to the shoot...

"i'm learning"

Went to DC the other day. The intent was work-related (which was positive; I won't talk of it further because I don't want to jinx anything), but I did manage to squeeze in dinner with the Power Broker. Would you expect any less of me?

Originally I was intending to spend the night. We spoke last week, and everything seemed cool. I sent her a text two days before giving her my itinerary.

She asked me if I needed to spend the night at her place. I thought that was strange, since we had already discussed it, but I wrote back, "Yes, please. If that's ok..."

Her response, "Sure."

The next day - less than 24 hours before my scheduled departure, she calls me and says, "Listen, I'm really sorry, this totally slipped my mind, but I think I should tell you that I'm going out of town the day after tomorrow, and Boyfriend-Not-Boyfriend is going to drive me to the airport, and he's going to stay the night. But, you're totally welcome to stay. If you want."

Needless to say, I changed my ticket.

But I digress. I'm not here to analyze that part of the story. (Although, if you would like to, go ahead.)

We met for dinner last night. And things, as usual, were pretty close to perfect. Good food, great conversation, booze, witty banter and flirtation - great.

But, this time, I was a bit better prepared. Emotionally, that is. And so, towards the end of our meal, I asked her about BNB.

ME: Why aren't you actually with him?

POWER BROKER: Do you want this week's reason? It's a long story...

ME: The short version is ok.

PB: Well, he said from the beginning that he didn't like the term "boyfriend". And even though we basically act like it, it's just not a permanent thing. And he's never seen it as a long term thing, from the beginning.

ME: OK...

PB: And I thought for a while that there might be some potential, but in the last six months or so, I've decided that, even though we're great friends, it's not going to happen. I'm not in love with him. He says it best - we're just not emotionally compatible.

ME: So...why are you still with him?

PB: Well...it's a learning experience.

(I seriously fight the temptation to roll my eyes. I think I am successful.)

PB: I'm learning and growing, and he is too. But when he leaves to do his project, he's going to need all of his focus on that. I'm sure we'll still be friends, but that will be it. And it will have been three years - since it's not going anywhere, that's obviously enough.


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

Obviously, I'm not waiting on this one.

Don't get me wrong. I like her. I'm virtually certain that she likes me. We're still going to continue to see each other every few weeks. We have both talked about re-evaluating the situation in the fall.

But it's clear that she had some pretty serious feelings for this guy, at some point - if not now. And it seems like she's making one last-ditch effort to see if anything's going to happen on that front, before she gives it up entirely. Which is fine.

I also have the sneaking suspicion that this guy might be a bit of a smooth talker, a wordsmith, a playa. At the very least, he seems to have a unique view of the world. Part of me really wants to meet him, so I can size him up, figure him out. The rational part of me wants to stay as far away as possible.

I'd love to hear everybody's thoughts on this one.

It's late, and I have a killer day t'm'row. I'll try to write more this weekend - there's a lot going on.

Chris Rock SNL Presidential Candidates

With apologies to all of the white women out there...Chris Rock is hilarious.

Watch...and learn...

i am so smart...S-M-R-T

(It's a Simpsons quote - Homer actually sings it. Hilarity.)

Bored?

Go to IQTest.com and find out how "smart" you are. Then come back here and post your results.

Don't be shy!

It really doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot. There's some chart that matches up your range with your typical job, but mine's not listed (I'm going with "hustla" nowadays). And it's just measuring academic intelligence, anyway. Which most of us aren't using.

My score? 134.

i got nuthin'

I really don't know how normal people work forty hours a week.

I really don't.

I'm not kidding.

This week I've worked:

M: 9a-5p

T 9a-5p and 6:30-10:45p

W 9a-6:45p

...and I'm spent.

And, t'm'row, I have to get up at 6:30 for a one-day gig.

On the bright side, in a couple of weeks I'll be making money hand over fist, which means that paying my rent won't be a problem.

And I did snag an audition for next week. I have to drive 200 miles to get there, but at least it's something.

