failure

That's me, because I didn't get a blog post up yesterday. In my defense, I spent seven hours in a car, then had to unpack, then ate dinner with my folks and roommate, and then went to a party at Maxine's house (more on that in a bit). And I was running on five hours sleep.

So I still want to do this "30 in 30 for my 30" - let's consider this my first official post. To make up for yesterday, I'll either (a) blog twice in one day, or (b) make an entry on October 1. Deal? Sweet.

Now - thoughts from last night's party:

- I'm fascinated by girls who make out with other girls. That could be a whole post in itself. And I don't mean in a juvenile, gross, "Oooh, they're making out!" kind of way (although I'm sure some of that exists), but in a more intellectual-type way. Know what I mean?

- Ever start dancing with someone, and you guys are being respectful, "leaving room for Jesus" and all that, and then you get closer, and then start grinding a bit - and then all of a sudden it's more than grinding? Not that you're kissing or anything, but if you were by yourselves, and you were naked, you'd totally be having sex? It's always quite an astonishing moment when it happens. Then, just as quickly, the moment's gone, or the song ends, and it's back to normal.

I had one of those last night.

- The highlight (actually, the lowlight) of the evening was seeing Maxine disappear into her bedroom at 4:30am with another guy. We've been officially broken up for almost two years, and realistically apart for almost a full year, and we talk with each other all of the time about who we're dating and how we feel about them and what's happening, etc., etc. But this is the first time I've actually seen her with someone else.

It wasn't fun.

I didn't sleep all that great. Of course, I slept on a couch, and I slept for less than four hours, so that might have something to do with it. Or...maybe not.

Off to have breakfast with my fam.

bagel bloggin'

Blogging from a bagel shop in my hometown. My dad is getting some dental work done (which apparently is going to take a couple of hours), so I'm just hanging out, killing time. I should be learning lines for my next project, but I think I'm going to have plenty of time for that.

Besides, I haven't blogged in a week!

I'm actually thinking heavily about committing to a month straight of blogging. See, there are thirty days in September, and I'll be turning thirty in September (gasp!), so it kind of makes sense. As long as I can get some blogging time t'm'row, we may give this thing a go.

Headed back home to NY t'm'row - finally! It's just for a couple of weeks, but I'm very excited. There's lots to tell, but I think I'll save some of it for later.

Good Labor Day weekend to all.

airport delay

Shockingly, there's fog in San Francisco, so my flight to SFO has been delayed an hour. And, since I inexplicably got to the airport 2 hours before I was supposed to leave, I've had a nice wait. I've been here for 2 hours, and I've got at least another 20 minutes. Ick.

My vacation has been...um...eventful. I'm really ready to go home and get a REAL vacation. Of course, I've got to learn a bunch of lines for my next show (which starts in less than 3 weeks), but for the most part I'll be able to sit around and do nothing.

And hopefully I can blog a bit more, too. I spent way too much time with Snapple when I was in Rockport, and I don't feel really comfortable about blogging around people I write about. I'm sure that, once I'm living in a hotel again, I'll be back on here regularly.

See you on the other side.

i need a vacation from my vacation

I'm leaving Sleepy Hamlet today, and it's happening right on time. I woke up this morning and my brain felt like mushy scrambled eggs. That was probably brought on by the fact that (a) I had WAY too many drinks last night, and (b) I only got 5 1/2 hours sleep.

I definitely need to quit drinking for a while.

So, of course, I next head to LA, where perhaps my greatest drinking buddy lives. This should be interesting.

Hamlet, not sleepy

Back in my old stomping grounds, where this blog began. I love coming back to visit Sleepy Hamlet. I'm here for five days, and it's just not enough time to see anybody. I'm staying with Grace, a girl I used to date, and I've barely seen her at all. I'm trying as much as possible to have coffee and such with people, but it's tough. And then you throw in seeing shows...damn.

Just a note to say I'm alive. I'm going to my parents' house next week, so you'll get more posts from me, including the update on the Snapple situation...

marriage is sacred, right?

If you've ever been around people in the entertainment industry, you know that the idea of "fidelity" is kind of fluid.

