Fried Catfish & Collard Greens

one year later

2011-09-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

I left New York a year ago.

This fact totally blows my mind.

I was sitting down in my apartment this evening (it's the occasionally creaky ground floor of a Victorian-era house), sitting in my new faux-leather Target easy chair, watching Packers-Saints on my big flat screen - and I looked around and realized that I didn't have any of these things twelve months ago.

Not only that...I had no concept I would own these things then.

I didn't even think I would still be here in Sleepy Hamlet.

It's amazing how quickly and completely life changes. And I'm so glad that the change has been mostly positive.

can't stop won't stop

2011-08-18T00:39:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at my kitchen table, trying my hardest to finish packing for tomorrow's trip. Yet I can't seem to pry myself out of this chair. I really don't want to pack.

I know that I usually travel a lot, but here's what my summer has looked like:

June 1-10: finals
June 11: drive a bunch of hours to pick up parents
June 12: drive a bunch of hours home with parents
June 13-18: parents visit
June 19: drive a bunch of hours to drop off parents
June 20: drive a bunch of hours home
June 21: pack
June 22-26: Los Angeles
June 27-July 3: home working on several projects, including school curriculum
July 4: drive a bunch of hours and then fly to New York
July 4-10: New York
July 10: fly back, pick up my car, and drive a few hours to central CA and camp #1
July 10-23: camp #1
July 23: drive many many hours home
July 24: rest
July 25-26: work on school curriculum
July 27-August 14: camp #2 (with school curriculum stuff mixed in)
August 15: rest
August 16: work on school curriculum
August 17: camp #2 curriculum/rehearsal for play I'm directing
August 18: fly/drive
August 18-21: family trip to see sis-in-law act

It's been non-stop, y'all, and I'm ready for a true vacation. At home. A stay-cation, if you will. I always thought that sounded cheesy, but now I just think it sounds awesome.

summer vacation

2011-08-17T00:52:00.000-07:00

I know that it's supposed to start fin May or June for most teachers...but not me! I've been so busy that my vacation actually started on Monday. Two all-encompassing camps really did a number on me in all sorts of areas - my mental state, my waistline, my writing...

At last, though, I finally get some peace.

More soon. Lots to update on.

something new

2011-04-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

I've been trying my darnedest to blog, but it seems like I always remember at 12:45am. (A little earlier tonight, obviously, but you get my point.)

And, truth be told, my schedule has been a little busy. You know, classes. Planning the trajectory of this program. My busy TV schedule.

And...there's a girl.

I've been a little reluctant to write about this, because it's new, and we are both trying to manage our expectations somewhat through various and sundry personal mind games (not learning the other's schedule, for example), but I like her. A lot. And we've been spending a ton of time together lately.

Like, every day for the past two weeks.

I would describe my emotional state as "cautiously optimistic". The Flying Squirrel is coming out next week, so hopefully she can give her two cents. We'll see.

More tomorrow (technically, today).

i give up

2011-04-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

Teaching is making me miserable. There's no acting work for me. Why sugarcoat it anymore? I'm quitting theater entirely. I bought an LSAT book the other day, and I'm going to take those in the fall and aim for law school next year. Sometimes you just have to grow up.

(april fool!)

second verse, same as the first

2011-03-23T21:15:00.001-07:00

OK. We're going to try the blogging-every-month thing again, in April. I'm going to be hella busy (three classes plus directing a play) but it's worth a shot, right? I mean, I miss writing. I miss the interplay with folks on here. So...why not?

Besides, I still think I have some good stories to tell.

Here's hoping.

movie binge!

2011-02-17T00:16:00.000-08:00

I watched Inception tonight - very cool. For some reason, I went nine or ten months without seeing a movie in the theaters, and so I haven't seen most of the Oscar contenders. So I'm finally using my Netflix subscription again and trying to burn through everything. I'm hoping to sneak away this weekend and see Black Swan or The King's Speech. I have The Kids Are All Right as my other Netflix disc, and next up in my queue is The Social Network. Hopefully I can make a dent before the Oscars.

