"Where do you find a woman fit for a king?"

"Queens!"

Not that I'm looking for that right now, mind you.

I've settled in yet another borough - so far, so good. One of the X's roommates also has a lease on a place out here, and no one's in the place (long story), so I'm helping him out for a month by subletting, and he in turn is saving my ass by giving me a place to live.

The place is cool. I have my own room, which is a nice change from the living room I was sleeping in, and the two guys who are here are very friendly. It's been a long time since I've lived with guys. That sounds like a weird statement, but it's true - it's been something like 3 1/2 years. Nice to have roommates who are just as crazy about sports as I am.

Went to the old Brooklyn apartment yesterday evening to collect the last of my things. Looking around that place, I realized that it was best that I go. The place is filthy, that kind of years-old grime that is almost impossible to scrub away; the cabinets are falling apart; the roof is leaking; the building is in need of a facelift.

And, most importantly, I was never comfortable there. Sure, I loved the neighborhood, and my friends were nearby, but the place itself never won me over. (Part of that might have been influenced by the crazy cats I was living with.) At least here I feel at ease, relaxed. Home. And part of me is excited to come back here in January and find a place of my own, either by myself or with a roommate. If I actually end up back here next year, that is.

My iPod looks like it's ready, so I'm going to try and load my music onto this computer. Wish me luck...

happy action fun time

Oh, folks, it's on. It's SO on!

Why is it on?

Because, my friends...I have my new computer.

It's pretty.

A gleaming new MacBook. Fully souped-up. Picked up Microsoft Office and a new iPod while I was at it, thank you very much.

So...do you know what this means?

It means...that you finally will be able to see pictures from my kick-ass vacation.

Pictures like this. -->

Prize to the person who can tell me what city this is in. Bonus if you can tell me where.

One more thing that must be done - I must name the new computer.

She's the new love of my life (in part because of how much coin I dropped on it...I mean, her; in part because there's no other prospects on the horizon), and she needs a new name. It was tough for me to pick the gleaming white model over the gleaming black model (insert Bright-Eyes' joke of choice here), so it needs an ethnic-sounding name. I'm feeling Egypt right now, so I'm thinking Isis. Check out a pic of the MacBooks and give me your suggestions, please...

Living situation post coming t'm'row...I just had to tell y'all about this one first...

frustrated

Not much to say right now that's fit to print. I've got one place to look at t'm'row; if it doesn't work out, I'm screwed. I can't even describe what this whole episode has done to my mental state. I'm totally frazzled, dudes.

I'll post something this weekend. I'm going home, to Pittsburgh, to see my parents. So I'm sure I'll feel better then. Mom's cooking always does that.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Univision is the shit. (Hence the Spanish spelling above.)

Like many Americans, I get into soccer once every four years. And I just find the World Cup fascinating. I think my favorite part is how into it the fans get - the chants, the songs, the cheers. Their excitement gets me excited.

The crappy apartment I'm getting kicked out of has pirated cable. The super basically rigged up the channels he wanted to get. So we've got Cinemax and The Movie Channel (for his softcore porn needs, I suppose) but no ESPN or Comedy Central, two channels essential to my health and well-being. The World Cup is being shown, for the most part, on ESPN2. So I thought I was out of luck. Which brings me to Univision.

Univision is one of two Spanish-language channels available in the US (Telemundo is the other), and they've got rights to World Cup games. So I spend my afternoons watching soccer announced in a language I can't understand. You can kind of get the gist of it by listening to the tone of voice of the announcers, so that helps (and here I must admit that I have a fantasy that after several days of immersion that I will be able to speak perfect Spanish), and you certainly know when a goal has been scored, because all of the announcers have these spectacular calls that last around a minute. You've really got to check it out. Trust me, you'll love it.

apartment update

Thanks to all for the concern/couch offers. I know that my roommate and I do have a legal leg to stand on, but we've decided to vacate for several other reasons not really related to the landlord. I'm not going to go into all of them, but one big one for her is that she can go home for the summer, live rent-free, and make a ton of cash.

Looked at my first sublet last night - I had totally forgotten about the Holy Triangle of aparment searches - price, location, apartment quality. This place was really nice, and really big, but the neighborhood was shitty and the price was out of wack with the first two. So the search goes on. I do have a place to look at on Saturday that sounds pretty cool; I'll keep you posted.

just when you're starting to get comfortable...

...the unexpected happens.

Due to an exceptional degree of negligence and ineptitude, the landlord of my building is kicking us out. I found out about this in the wee hours of Friday morning, coming home after a fun evening with a delightful buzz. Needless to say, I was not that happy. We were originally going to be bounced out immediately, but my roommate was able to get the landlord to let us stay for the remainder of the month.