It really shouldn't be surprising. You develop these emotional attachments as characters, which sometimes spill over into real life. (I can't tell you how many crushes I've had on women who have played opposite me.) And, you know, you're on the road, far away from home, and you're kind of lonely, and you spend all of this time with the same eight people, and you all go to the bar together after work. And one of them is kind of cute, and you talk about some racy topics, and then everyone else is gone except for the two of you, and before you know it, you're making out in the hallway of your hotel.

I've been on the road for a couple of years now, and the one thing I've learned is that when people are involved in a show or movie, romantic connections tend to happen. And they tend to happen regardless of whether or not a person is attached. Or engaged. Or married.

(I've actually been fairly good in this regard - only twice have I ever done anything which could be regarded as questionable. And one of those was with a girl who swore to me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend...which she then didn't do. So I think I get a pass on that one.)

One of our favorite activities here in Rockport is to guess which actors are sleeping together. There's a crew of about six or seven actors who tend to frolic with each other - late night naked swimming, joint showers - all sorts of stuff. And Snapple and I and Snapple's roommate, who is a friend of mine from years past here (let's call her Wonder Woman), tend to get together, and laugh about it, and say tsk, tsk, how ridiculous.

So you think we'd be in the clear, right?

After yet another state-of-the-relationship chat with Snapple this morning, she went home and I showered. When I checked my phone I saw that she had called. I figured that she was going to apologize, or ask some type of questions, so I called her back. But instead of sounding upset or concerned, she was very excited.

SNAPPLE: Guess what?

ME: What?

SNAPPLE: I found an open box of condoms in the living room!

ME: WHAT?

SNAPPLE: Yeah! And I found the receipt for it, too! It was dated August 4th!

This means that what Snapple and I suspected, but couldn't bring ourselves to believe, was true - Wonder Woman was messing around with one of our castmates, a talented and highly respected local actor.

Who is engaged.

It's really hard for me to be disappointed in these circles. But today, I am.

UPDATE: It appears as though nothing happened. Apparently the box of condoms were not opened, and they were bought the day before. This is significant, as Wonder Woman had a guy coming into town the next day. So...now we think nothing happened.

UPDATE II: Snapple and I actually caught the dude coming out of Wonder Woman's room at 8 in the morning on our last day in Rockport. So...I was right.

no change

Still no internet. Still having to go to the library every day to check my e-mail, surf the web, conduct business. Still pissed off.

But...what are ya gonna do?

Under the two week mark left in Rockport. I realize more and more how much I like this place. I'm hopeful that I will get a chance to come back next year...sort of. As much as I love the town and the people, the theater barely pays me enough. Thank God I'm in the union.

More soon. I think I'm going to have to start writing blog entries in my notebook and then postdating them...

finally finished it!

I finally finished Harry Potter. It was excellent. It only took me two days to read it - I'm an exceptionally fast reader, averaging about 100 words an hour when I really get going - but I had to wait a week to get it from Amazon.co.uk. What can I say? I'm such a snob, I have to read the British version, you know, in its mother tongue...

Anyway, now I finally feel like I can surf the internet at will again, without worrying whether or not I will run into some spoiler. Good times.

Perhaps you'll see more of me now...if they get the internet up and running again at our complex...

alone time

I'm writing this entry in the local public library. The internet access at my home is all fucked up, but this also provides me an excellent excuse to get away.

I'm in desperate need of some "me" time.

I like Snapple. She's a cool girl. But she doesn't really show an inclination to do anything other than hang out with me. Sure, she wants to go to the local water park, or read by the water, or get some lunch. But she doesn't really need to do anything, you know, by herself.

And that drives me crazy.

Even when I was the most in love (with Maxine), I still needed a good hour or so completely to myself. I usually do a variety of things during that hour - read, check e-mail, look up sports articles/scores, fantasy football, play video games, etc. The what is not so important.

And if I don't get that time?

I start to go stir-crazy.

Yesterday I spent most of the day in the car - someone in my cast organized a nature trip, and I was with people all day. Then, when I got home, my stomach decided to wage a full-scale war against the rest of my body. Snapple went to the store to get me medicine, but brought home the wrong kind. So we just watched TV for a while before going to sleep.