It's strange - I love watching movies SO much, but I just haven't made time for them recently. Earlier this month I bought a 42" HDTV and a PS3, and it was so enjoyable tonight to fire them up, turn off all the lights, and watch a slick and stylish heist flick - Christopher Nolan is the bomb. Hopefully I'll get to do this a bit more in the coming weeks. Something to look forward to for spring break...

boooooooooooo

2011-02-16T00:32:00.003-08:00

I have been REALLY terrible at this blogging thing lately.

I don't know why that is.

I actually have things to write about, you know? That's what's so weird about this.

Maybe I just don't have enough hours in the day. I spent eleven hours at work today.

Even though I won't achieve my goal of blogging every day, though, I'm still going to keep trying.

playing ps3 would be a lot more fun

2011-02-13T22:54:00.001-08:00

...if it didn't take an hour to frickin' download everything.

Real post coming tomorrow, I promise. I think you'll like it.

it may be late

2011-02-13T01:13:00.000-08:00

But I still think it's time for me to bust out my new PS3.

Pretty sure this means I won't be surfacing for air for a few weeks...

here's how thrilling my life is

2011-02-12T01:26:00.000-08:00

It's Friday night, and I've been sleeping on my couch.

Am I getting old?

party!

2011-02-11T03:09:00.000-08:00

(This counts as Thursday's post, as I just got home:)

Got to hang out with some mature adults my own age! Woo hoo!

Always nice to see the old peeps. It's weird to think that there are still people who were here when I got here eight years ago. That makes me feel old.

OK. Bed. I have to be somewhat alert for tomorrow afternoon's class.

well, this is boring

2011-02-09T23:49:00.001-08:00

Another day where I spent too much time at work - only eleven hours today. Technically, I left for an hour - but it was to have a lunch meeting. So we'll stick with eleven.

I'm hopeful that I'll be able to check out after five tomorrow. Like a normal person.

so tired

2011-02-08T23:49:00.000-08:00

I pulled a thirteen hour day at work today...and still didn't get everything done. And I have another monster day tomorrow.

I can't wait for spring break.

hope everlasting

2011-02-07T23:15:00.000-08:00

Back in June, I received a bracelet enscribed with the word "Hope". (The story behind it can be found at the bottom of this post, if you're too lazy to scroll down.) The original lasted until September, when it broke on the day I was leaving Pittsburgh for my five day cross-country drive to Sleepy Hamlet. Thinking that it was an ominous sign to drive across the country without hope, my mother gave me hers (she hadn't opened the package). Unlike the previous bracelet, which I would take off to shower, I never took this one off.

I woke up this morning to find it broken on the air mattress where I had spent the night.

Fitting, right?

A psychologist might find it interesting that I now equate the snapping of my charm with the end of the Steelers' championship run, rather than the loss of hope in my life. Of course, said psychologist would have a field day with my devotion to my football team.

However, I feel like I'm at a better place now that when I donned that bracelet. My brother and I were kidding around about this this morning, and we were making jokes like, "You're carrying hope in here!" while pointing to our chest. "You've had it all along!" And...there's probably some truth to that, you know?

I'm not going in search for another "Hope" bracelet. I feel like the bracelets did their job. And while I won't miss people asking me why I'm wearing a hairband on my arm, and even though I will probably rub my wrist looking for that familiar band for the next few months, I no longer need a waking reminder of the fact that my life is going to get better.

Because it has.

astute analysis of super bowl xlv

2011-02-06T19:08:00.000-08:00

via facebook

Crap. Well, that sucked.

killing time

2011-02-05T21:55:00.000-08:00

Typing this on my new iPad in a Starbucks somewhere far away from my furnished apartment. My brother and sister-in-law are late, so I've been forced to find cover at various and sundry places while waiting for them to arrive. This place closes at ten, so I will have one more hour to kill.