And I've also secured a trip to Sleepy Hamlet next month! I'm going to spend most of my time in April on the road, so you'll get a lot of mobile blogging then.

Dinner time.

Good news!

Infinite Monkeys is back!

For those of you who aren't familiar, Infinite Monkeys is kind of a group blog, where you can write anything. It was a great place to put up random stuff, and I contributed my fair share of randoms. Unfortunately, it shut down about a year ago.

But now...it's back!

Go check it out here - or, better yet, become a part of it. We could blog together!

i'm thinking about it again...

You know how some people always seem to have ex-girlfriends or boyfriends they always go back to?

(I've actually got a couple of those.)

LA is that way for me.

I'm pretty frustrated here in NY, partly because it's pilot season and I haven't been on a single audition of consequence, partly because most of the jobs that I've missed on this year have been because I look too young.

So...if I'm not going on auditions for film and TV, and I'm between age ranges in theater...what, exactly, am I doing here?

Maybe I just need a new agent.

Maybe I need to work harder - socialize, send out more mailings, self-submit myself. (All of which I plan to start doing this month.)

But...maybe...I need to make a bigger change.

the downward spiral

I'm in a bad mood.

It started last night, and it's just gotten worse and worse.

It's one of those spirals, you know, where you start looking for things to be pissed off about?

Most of it revolves around the fact that, threee months ago, I had an audition for a job that I was confident that I was going to get. I knew the people at the theater, and I did a bunch of different things in the audition, and they loved it all. And I talked to the spouse of a well-connected person, who said, "We're hoping that you'll be joining us this summer!"

So, I thought I was going to be packing my bags come mid-May. The Rover, back on the rove.

I found out today that it's not happening.

There had been hints of this for about a month or so, and it wasn't like I was popping champagne corks or spending the money already - I was very aware of them. The people at the theater were saying all of the right things, but I could see how things were playing out, and it didn't look good for me.

(Maxine always says that there's no point in wondering why I didn't get the job, but it's in my nature to analyze all of this shit. I can't help it.)

I know that I'm especially susceptible to these moods when I haven't slept enough. Since I only slept for five hours last night, this would be Exhibit A. Of course, I'm going to be be affected by disappointing news more than normal! Of course, little nit-picky things are going to seem much bigger! I get it!

I'm trying to turn it around, though.

I'm looking for that one positive thing that will change my luck. One spark that will turn things around, change my attitude.

You got anything for me?

grateful

So this is week two of Operation: Work Your Ass Off.

(And the booty is shrinking, a little.)

And sure, I hate getting up early in the morning. But the jobs I'm doing now are tolerable, and it's always nice to pay your bills.

However...

Just before I went to bed the other night, I was reading old journal entries, as I am wont to do, and I realized how lucky I have been for the past four years. Since late 2002, I haven't had a job that hasn't revolved around acting - until now.

It's a little different, but it's really made me appreciate the good fortune I've had. It makes me look forward to my next opportunity. 'Til then, I've just got to keep pluggin' along.

I'm sleepy. Daily Show, then Colbert, then online time, then sleep. (Maybe this is why I'm tired all the time.)

"fuck you, horse!"

This is some funny shit.

If you know who Joey Porter is, skip the following explanation and go straight to the link.

If not, let me give you a bit of background.

Joey Porter is considered by Sports Illustrated to be the most feared player in the NFL. Until a couple of days ago, he played for my Pittsburgh Steelers. He's a passionate, animated player who talks a LOT of trash. Like, all the time. Here's his Wikipedia page, if you want more background.

He owns a couple of dogs.

What if one of his dogs could talk?

Note: make sure to click the link at the end of the column, as well as the link in the first comment. The pay-off is worth it...

TV melancholy

I love "Scrubs". It's one of my favorite shows on TV. Totally my kind of humor.

(Though tonight's episode pissed me off because it was a clip show. And not only was it a total copout, like most clip shows, they acknowledge throughout the show that 1. it was a clip show, and 2. clip shows suck.)