She had to get up early to go talk to some class or something, so I figured that I'd have a while this morning to myself. But I woke up just after dawn and couldn't get back to sleep. (And that totally pisses me off.) So I ended up having a couple of hours...but it still wasn't enough.

So now I'm at the library. And I think that Snapple's upset. I'll have to fix that when I go home. Hopefully I'm in a better space to do so.

But, for right now, I'm going to browse the internet. And enjoy my solitude.

what to do, what to do

I've been a bad blogger lately. I've been avoiding visiting anyone's blog, because my Harry Potter book doesn't arrive from London until Friday, and I'm scared to death that someone is going to spoil the whole book for me. (Don't even think of being that person - I will literally hunt you down.)

And, of course, I really haven't been a regular poster during my time in Rockport. That has a lot to do with the amount of time I spent rehearsing/learning lines/drinking, but it's also had a lot to do with the time I've been spending with Snapple.

But now I find myself in a dilemma.

I think she's a really great girl, I do. But, once I'm done here, I'm going on vacation for two weeks. Then I'm going to be back in NYC for two weeks, and then back out here for the next gig. Which means a lot of long distance.

I have no problems doing long distance (I've done it a few times before, and I would have done it for the Power Broker), but, if I'm going to do it, I have to be 100% into the person. I don't want to be one of those actors who goes from port to port, cheating on his girlfriend/fiancee/wife. (I'd rather be the actor who just makes out with someone in each port, then leaves with no hard feelings, dignity intact for all involved.)

AndI just don't think I'm there. I'm at 75-80%. Maybe. I'm pretty sure that, given the opportunity on my travels, I'd make out with someone.

Doesn't bode well for this relationship, does it?

It's frustrating, because I think she's right for me in a lot of ways. Sure, she does some things that get on my nerves, but overall I think she's really great. But...I'm just not ready. Chalk it up to bad timing, I guess.

There are 3 1/2 weeks left here, so things may change. And that would be great. But I'm not holding my breath.

score!

I got another job!

A couple of weeks ago, I auditioned for a job at a theater in the suburbs of Rockport. Great role - sort of the modern version of what I'm playing now, sorta...

Anyway, they made me sweat for a couple of weeks, but word came today that I got it. Very exciting.

This now means that I'm going to have a whirlwind couple of weeks once I finish things out here, but it will be worth it. AND - I can pay my bills for a few more months!

Just wanted to put this up here. I've got a couple of stories to tell, but I'll save them for later in the week...

finally...

...rehearsal is over. Shows are up.

I can go back to my schedule of working 15 hours a week.

I love my life.

Now, if it weren't so darn hot here...

fallout

Things with Snapple and I are pretty cool, I suppose. I mean, have my doubts been magically erased? No. But she seems to be ok with things (although I don't think she's as secure as she was before, which is totally understandable), so we're going forward.

I'm beginning to realize, more and more, that I'm probably not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. I need copious amounts of alone time, and I have scores of female friends, and I talk to most of my exes, and I travel all the time, and my job often requires me to make out with beautiful women in front of bunches of people. And then there are the groupies. (I'm only half-kidding about that one - someone remind me to do a post about that!)

Anyway, it's not the ideal situation, and even though Snapple is in the business, she sees all of that. She's remarkably understanding, but still...

Off to rehearse. Only a couple more of those left, and then I can enjoy my summer...

oh, Snapple...

A short post, but I had to comment...

Things with Snapple are going pretty well. She's really kind, and considerate, and I have no problems hanging out with her for hours. Etc., etc.

However...

I've been a "single" guy for so long that it's kind of hard to get out of this mindset. And I'm in a city with a LOT of beautiful women, and I work with several beautiful women, and I'm playing high-profile roles, and I get a little attention...and I like it.

So, the question is not, "Is Snapple the right girl for me?" but rather, "Do I want to be in a committed monogamous relationship?"

Last night, unfortunately, I did one of the dumber things I've ever done - I told Snapple about my doubts. Now she's convinced that she's done something wrong, and that I don't really like her. It was a circular conversation, and not a whole lot of fun.

So...what now?

Off to rehearsal...more later.

time off

My roommate has flown the coop for Vegas for a few days. I can't tell you how happy I am.