Just got the "eight minute warning". I wonder if I can just sit in my car and pilfer their internet signal? That would be awesome...

I better use the bathroom before they lock up. Good times.

off to see the wizard

2011-02-05T00:39:00.001-08:00

So, technically, this post counts for Saturday, since it's after midnight, but it's really for Friday. And I'll throw up a text-post as well. (Yeah, it hurts me too to have to go to the text-post so early in the game...but I'm a busy guy. What can you do?)

Excited tomorrow about my weekend trip south. Going to see some friends in a play, and then I'm picking up my brother and sister-in-law at an airport and driving to her mom's house. They're so close to me, and if they've flown this far across the country, I feel like I want to do all I can to see them. As usual, I'm excited to see them.

I'm also excited about eating some In-N-Out Burger. I'm recommitting to a healthy diet and lifestyle on Tuesday, so I've got to live it up this weekend.

this is your life

2011-02-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have one of those moments where you kind of look at your surroundings and think, "This is my life?"

I had one tonight.

I was enjoying "Taco Night" at a bar in the big city. I was waiting in line for tacos, and I just started noticing the clientele...and realized that the people there were pretty...um..."rural", for lack of a better word. And, hey, there's nothing wrong with that...but I would never describe myself as "rural" in a million years.

It's usually at moments like that that I am reminded of the fact that I'm the only black guy in the room. And, right on cue, a white guy wearing a baseball hat cocked to the side walked by me, noticed my blackness, and said, "Eh, what up, bro?"

I'm guessing he doesn't say that to random white guys.

Hey, I made the decision to move back to Sleepy Hamlet full time. And it's been OK, for the most part. I just wish it was a little more diverse.

on a roll

2011-02-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

Two days in a row! Yay!

Trying to do a bit of housekeeping around here. I've been wanting to make some layout changes for a while now, so I'm going to try and phase that in bit by bit. So if you show up one day and this whole thing is pink and orange, you know why.

Pretty good day today. I taught an exercise to my students that went over like gangbusters, and for the first time in that class, I really felt like I was doing my own material. I've been teaching someone else's curriculum (for various and sundry reasons) and it hasn't been a good fit. I'll have to detail that at another time, when I don't have fourteen things to do to prepare for class tomorrow.

Sometimes I still can't believe that I'm teaching.

and so it begins

2011-02-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

"Don't call it a comeback; I've been here for years..."

- LL Cool J

How is everyone?

As promised, I've shown up on February 1, and I will attempt to blog every day this month. This will be difficult, as:

1. I am out of the habit of blogging
2. I have extremely busy at work
3. I have a couple of trips planned

Nonetheless, I plan on giving this the good ol' college try. We'll see how it goes.

Life in Sleepy Hamlet is...all right. I'm getting used to the fact that I'm here on a permanent basis, slowly but surely. I'm nesting a little bit - bought an HDTV and PS3 last weekend, and I got new tires (in anticipation of all of my trips). I've had a couple of fun adventures recently...but I have to save SOMETHING to write about...

next month...

2011-01-04T22:06:00.000-08:00

I will blog every day. Since, you know, I've obviously failed for this month.

Promise.

February 1st through the 28th...it's on, baby.

I'll take requests for topics. Things I will be blogging about:

- the lack of eligible age-appropriate ladies in Sleepy Hamlet
- hilarity from the impressionable youngsters I see daily
- the joys of having your own office
- the Steelers' deep playoff run
- kale

Anything else?

another new year

2011-01-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

I rang this one in with a whimper: my flight from back home was delayed, so I was actually in a cab when the clock struck midnight. Anticlimactic, no?

I'm currently debating whether to (a) go through one of those blogging months, or (b) close up shop entirely. I suppose you'll have to tune in tomorrow to see what I do.