Fortunately, it's on in syndication, which means I can watch it five times a day. And sometimes, when I have the day off and nothing to do, I watch all five. 12, 12:30, 7, 7:30, and midnight.

I just watched the late one on the Fox affiliate (to wash the taste of the clip show out of my mouth), and they showed the episode entitled "My Nightingale". Probably second or third season. It's one of my favorites. Ted has his doo-wop group singing TV theme songs.

They sing the theme to "Charles In Charge".

It makes me sad.

Why is that?

working boy

I'm exhausted. Four straight days of running on six hours of sleep or less. A couple of friends were going to a play tonight and I would have liked to go, but there was NO way my eyes would have stayed open. I'm yawning my head off now, as I type this.

The other reason why I am so tired is because I have been working all week. Like, real jobs. Just this week alone I have:

- been a reader for auditions

- worked as a proofreader

- "acted" as a sick patient for med students

- helped a business pack up shop in preparation for a move

- taught a college-level acting class.


Always good to pick up some cash!

The proofreading gig is going to be a part-time job for the foreseeable future. I've also picked up another part-time gig at a musical venue doing front-of-house-type stuff. And the business wants me to work as an administrative assistant for a week while some of their people are on vacation.

The only negative to all of this is that I'll have to give up my unemployment, since these jobs are legit, which is a bummer more for the future than right now. But, it does look like I should be able to pay the rent! So that's a plus.

A bit of food, and then I'm making this one an early night...

more things about me

My friend Punchy sent me this little meme on MySpace.


(Short note: I dated Punchy about three years ago, during a break from Maxine.

I call her Punchy - in real life, to her face - because the first time that we made out, we were both hammered, and we would kiss passionately for a few minutes, and then she would gaze into my eyes, and then look away/down and laugh and start beating the fuck out of my chest. And the look on her face was hard to describe - I think she was thinking, "I don't want to like you," or something like that.

It was cute, though painful.

She, in turn, calls me Slingy, because I severely injured my shoulder and had my arm in a sling for three weeks. Let's just say that she did a great job of taking care of me. But that's another story for another time...)


I was supposed to repost it as a bulletin, but I don't do those kind of things. So I decided that the next best thing would be to put it on my blog. Feel free to answer the questions yourself. (Some of them are particular to her...)


PUNCHY'S MEME


1. Can you cook?

A bit. I'm good with the meats, and I can do a thing or three with pasta. Not really a baker. But anyone who can read can cook, right?

2. What was your dream growing up?

To be the starting QB for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

3. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I had a lovely tenor singing voice. Unfortunately, I'm a mediocre bass.

4. Favorite place?

This one changes a lot. I really miss my little cottage in Cowtown right about now...

5. Favorite vegetable?

Broccoli.

6. What was the last book you read?

Um...I'm not sure...maybe ACTING IS A JOB...

7. What zodiac sign are u ?

Virgo. It explains a lot.

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

Left ear only - once Theo Huxtable did it, I had to.

9. Worst Habit?

Biting my fingernails. I do it when I'm stressed.

10. Do we know each other outside of myspace?

This is year four...

11. What is your favorite sport?

To watch? Football. To play? Baseball.

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

Total optimist.

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

Try to make out with you, probably? (I sugarcoated this when I sent it to her - I would totally try to make out with her. I'm not sure how much luck I'd have...

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

I'm not sure. The three prom dates thing wasn't great...

15. Tell me one weird fact about you?

Besides the fact that I play dress-up for a living? Let's see...it's probably weird that I'm on speaking terms - actually friends - with almost every woman I've slept with.

16. Do have any pets?

No.

17. Do u know how to do the macerana?

Yes, but you will never see me do it...

18. What time is it where u are now?

1:58am. Way too late. (And now it's even later. And I have to get up in six hours.)

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

Stupid.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???

My jaw is a smidge crooked. I'd fix that.

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

History has shown that the answer is crime partner. (And it does - Punchy and I tore up the Hamlet during our time together - we routinely greeted the sun on my front porch, drunk. Good times.)

22. What color eyes do you have?

Brown.