Her departure has also coincided with a two-and-a-half day vacation for me, which, in this business, is like having a week off. It's just what I needed - especially because all hell breaks loose with my schedule starting this weekend for about ten days or so.

It's been really great - I went off and saw some nature on Monday, saw TRANSFORMERS yesterday (which was awesome!), fired up the PlayStation for the first time in a while, and rented a couple of movies (I'm still knocking off the Oscar-nominated flicks - watched 2 in the last two days).

And I've hung out a lot with Snapple. I'd call it a relationship, I guess, but we're still using the term "dating", and not "boyfriend/girlfriend". Which is a good thing, because I keep having these mini-freak-outs, or "relationship allergy attacks", if you will. You know, everything will be fine, and then I'll suddenly have the urge to make out with every girl in the bar. Not because I really want to, mind you, but to prove that I can. It's just difficult for me to turn that "single" mindset off.

OK, off to the local Blockbuster to return said movies, and then to the gym (which I have definitely been cheating on lately)...

oh the places i've been

L. Britt and tuckergurl did this a while ago, and I put it away for a rainy day. Voila!



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

I counted the states that I've driven across, as well as places I've spent the night. Places where I've had airport layovers (Arizona, Minnesota and Texas) but didn't leave the airport don't count.

So, if you're desperately trying to figure out where Sleepy Hamlet, or Rockport, or Cowtown, or Steak City is, here's a bit of a hint. Good luck! ;-)

update

(If you haven't already, read the post below to get up to speed.)

Here's the text-message exchange we had last night, over the course of several hours, and after I tried calling her a couple of times:

LIL' BIT: I'm not coming. I'm going to cancel my ticket.

ME: I think that's a good idea.

LIL' BIT: I'm also not speaking to you indefinitely.

ME: Because...

LIL' BIT: I hate you so much.

ME: All righty then...

(I was really loathe to make any response - I mean, what am I supposed to do if she hates me? Beg forgiveness for something I'm not sorry for? But I felt like I had to say SOMETHING...)

LIL' BIT: I'm so glad you want to know why.

(And she was SO obviously bating me with this response. But I hate not knowing things, so I pressed on...)

ME: Well, I would...

(no response)

ME: ...but I'm not going to beg you for one. I'm in the middle of a really demanding show. So if you want to lay it out in an e-mail or voice mail, please do. If not, then I guess that's how we'll have to leave it...though that's not my choice...

LIL' BIT: Because I love you and I can't get over you. And I want to so much because you can move on.

ME: I understand and respect that. You have to do what's best for you.

LIL' BIT: Well I guess that's it then. I'm glad one of us is happy. Do I need to leave town when you're here?

ME: Of course not. [Your town] is big enough for both of us for a few days.

LIL' BIT: Is it? I don't know.

ME: Well, I'll give you your space. And you know how to get a hold of me...

LIL' BIT: Don't worry. You won't hear from me anymore.


Wow.

In re-reading all of this, I wonder if I was a little too harsh. But, honestly, I'm not in love with her, never told her I was in love with her (or even said "I love you"), and was pretty honest and open about how I felt about things at all times. So, even though I feel like a bit of a heel, I'm glad that the message has finally gotten through.

crazy

After an epic night last night, I woke up with a text message on my phone. It was from Lil' Bit (aka GISS) and it said, "Call me if you're up."

So, of course, I didn't. I broke things off with her for good a couple of weeks ago, so I've kind of been trying to keep my distance. (That's a whole 'nother set of posts.) I was supposed to go to breakfast with the girl (who, for now, we'll call Snapple), so I figured that I'd call her afterwards.

But when I checked my e-mail, I had three messages from Lil' Bit.

1st message: Hey. If I can figure out a plane ticket would it be cool for me to come visit ... and stay for a couple days? Let me know.

2nd message (half an hour after the first): was just browsing and I can fly for free on airline miles...let me know if it’s cool to come see you.

3rd message (eight minutes after the second): I took a chance and booked it. I have 3 days to cancel or change without penalty. Livin on the edge.

Um...what?