In the meantime, best wishes for a happy and healthy 2011!

concrete jungle where dreams are made of

2010-09-07T22:20:00.002-07:00

Note: I wrote this on my last night in NYC with the intention of putting it up here - the face that it's taken me a month to post this should give you an idea of how busy I've been. A full explanation will be coming shortly; all sorts of new fun stories, people!

I moved to New York just over eleven years ago. I vividly remember my first night unpacking all of my things, hooking up my computer to a phone jack by stringing a telephone cord across a hallway, being afraid to open my windows, and not believing that I was finally living here.

Tonight is my last night in New York. I don't know how much my feelings about this place have changed; I just know that I'm changed. And all that enthusiasm I had for subways and traffic and crowds is now focused on sky and trees and grills and dogs and space.

Much like that night, I know that I am on the precipice of an extraordinary adventure; an undiscovered country lies ahead of me. But I am so much of a better person for the life that I've lived here, the experiences I've had, the things I've seen, the people I've met...oh, the people. So many that have touched my life in so many different ways. I am grateful for them all.

Sometimes I feel as if I should be sad, mostly when I say goodbye to someone I care deeply about, like my sister-in-law, or the Flying Squirrel, or my brother - the only one who has been here every step of the way with me. But the goodbyes come, and my eyes stay dry, because in my heart of hearts I know that this is right, that I have to leave, to have new adventures and experiences. It's my time. I have to seize it.

I am excited to be going forth, but I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the imprint this city had on me. Has. For better or worse, New York City has made me who I am, and I am proud to carry that forth. I always will be.

so you want an update, huh?

2010-08-26T21:07:00.001-07:00

I'm permanently leaving New York and moving to...

Sleepy Hamlet.

How's that for a shocker, huh?

I'd write more, but I'm too busy packing up my life.

ten things i learned on vacation

2010-06-21T17:34:00.004-07:00

1. I'm good at traveling

I went on a ten day excursion to Sleepy Hamlet and Las Vegas - two very different climates and two very different atmospheres. And yet I managed to fit everything into a carry-on-sized bag. Winner.

I also left my laptop at home, relying on my Palm Pre and iPod Touch, and had no internet access in Vegas other than my phone. If you've ever met me, you know that's a minor miracle.

2. I can't treat my body the way that I used to

One of the few positives of my crappy temp job is that since I don't take lunch breaks (because I don't get paid) I bring healthy food to work. I've kind of shifted into a grazing mode: a handful of almonds and cranberries here, an apple there, a turkey sandwich at lunch. Occasionally I'll have a bag of chips or some chocolate, but that's the exception to the rule. Dinners have been pretty light - mostly chicken or fish with some vegetables. I've also been working out pretty consistently these days, and I've cut back on the drinking.

On vacation?

Multiple drinks most nights. I got completely hammered at least three times, and had one of the worst hangovers of my life. On a different morning, I woke up still drunk from the night before. I ate loads of red meat and greasy food. Salt. Fat. Sugar. Very little exercise (unless you count "twelve ounce curls" as working out).

Five years ago, I could eat that without skipping a beat. Now? I feel sluggish, bloated, slow. I went grocery shopping tonight and I've never been so excited to buy fruits and vegetables. This must be a sign of me getting old.

3. I'm ready to go back to Sleepy Hamlet

The first leg of the trip was spent in my old stomping grounds, and I had a great time. My man Leprechauna Jones and his lady came up from LA. I stayed with an extremely cool chick who we'll call The Prodigy (another story for another time). I saw all my old peeps. Everyone had such nice things to say to me, and more than one person said, "They need to bring you back here." Normally I just laugh stuff like that off...but this time was different.

I hate admitting that I want acting jobs, because that opens up a whole can of worms, but I really want to live there again, to work there as an actor. Never thought I'd say that.

We'll see if it happens.

4. I miss having a community

One of the reasons that I love Sleepy Hamlet is because of the network of friends I have there. Not only do they know me, but they know and like each other. I feel like I have a real clump of people who have my back. I love them like family. It was really hard to leave them this time...but then I went to Vegas and met up with my actual clan...