23. Ever been arrested?

Nope. Which is amazing...

24. Bottle or Draft?

Draft.

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

Probably pay off my credit card debt.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?

I used to have a weakness for Big League Chew...

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?

I miss a certain bar in the Hamlet...

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

I think I do.

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Surf the internet. Anything involving pretty women.

30. Do you swear a lot?

Some.

31. Biggest pet peeve?

People who misspell and/or confuse "your" and "you're". I HATE THAT.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Laid-back. (Although my answer to the previous question probably contradicts this...)

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you ?

No...but I would love to see your answers... (Unless she meant putting this on the blog that she probably doesn't know I have...)

34. Did you ever think about joining the Army?

I did. I had a Vice Presidental recommendation to West Point, which pretty much assures you of getting in, but when it was all said and done I couldn't commit nine years of my life to fighting.


Any takers?

hooray for hollywood

Oscars were fun. I watched them with Maxine - it's her Super Bowl. She put out a little spread and everything, and had her ballot. She always makes her predictions beforehand, and then checks off the winners. I think she only missed two last night - and one of them was Best Picture. (She even called Alan Arkin!)

The best word I can think of for the ceremony is "weird". Ellen was a fine host, I guess. I'd be ok if they rotated her, Chris Rock, and Jon Stewart for the next few years. I'm probably the only one who feels that way, but whatever.

The best moment, by far, was the Will Ferrell/Jack Black/John C. Reilly song. So funny...and so true.

I'm working a lot this week, but I have two posts fully sketched out on a piece of paper that's sitting in the middle of my "desk". So you'll get my stories, I promise. Right now, it's time for me to get some zzzzz's...

clumsy me

The inevitable happened this morning:

I fell down the stairs.

My apartment has two floors, connected by an old-fashioned iron spiral staircase, which I've mentioned before. I was sleep-deprived, trying to finish up this tax stuff AND shower before running out the door to an audition, and I must have taken it just a bit too fast...because I bashed the hell out of my left elbow, and ripped up one of my fingers (right on the pad, which made typing a ton of fun this afternoon).

I'm a little disappointed, only because I thought for sure that I would be drunk the first time it happened. Or at least escorting an attractive young woman down the stairs.

Stories coming t'm'row, I promise!

tax prep = ick

Having a hard time posting lately. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

I actually have a good story or two to put up, but it will take so long to type...maybe it's time for me to break out the AudioBlogger thing that I keep threatening to use...

The big thing that's keeping me from posting is the fact that I have a tax appointment on Friday, and I have to get all of my stuff in order before then. I kept track of every penny I spent in 2006, and I'm currently transferring it from a little calendar to my computer. And it's a s---l---o---w process.

I've resolved to get the bulk of it done on Wednesday. Wish me luck.

(And, hey, if I decide to procrastinate, you may get one of those stories...)

1 (my 2nd anniversary meme)

1 question.

1 chance.

1 answer.

100% honest.

That's all you get.

You get to ask me 1 question.

(via e-mail, please - fishandgreens@gmail.com)

ANY 1 question.

Conditions: I won't tell ANYONE what you asked me and I'll answer it honestly.

The catch is...
you have to repost this...
and see what people ask you...

(unless you don't have a blog...then i just get to ask you something in return...)

just venting

I try not to complain too much about my job. I knew, when I decided to become an actor, that it was going to be very difficult. It is a roller coaster ride, and generally, I love it.

Today was not one of those days.

Today I had an audition for a play in my hometown. It was for a role that (a) I had just auditioned for the week before (and gotten called back for) and (b) I am generally right for. I'm probably five years away from being perfect, but it's definitely something that I can play, and play well. The artistic director at the theater knows me, which is probably why I was called in. They had asked me to prepare two sides - one was a scene, and one was a monologue.

I went to the audition and, after waiting half an hour, was ushered inside. The casting director was also someone who was familiar with my work, and I felt pretty comfortable. I was introduced to the director, and then was told, "We're doing the scene."