I told Snapple at breakfast, who was not very happy. I told her that I'd call Lil' Bit after we ate and try to dissuade her from coming. I was really hoping that, after talking to me, and hearing the reluctance in my voice, and hearing that I'm dating someone semi-seriously, that she would just decide not to come.

When I got her on the phone, she was all cheery - "I'm coming to see you!" - and when I asked her what made her decide to do this, she said, "It was a whim. Just a whim!" And that it just made sense, since she could buy the ticket for 5 dollars. She'd be staying for four days.

Not a good sign.

I asked her what she was planning to do on the visit (because I had been pretty clear with her, when I broke things off, that (a) I'm seeing someone else and (b) I don't want any more romantic stuff to happen) and she said that she was "open to anything", but that she really needed to get out of town and from her jobs and random stresses. So then I reminded here that I was seeing Snapple, to which she said, "Yeah, it'll be good for me to see that, 'cause it will be like closure."

You should have seen my face.

So I then asked how she was doing, and she basically said that she's pretty adrift, and doesn't know what she's doing with her life, and feels really lonely at home and keeps running after things that she shouldn't be chasing. (To which I wanted to say, "Why the fuck are you coming out here?" But, alas, I am too nice.)

Then she asked how I was, and I told her that I was working my ass off, but really happy, having a good time with the new girl, etc. I was really playing up the fact that Snapple is from NY, and that this wasn't a fling for me. After that, she got off the phone pretty fast, but still played the whole I'm-so-excited card.

I admit, I was pretty shocked.

I wanted to call her back and just flat out tell her not to come (which was my first instinct). I decided to call one of my best friends. While waiting for her to call me back (she was having some big talk with Maxine, actually - irony of ironies) Lil' Bit sent me a text message saying, "I feel weird. I don't know if I should come."

I responded, "I feel weird about it, too. When do you have to decide?"

"I have three days to make a change."

So I wrote back, "I'll talk to you about it tomorrow," but then I sent a text after that said, "Give me a call when you get a chance," because I don't want this to drag out another day - I'm going to tell her straight up not to come.

And when I talked to my friend, she agreed, and basically said that she was crazy. I think that I had been in shock up until that point - I mean, I really couldn't believe what was happening. But during my conversation with my friend, I started to get angry - who buys a plane ticket and then tells you that they're coming? She had the time to send me three e-mails and a text message - she couldn't pick up the phone and fucking CALL me to ask if it was ok? Or wait a few hours? What the fuck?

Anyway, I probably should just have followed my original instinct (although that would have involved yelling, which I don't like to do - I mean, I have a show tonight and I should save my voice), but like an idiot I decided to try and be nice and check out the situation to see how she was feeling...well, I KNOW how she's feeling.

Crazy.

Anyway, when she calls me (or when I call her), I'm going to tell her that I don't think it's a good idea, and I don't want her to come. Period.

(sigh)

Reaction?

(I'll let you know what happens, don't worry...)

not much to report

A cool grey day here in Rockport. I need to learn lines and do laundry, but I don't wanna. I wanna play Playstation 'til my eyes bug out. Is there anything wrong with that?

I've been really bad about writing lately - both here and in my journal - and I always think of the old axiom that when the most things are going on in your life, you have the least amount of time to record them. So true.

I am having a great summer. Work is good, the crazy factor is positive (meaning I'll have some nice stories for you later in the summer), and things with the girl continue to go well. One of my NYC friends came out last week and met her, and she approves, which is always a relief. And the roommate is out of the house for a few hours, which is AWESOME. Just me and Clementine, surfin' the web and procrastinating.

Hopefully I'll have more interesting things to tell you next week - right now I'm just checkin' in, floating on a cloud of lazy...

no, i didn't kill her

My friend called me earlier today and chided me for not updating the roommate situation. I think she was secretly wondering if I had killed her.

It's better. Apparently (by her own admission), she was PMSing last week, which makes her "crazy". Mind you, I haven't seen any huge strides in cleanliness the last few days, but we'll give her the benefit of the doubt, I guess. She did have a huge blowup before a rehearsal last week, but I wasn't there, so I can't really give too many details.

Anyway, I'm up to my neck in learning lines, so I may be pretty scarce for the next week or so. But I'll be back, with a vengeance, very shortly...