So, I'm going to be moving again. It's probably for the best - this building is for sale, and it's definitely in need of renovations - seems like every time I looked up there was something else breaking, or leaking, or running. But I'm really disappointed because I thought I had a home, you know? I had all these fix-em-up plans...poof! Gone.

Anyone know of a good July sublet? Preferably in Brooklyn?

wait for it...wait for it...

We're in kind of a holding pattern here at F&G, for several reasons. The biggest of all is waiting for financing to come through for my new computer, which will allow me to spice up this blog a bit, as well as post pictures of my super road trip with The Croatian Sensation. I don't feel like I should tell stories about our journey without showing you all of the available photo documentation.

I also feel like I'm waiting around career-wise, which sometimes doesn't make sense to me. I landed an agent on Friday - very exciting news - but now I just sit around waiting for the phone to ring for appointments. I still have all of the normal actor-y stuff to do - reading Backstage, reminding my contacts that I'm still alive - now I just have more help.

I also have an acting job of sorts that begins in two weeks, and as a result I can't land any kind of part-time job - people don't want to hire someone who says, "I'd love a flexible schedule, and I really won't be available to you for the next two weeks." So I may have to go the temp route for a while. I've been resisting it because I want to keep my open availability for meetings and auditions, but, in the words of OutKast, "Baby gotta eat!" (And speaking of my favorite musical group in the world, they just released a new single, "The Mighty O", which is mighty good.)

And, because I'm not flush with cash right now, I'm kind of waiting around to make the apartment improvements that I want to do. I just need some more stuff - a proper bed frame (my mattress and boxspring reside on the floor), pots and pans, a new bookcase, etc. I can live without it - it would just make things a bit more comfortable. I do feel a bit like a grownup now that I've at least got a place where I can receive my mail.

Off to bed...still catching up on sleep from the wedding...

The Wedding Of The Century

I'm exhausted. What a weekend! I've gotten about 15 hours of sleep over the past three days, and I'm headed for the same amount tonight. But it was all worth it. The wedding was amazing. It was classy but comfortable - the kind of ceremony where people make jokes and it doesn't seem out of place or rude at all. And my brother and his new wife looked amazing.

One of the many stories that will come from this day: it was really cloudy here all day. Sis-in-law was processing with her parents through the park to the edge of the water where the wedding party was. She was to follow a path through the park, and then step off the path for the last 20 feet or so. As she stepped onto the grass - and I'm totally not making this up - a ray of sunlight burst through the clouds and literally illuminated her and her parents. It almost looked like theatrical lighting. It was amazing.

The only damper of the day - and it was a big one - was that my father passed out right after dinner. He got up from his chair and literally keeled over. Paramedics were called, they put him on oxygen, took him out on a stretcher and over to the local hospital. He's had spells like this before (including a very scary one in Colorado five years ago eerily similiar to this) but it was still a little freaky. He was at the hospital for a few hours, but they let him go because his tests all came out clean - all they know is that his blood pressure dropped rapidly, but they're not sure why. Very scary, but he's out, and he's ok.

I could tell more stories - and I will - but I've got to get some sleep. Hope that everyone had as good a weekend as me...

I'm alive...

...just too busy to write anything for y'all. In the past couple of days, I've:


- returned from my cross-country jaunt

- moved into my new apartment

- started prep for the wedding

- set up a couple of work-related meetings, landing one gig

- made contact with the ex for the first time in six months - good times, but not THAT good, if you know what I mean


So...lots to tell. You'll probably have to wait until after the wedding for details. I'll fill you in, I promise.

What's going on in blogland?

quick check in

Sorry about my lack of posting...my laptop isn't very healthy, and I haven't had much time to get on other people's computers. I really should be in bed now, but I thought I should at least let people know that I"m alive.

I'm in Chicago, and I'll have more stories to put up. I've decided that the pictures must wait until I get my new laptop, which should be in a couple of weeks. But StefStar should have a bunch of things to put up, including a picture of me. So you can see what I look like. Exciting, no?

Time for bed. More soon.

le grand week-end

Nothing profound to say, except that I've had a wonderful weekend in Denver and I don't want it to end. Saw some old friends, watched a play with some of the best acting I've seen in my life with my own eyes, and met some truly spectacular people. You want to hold on to moments like these.

But, alas, Steffie and I must hit the road once again. Nebraska t'm'row, and then Chicago for the better part of next week. Any suggestions for things I should do in the Windy City?

Wednesday

Yesterday was a crazy day, people. To recap:

I woke up really early because I couldn't sleep - probably too disturbed by that episode of "Cheaters" that I watched the night before. Or the fact that my bank account is seriously out of whack.