I did it, and I thought it went pretty well. I hit all the points that I needed to, showed them the several sides of the character. After finishing, I stood up and checked in with the people, expecting to now do the monologue.

Instead, I heard the director say, "Thanks so much for coming in today."

Meaning, "We're not interested. Next."

I was looking at the artistic director, who looked surprised that the director had made that decision. (I would love to have been a fly on the wall so that I could have heard THAT conversation.) I scraped up what was left of my dignity, thanked them, and left.

Now I know, logically, that I'm probably not what the director had in mind. She probably pictured someone darker, or taller, or more muscular, or (most likely) older. But when you get dismissed like that, when you're prepared and worked on it and know that it's good...well, let's just say that it's not the best feeling.

I've had a run of auditions lately (some through my agent, some on my own) which is great. And I'm doing fairly well in most of them, getting several callbacks (meaning that the casting people now believe that you can act, and are seriously considering you for the role). But I can't seem to book a job.

And, hey, you never really know why you didn't get a role. Maybe you weren't very good that day. Maybe you remind the director of an ex. Maybe you're too short for the part, or too dark, or too skinny. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. I'm pretty good about letting things go, for the most part.

I know that my break is just around the corner. I just have to be patient...

a much better idea!

An e-mail I received from a friend this morning:

Since Valentine’s Day is right smack dab in the middle of Black History Month I think we should reclaim it and call it National Love a Negro Day.

Best idea I've heard in a while!

So, officially, F&G proclaims today NLN Day! Go out and celebrate!

happy valentine's? not likely

For the record, I hate Valentine's Day. HATE. I've never had a good one, and even back in elementary school, when we had to exchange those little Peanuts-type cards, it struck me as just an exercise in angst. All those dumb questions just flooding your mind:

- She gave me a card with "love" in it - what does that mean?
- Will she like me if I give her the Peppermint Patty one?
- Why don't I have a Valentine?
- Who gave me the anonymous card? Do they really love me?

And then, when you are actually with someone:

- What do I buy her?
- Will she read too much into this gift?
- Did I buy her enough?

It just strikes me as really, really dumb. And I'm a romantic! (as you probably have judged from the PB saga)

So rather than getting all wound up, I just don't celebrate it. This can create some sticky situations when I'm dating someone, but I think that the attention I give my SO's the other 364 days of the year make up for this one.

treading water

I'm kind of struggling with how to write this post...probably because I'm not really sure exactly what I'm feeling at this point in time. Actually, it's not so much that I don't know how I feel so much as I feel so many different things:

- disappoinment
- relief
- confusion

...to name a few. And there are a lot of other thoughts in my head, too, like:

- how I feel so focused and optimistic about my career
- I need to spend less time at home and more with my friends
- astrology is very trippy, and, in some ways, surprisingly accurate
- my life right now is really great

But the biggest thing that I'm feeling right now is

peace

like I know that everything will be ok.

My parents came to Cowtown a couple of days after I first met the Power Broker. We were leaving the house on Xmas morning, and I was thinking about PB, and the absurdity of the whole situation. And so I asked my father, "Hey, when you met Mom, did you know that you were going to marry her?"

Without hesitating, he answered, "Yes."

This from a man who rarely talks about feelings - the definition of stoicism, perhaps.

I'm not saying that I'm going to marry PB, per se. But I do feel like that this is all going to work out for the best, and to my satisfaction. That's a very un-Rover-like thought (although I am a positive thinker). And this will require some very un-Rover-like behavior (like patience). But I don't think it's going to be a problem.

----------------------------

So that I'm not being totally cryptic, here's what happened:

While on the bus, I got an e-mail from Amina (who helped set up this whole deal in Cowtown) telling me that PB said that she needed to talk to me about "the boyfriend". I was devastated for about 30 seconds, but then I thought, "You know what? You like this woman. You have no idea what she's going to say. You knew this was a possibility, and you don't have any expectations. Just go down there and have a great time and see what happens."