5. My family is remarkable

I had a great time in Sleepy Hamlet, but it was exhausting. I really wasn't looking forward to spending four days in Vegas for a birthday party/family reunion. I've got some crazy family members who get on my nerves, and I was afraid that it was going to be a disaster.

Instead, it was delightful.

I spent some quality time with several cousins that I hadn't seen in years. We ate, we drank, we gambled, we sang, we prayed, we laughed. And I was really reminded of my legacy. I am related to some remarkable, talented, intelligent people.

One experience stands out. We had a Father's Day brunch on Sunday, and my brother had already agreed to sing one of his songs. As always, my cousin who generally plays the MC tried to get me to perform something. My attitude is generally, "Why? Who wants to see a monologue out of context?" But she kept badgering and badgering, and finally I relented. I got up in the little room we had reserved and busted out forty lines of my best Shakespeare.

I have never received such an ovation in my life.

If you've never had the change to have several generations of your family applaud you and give you hugs and pounds and kisses, you really have to do something to make that happen. It's an amazing feeling. To be able to share your art with your own flesh and blood - and to have them get it, really get it...wow.

The coolest part was that my brother played after me, and then my father got up and said that he was proud of us, and proud of the whole family for working to make it possible for us to get to the place where we're able to share our gifts. He talked about talents of previous generations who didn't get the chance to shine due to various circumstances, and said that my brother and I are reminders that you can really do anything you want to, if you're willing to work hard. It was really great to hear him verbalize that. I don't know that I've ever been prouder of my dad.

So yesterday was a great day. Then I hopped on a redeye back to New York, got home at six, crawled into bed at eight, and couldn't stop my brain from racing. Because, over the past few hours, the following realization had crept over me:

6. I'm not in a good place

While the validation from my family was great, in some strange way it magnified the misery I've been feeling lately. I hate this temp job with a passion, and I feel like it's keeping me away from doing what I want to do. I had just spent ten days with two great communities that I belong to...only to come back to New York and realize that I don't have one here. Sure, I have great friends here, but they're all individual friendships; there's no greater connection to a whole.

On the female front, I've been rejected by girls I liked twice in the past two weeks, and I kept having this visceral reaction in the pit of my stomach whenever I would see couples holding hands, or kissing. At first, I thought I was just turned off by PDA a little more than normal, but as I thought about it more and more, I kept returning to the horrible conclusion that I first blurted out to my therapist a couple of months ago, which is:

7. I want to be in a relationship

It really hurts me to admit that. I feel like I'm supposed to be independent right now - after all, I was with Maxine on and off for almost eight years, and during most of those "off" times I usually had someone around. I feel like I'm supposed to be ok with being alone. But I have to face facts, and confront the truth: I would really love to have a partner.

You know what the worst part of this is?

8. It's logistically impossible for me to be in a relationship right now

I realized that truth last night, after reading an e-mail from The Prodigy telling me that she wasn't interested in having a relationship with me. Now, there's a bit more to the story than that, but nevertheless my feelings were really hurt. After thinking it through, however, I realized that my travel schedule over the next few months and my economic condition isn't so conducive to a healthy relationship. Sure, I could make something work long-distance, but I've already done that, and I don't know if that's the kind of relationship I want right now.

9. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be in New York

Something else I realized in my talks with The Prodigy (it was an intense few days) is that I'm not sure how much longer I want to be here. I'm not living the kind of life I want to lead. My competitive nature is the one thing keeping me here; I feel a need to prove that I can compete with the best actors in the world, and land parts in high profile projects. But I'm broke, working a lousy job for lousy pay, and I'm not auditioning right now, and my apartment (while a great deal for the city) is tiny and expensive. I just keep thinking, "Why am I doing this? For what?"

Why shouldn't I move to a smaller regional city, like San Francisco or Seattle or Washington or Denver or Minneapolis and work a lot and teach on the side? I could have an apartment, get a teaching job, meet a nice girl and settle down and get married and start a family. Why not?