StefStar and I took Ziggy The Wonder Dog to the beach, where she promptly aggravated the elbow that's been bothering her. We had to get the car to bring her back. (She's ok, don't worry.)

Drove through Nevada all day. Have you ever driven through Nevada? Let me save you some time...don't. There's nothing to see there. Once you get past Reno, it's all over. I was the hit of a Subway in Wannamucca, though.

Driving through eastern Utah (another wasteland, except there the ground is white - literally) we noticed that there were some white dots on the windshield. We just figured that they were flecks of salt that were being thrown up. But it got worse and worse, and they just made streaks on the windshield when I tried to get them off with washer fluid. To make matters even worse, it was getting dark, and the lights from oncoming drivers - which were getting more and more numerous as we approached Salt Lake City - were making it even harder to see. I basically had zero visibility, and no way to get off the highway. I had to follow the lights of cars - that was the only way I could stay on the road.

So Stef and I finally get to a gas station just outside of Park City. I search all over the place, finally find a squeege with wiper fluid, and head to the windshield. And what do I find? Apparently, we drove through a HUGE colony of INSECTS! There were literally thousands of little bug remains all over the windshield...and the side mirrors...and the grill...and the bumper. From a distance, it looked like mud, but you could see the grossness up close. We took a couple of pictures, so you might get to see it, if you can stomach it.

Went to a couple of different places looking for food. Found the only spot that was still serving dinner at 10pm. Inside we heard the worst laugh you've ever heard - high-pitched and obnoxious. The staff said that the guy usually clears a place out pretty quickly. We decided to get a second beer there only after the guy left. The laugh is actually on tape - we're gonna try to get that up on one of our blogs, too.

Just as we were getting ready to leave, a semi-drunk realtor starting talking to us - getting our story, etc. He was trying to convince us to come to some "industry" party. We went, and had an awesome time. Our waitress from the restaurant - who I discovered was (a) training for the Olympics and (b) extremely cute - brought us over a few drinks. So we hung out with the realtor and the waitress/athlete and a golf pro, who was one of the nicest guys I've ever met. And it was awesome. We staggered back to the hotel at 1am. Totally random.

Oh yeah, I even saw a black guy at the party. Who would have thought?

So that was the day. Good times, no? We're headed to Denver in a couple of hours, and we'll be there for the weekend. Since we'll be in one place for a few days, hopefully we can figure out all the tech stuff and post some pics. Right now, though, I've got to go. "Good Morning Utah" is on, and it seems like a seminal moment in television history - they're discussing how Britney puts her baby car seat in incorrectly! I love Utah.

"Tahoe, bitches"

That's right. StefStar and I pulled up in this piece a couple of hours ago - good times. We're staying at this phat resort two blocks from the beach. Internet access hasn't been so great the last couple of days; hence, my absence. In fact, I'm writing this in the hotel lobby - Stef and I are sitting across from each other on our laptops, enjoying the free wireless.

Pictures will be forthcoming. We're documenting our travels as well as we can. Unfortunately, the digital camera I borrowed eats up batteries pretty quick, so I've got to buy some more. No pictures of Sleepy Hamlet for you. ;-)

Pretty exhausted, so I'm done for now. More t'm'row from Park City, UT - we decided that SLC may not be the best place for us...

mmmm...airport floor...

Paying $6.95 for the privilege of logging on to the internet on the floor at Chicago's Midway airport. Couldn't they at least hook up a computer lounge or something? It's the 21st century, after all...

Crazy night last night with the grad school peeps. Hadn't seen some of them in four years, and we certainly made up for lost time. I got to bed at 6:20am, and woke up (late) at 9. So I'm in fine shape today.

The trip has begun! I'll try to post daily updates, starting t'm'row. It will all depend on e-mail access. And, if you're really nice to me, I'll throw up a fun pic or two. Happy Mother's Day!

The Rover

That's what you can call me from now on. I mean, I'm not gonna be bitter if you keep calling me "K Lance", or (if you happen to know it) my real name when you e-mail me. But that's my new public face.

I think it works quite well, actually. Theatrical origins - a couple of famous classical characters go by that name. Of course, the description also matches my nomadic lifestyle. And it does give me a dash of mystery, no?

Thanks to all who made suggestions. Your time, effort, and sarcasm is appreciated.

the end of "k lance"; the beginning of my trip

The blog is continuing, but the name will be changing, for reasons too numerous to list on here. I will say that being back in NYC feels like a kind of rebirth for me, like I'm beginning my life all over again. I'm normally an optimistic person, but I feel even more so these days. And I'm really excited for what the future will hold.