And I did have a great time. We hung out at her house - I met her roommates, who are great - and then we all went out. Lots of drinking and dancing. After some late-nite fuel (empanadas) we headed back to the house. It's about 3:15 in the morning at this point.

We talked 'til 6.

We talked about a wide variety of subjects, and one of the things that came up was "the boyfriend". It's a very unusual arrangement. They've been together for a couple of years, but she doesn't call him her boyfriend (hence the quotes), acknowledges that they're not meant for each other, and knows that they're going to split in a few months, when he leaves for grad school. They have a kind of handshake agreement about all of this.

(I know, right? You should have seen my face.)

So, while she is interested in me, she's trying to hold off on having anything physical happen between us, but she really likes spending time with me, and feels that there's a connection, and wants to continue seeing me when time allows. She's planning on coming to NYC in April.

At that point, I put my cards on the table, and told her that I was interested, but didn't want to be the "other guy" ('cause I've done it too many times before, which is another story). I was more eloquent than that, but not as effusive as I was in my previous post. She seemed really impressed that I was so honest and open about everything. So we agreed that we would keep talking, and see where things went.

Then we had a lovely day yesterday, although we were both exhausted because we only got a few hours of sleep.

I'm very curious to see what the masses think about this one. Fire away...

Post 300! (and a present)

300 in just a shade over 2 years. That's, like, a post every three days. I am AWESOME!

And, to celebrate, guess where I am going?

That's right...back to DC.

Headed down there t'm'row to "wine and dine" the power broker - I'm actually thinking eating, then drinking, and then dancing. And then I'll probably sleep on her couch. 'Cause I'm a gentleman like that.

You'll get the update on Sunday or Monday. Good weekend to all!

it's frickin' freezin'

I've been living in more temperate climates the last four winters, so it's been a rude introduction to Old Man Winter this year.

Man, is he a cranky bastard or what?

I left my house this morning and it was nine degrees.

9.

And, to make things even awesomer, the heat in my room isn't working. The little thermometer below the tempermental thermostat is all the way to the left - and the last number there is 50.

50!

I guess I'll be spending my evening up here, in the living room.

2 years!

...and counting.

Yes, this is the second anniversary of F&G. Thanks to all of you who read, and comment, and chide, and support. It means a lot.

I'm in the midst of a busy weekend (funeral, family, birthday parties, Super Bowl - which I think will be Bears 24, Colts 21) but my 2nd Annual Anniversary Meme will follow in the next day or two. Keep your eyes peeled...

a tale of two women

Received a call from DC this evening, which surprised me. I left her a message on Sunday, and hadn't heard anything, so my paranoid actor-self took over and wrote her off like a role I wasn't getting.

And then she called.

I tried acting nonchalant as I flipped open my phone, trying to fool...myself, I guess.

It was a good chat. I told her that I wanted to see her again soon and she said, "When were you thinking of doing that? I was thinking of coming up to New York..." She travels a lot for work, but hopefully we're going to make it work - maybe as soon as next weekend.

So that was pretty exciting.

But...

...the far more compelling development took place later this evening, when I hung out with the X. (Who really needs a name at this point: let's call her Maxine, after a song on the new John Legend album that we both love. You need to buy this album immediately. Anyway, I reserve the right to change the name.)

I've had a lot of issues with Maxine over the years, and they seem to have to do with her uptight (for lack of a better word) nature. I've often felt that, if she could just relax and let go, I'd marry her t'm'row.

Well...

She had an experience over the past couple of weeks...and she's like a totally different person. She's extremely positive, and she is smiling and laughing all of the time, and she seems to really have taken control of her life. She's chasing her goals, and she has a real sense of purpose.

She even looks different. She's a very beautiful woman, but this change in attitude has even affected her looks. Maybe it's all the smiling. Even in the darkest of times, I've always been insanely attracted to her, but now...um...WOW! Tonight she was wearing a "wife beater" and jeans, and it took a lot of willpower for me to avoid snatching her up and...you know.

(I won't get into the whole history, but traditionally we've always struggled to NOT have a physical relationship. We say, "Oh, we'll be friends. No extra stuff." And then, five days later, we're in bed together. But, since I've come back, we haven't done anything. Occasionally we'll look at each other and have a mini-moment, but no making out, or attempted moves.)

As happy as I am that she's happy, our sordid past makes me skeptical. I hope that this is a permanent change. But there's no use getting my hopes up, only to have them crushed again. I will say that I will be following this development very closely...it could make life very interesting...

perspective

Just when you're up to your neck in your whiny little complaints (see post below), real life happens, and reminds you that there are more important things.

I got a dreaded early-morning phone call from my grandmother informing me that my great-uncle passed late last night/early this morning. I won't go into the dynamics of my family, but all you need to know is that my extended family is HUGE (like, around a hundred) and my great-uncle was someone with whom my brother and I actually had a relationship. His wife is one of my favorite people.

Not feeling so sad right now as much as profoundly disappointed.

There will be more to tell about this later.

working boy?

I know that this post probably isn't going to engender any sympathy...in fact, it's probably going to make you hate me a little bit. But it's my blog, and I need to get it off my chest, so here goes.

After a careful review of my finances, I have decided that it may be in my best interests to temp full-time. Meaning that it is very possible that, unless something drastic changes in the next week or so, I'm going to have to work a 9 to 5.

I'm not very good at doing that. I really hate temping, actually. I wish that I could be happy working in an office 40 hours a week - it would make some things in my life a lot easier. So...I'm not sure about this.

What makes me even more frustrated is that I was thisclose to landing a couple of shows in the past few weeks that would have paid me fairly well for at least eight weeks. One was a high profile project (in which, during the callback, I gave the audition of my life, and when I walked out of that room I was certain that they were going to choose me...unfortunately, I think I was the first person they saw that day...).

I'm hoping that this temping thing would only last me a couple of months. I think that bartending would suit me and my lifestyle fairly well, and hopefully I can make some steps to get a job doing that. I'll keep you posted...

DC update

Small - nothing major to report.

I oscillated all day about what I was going to do - call and gush, play it cool, do something in between... I'm not usually this indecisive - I think that the rush of auditions and the lack of sleep were affecting my judgement.

Then, at five, she sent me a text message.

We said we had a good time, etc. I told her that I would call this weekend, and she responded positively. So now I have a few days to think over my next move.

Off to prep for the last huge audition of the week, and then (blessedly) bed.

my trip

I had some coffee to fuel me through the drive home, since I only got 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night and I was yawning around 7. So I made the drive ok...but now I'm not sleepy at all. Nice job, Mr. Genius. Hence, my random thoughts about my day trip today.

- Enterprise gave me a Chevy Cobalt. It was ok...but, if you're going to go through the trouble of renting a car, they should at least provide you with power locks and windows. Is that too much to ask?

- Lots of cops on the road, especially in NJ. Of course, it is close to the end of the month...

- Cruise control is for pussies.

- Every time I go to DC, I think that it's a place that I would love to live eventually. It just seems really cool.

- I hate actors.

- My audition went well, but I have no idea if anything's going to come of it.

- I love the DC Metro. LoveloveloveloveLOVE it. The arched ceilings, the signs telling you when the next train is coming, the simple, easy-to-read maps, the clean carpeted cars - it's a joy to ride on. Nothing beats the NY system for replacing a car, but DC's got a lot of things right. Can they call the MTA? Just to give them a few pointers?

OK, OK, I know you want to hear about the main event. The date.

Well...

I still want this woman to be Mrs. Rover. She's gorgeous - she has one dimple, which kills me. We had a great time. We spent over two hours in the restaurant, and the food was great, and we talked about our families and politics and astrology and music and our jobs, and there was a lot of the "when you meet so-and-so they'll be a lot nicer than that" and "let me know if so-and-so plays in your town 'cause I'll totally come". I picked up the check at the end (naturally) and told her that it was her birthday present, and she said that she would have to reciprocate.