Anyway.

The cross-country trip begins on Sunday! One of my roommates has kindly agreed to lend me her digital camera, so you will see glorious pictures of my trip across America. Well, you'll see them as long as we stay in places that have internet access. It's gonna be really exciting. We've almost got the itinerary finalized - it will probably look something like this:

Sleepy Hamlet
Lake Tahoe
Salt Lake City
Denver
Nebraska
Chicago
Detroit
Toronto/Stratford
Martha's Vineyard
NYC

Good times, no? In my dream trek across America, I'd probably take a more Southern route, going through Phoenix and Texas and New Orleans and Atlanta, but methinks my bank account doth protest too much. Plus this route allows me to fish for a few jobs. And jobs are what we're all about here at F&G. Well, that and the nookie.

Off to find a suit for the Wedding of the Century.

good news/bad news

I'm sitting here waiting for a phone call that contains the bad news. I'm going to hold off speaking of it until I get all of the details. It's nothing catastrophic, but it's not real good, either.

Good news refers to something that I alluded to a couple of weeks ago. I am officially a resident of Brooklyn. One of my friends (a former sublettor AND ex-girlfriend - how's that for a double?) is moving back down South and is giving me her one-bedroom apartment. It's in a cool part of the BK, and it's fairly cheap (meaning that I'm paying less than a grand). I'm going to have a roommate for a few months, and then it's all mine. When I'm not out of town and subletting it to someone else, that is.

What does this mean to my plans to move to LA? Um...good question. I still haven't figured that one out yet. I jumped at this opportunity because it doesn't come along very often. I guess that a fall move is still possible, but, like I said before, nothing more than four weeks out is certain.

I just needed a home, you know? A place to send my mail to, a place where all of my stuff can be, the place I know I can retire to when I finish a gig and not have to worry about disturbing somebody else. I think I'm most excited to get all of my books set up there. They've been packed away in the family basement for so long, and every time I go back to the 'burgh I have to dig through boxes and boxes of stuff before I can find what I'm looking for. No more!

Back to watching the phone, waiting for it to ring.

i heart stephen colbert

Have any of you ever watched "The Colbert Report"? (That final "t" is silent - pronounced "kol-bear re-poor".) Funny as hell. And now comes news of his blistering satire of the President on Saturday night. Normally, that wouldn't be too interesting - who doesn't make fun of the President? - except for the fact that he did it right in front of his face!

You've really got to see it to believe it. (There's a transcript here. You can also find a version of the video on YouTube.)

And then, if you like what you saw, go here to give Mr. Colbert some props.

you remind me...

I almost felt like I had a 9-to-5 today - spent a lot of the day on the computer, working on career stuff. Granted, I spent a lot of time trying to find a suitable sublet, but that kind of feels like work, too. Hopefully I can get all of this stuff settled in the next day or two, and then I can resume my "carefree life", ha ha.

I've been having very weird feelings the last couple of days. The room I'm subletting belongs to my X, who I haven't seen in almost six months. It's very strange being reminded of her 24/7. We lived together for a while, so it's not a totally foreign site to see her stuff hanging next to mine in the closet...but that last happened a couple of years ago.

I guess I'm feeling a loss of what was, if that makes any sense. I miss the time when things were good. That isn't to say that I want to be in that relationship again. But there are times where I really miss being in love with her.

I won't see her until June, and at that point, hopefully, we can kind of clear the air between us and see what our relationship is going to be in the future - friends, lovers, both, neither. I honestly have no idea. I've changed a lot...but so has she. I don't really have any expectations, and as a result I'm actually kind of excited to see what happens.

I think I need to start dinner. I'm trying not to spend any more money than necessary, since I'm living on the dole until my next acting job, but I kind of want some salmon. Looks like I may be making a trip to the local fish market. I love living in the city.

handlin' my business

Settled into my next place - a two week sublet in Brooklyn. (I can tell you that I'm in Brooklyn because there's about 2 million people here - I'm probably pretty safe.) I've never lived in BK before, and, much to my surprise, I like it. The place is nice - it's actually my ex-g'friend's, which is a story in itself - and the roommates are cool. I haven't had roommates in three-plus years, so that's going to be a little bit of an adjustment. No more late night booty calls, I suppose.

I've also been doing the New York actor things while I've been here - meeting with agents, going on auditions. It's kind of like exercising after a long layoff - you know what you're doing, but the skills are a bit rusty. Had a good meeting and audition on Friday, and I've got another audition set up for Monday, so at least I'm keeping busy.

I have more stuff to write about, but I haven't called Voice & Sandwich in almost a week, so I better check in before they think I'm dead.