But, when she dropped me off at the train station, she just kind of stopped the car in the middle of the road, and the good-bye was kind of hurried and awkward. There was an attempt at a hug, but you know how seat belts fuck that kind of thing up, and I told her that I'd talk to her soon.

And then she was gone.

She did have guests at her house that she needed to take care of. Or...maybe she just wants to be friends with me. I don't know.

(Not sure if I mentioned this or not before, but apparently there was, at one point, a boyfriend in the picture. But I was assured that he was "not marriage material". And, apparently, I am. Or was.)

As I was waiting on the platform, I really wanted to call her and say the following:

Hey, listen, I just really needed to call and tell you this. I don't know what your situation is right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I think you're amazing. You are smart and funny and articulate and beautiful...you actually take my breath away. And I know that I'm in New York and that you're in DC, and I don't know how to go about this at all, but I really hope that we can try to start to develop something here. Because I like you. A lot.

(Is that cheesy? That's actually pretty close to what I was planning to say - I didn't have the ending worked out, but it definitely included the four adjectives and the breath thing...because I literally couldn't breathe the first time I saw her.)

Anyway, I called one of my friends and she told me that I shouldn't call her, because (a) if she thought the evening was good, she was probably kicking herself for ruining the final moment, and no comment from me would change that; and (b) if she didn't have a good time, or wasn't feeling it, she might think I was a bit psycho. Another friend said that I need to call her and thank her for a good time, and tell her I want to see her again soon, and perhaps the conversation on what the deal is will naturally occur from there.

So...that was my day. Thoughts/comments/questions are welcome.

Up early t'm'row to return the Cobalt (which wasn't even cobalt-colored - dumb!) and then prepare for two huge auditions, which (of course) are Wednesday and Thursday. No rest for the weary.

"we're off to see the wizard!"

Lots of auditions and such these days, so no time to write. I'm headed down to "our nation's cap-i-tal" (that's how Forrest says it) t'm'row for a big one.

And...to see a girl.

I'm trying to keep my expectations low.

(trying)

(trying harder)

(even harder)

I give up. I like her. I hope she likes me.

I'll update you guys later in the week.

sick day

I'm sick.

I'm hoping that it's just a cold, but it's developed from a nasal drip (Friday) to sinus pressure/congestion + runny nose (Saturday) to congestion + cough (today). I'm really hoping that it doesn't develop into any kind of sinus infection.

(And, of course, I get sick two weeks after my health insurance decides to take a three month break. Perfect.)

Generally, I'm a pretty big baby while I'm sick. And I did do a great deal of laying around yesterday.

But I also managed to be super-productive! I got all of the following done:

- rearranged my room
- unpacked two giant boxes of stuff (mailed from Cowtown)
- put clothes in my new canvas wardrobe
- partially set up my bookshelf
- downloaded the first four episodes of 24 (thanks to my iTunes credit)
- built a second giant wardrobe that was supposed to be broken (I have no closets in my space, hence the need for two)

So now I'm feeling more "moved-in". And I'm feeling a bit less under the weather, too. Not well enough for my liking, but still...

Off to my brother's to watch football.

The new N train...

...is the shit.

I'm dragging home a giant wardrobe from The Container Store in about 50 pieces, which I probably paid too much for, and I'm waiting for my train to take me back home, and I see the light shining and then, lo and behold, I see it.

The new N.

Bursting into the light like a beacon of freedom.

Shimmering.

Gleaming.

For me.

(My friend once wrote an e-mail to me about seeing the new 2 train glide into the station at 96th street on a hot summer day, and the words he used were powerful and hilarious at the same time. And I totally thought he was exaggerating...until today. It's really a great moment when a new subway car arrives when you least expect it.)

pick me a lady

A funny list that I found, entitled "Who Should Justin Timberlake Date Next?" Perhaps we should swap out the words "Justin Timberlake" and insert "The Rover", huh?

Check out the list here and let me know who is right for Justin...and for me. (I think it's a toss-up between Ro and Scarlett.)

would it be weird...

...if I bought a used bed on Craigslist? Or icky? Or...would it just be a brilliant, money-savvy move? Discuss.