Because, if I never gave New York a fair shot, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I don't want to be 55 looking back and saying, "Oh, I could've done this and that, blah blah blah." I want no regrets. So, every though I deny myself pleasure after pleasure, I have to keep pushing. It's immensely frustrating.

So, in summation, what did this week teach me?

10. I have no clue where I'm going

For most of the past decade, I've been able to tell you what I'm going to be doing five years from now. Not with any freakish degree of accuracy, mind you, but I could say, "I'm going to be an actor based out of New York, and I'm going to be with Maxine." Breaking up with her last fall changed all that. Suddenly my life had no anchor. I was free to move in any direction I wanted. Sometimes that has been pleasant, but most of the time I've felt paralyzed. I suppose, however, that recognizing this is some small victory. You have to know where you are before you know where you're going, right?

Two things to close with. Yesterday, I was sitting with my mother in the hotel room. She was trying to give me money, as usual. As usual, I was trying not to take it. But my poverty trumped my pride, and I relented. My mother bent down, cradled my face in her hands, and said, "I just hope that you find whatever it is that you're looking for."

I almost bawled. I have no idea how I held it together. I think I muttered thanks and looked away quickly, but I was just in amazement that she could see right through me like that. I guess that I shouldn't be that amazed. She is my mother, after all. She just wants the best for me.

Which brings me to the other thing.

We got goodie bags for the whole weekend, and much of our swag was cancer-related. (Several of my family members have battled cancer, so many of us are involved in cancer fighting charities.) This was the night of my massive hangover, so I was feeling particularly crappy. I took the bag from my cousin, who pointed out something in their that she didn't want me to lose. Perched on top of the purple tissue paper was an elastic bracelet wrapped in plastic. In the center of the bracelet was a grey bead with a single word printed on it.

It spoke to me. It was just what I needed. I ripped open the plastic, and put it on my wrist straightaway. I'm wearing it now.

It's a reminder. Things may be tough now...but tomorrow brings endless possibility, of brightness just around the corner.

Hope.

That may be all I have, but it's a pretty powerful something.

changing the paradigm (i need a nice girl)

2010-06-06T18:57:00.004-07:00

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I tend to experience...ahem..."girl drama".

If you know me in real life, you would probably agree that I tend to date CRAZY women.

It's true. I don't deny this. I tend to have a weakness for icy, bitchy, beautiful women, who are mean and/or selfish. Or flaky, flighty women who have random mood swings and do irrational things that freak me out. Like print t-shirts with my name on them. Or plan spontaneous trips to visit me when they know I'm dating someone else.

Yeesh. It looks worse when I type it.

Anyway, I'm trying to actively change the type of woman I date. Some of the qualities that I'm looking for can't be changed; for example, it is impossible for me to date someone who hates theater. Or who isn't honest. Or has a flat butt. But I'm trying to put more of an emplasis on women who value some of the things I do: family, courtesy, tact.

Sports.

Above all, I'm looking for someone who is nice. I used the phrase "big-hearted" recently - not sure that I've dated someone like that since high school.

I had an encounter a few weeks ago that showed me I'm making some progress.

I'm in Brooklyn on a Friday night, and I passed a beautiful woman with an Afro on her cell phone. I am intrigued. I get to my destination, and as I wait outside I see her again. Still on her phone. She smiles. I smile. She approaches me.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Excuse me, can I ask you a question?

ME: Of course.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Would you mind doing me a favor?

Uh-oh. Alarms bells going off.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: I'm trying not to run into my ex-boyfriend, and I think he may be inside this bar. Would you mind going inside and checking to see if he's there?

Now, obviously, I'm thinking BULLSHIT. Obviously, this woman is just looking for an excuse to talk to me. It's a lame one, but I'm kind of impressed that she came up with something so...so...dumb. And, you know, having a pretty girl make dumb excuses to talk to me is kind of awesome. It makes my ego feel good. So I decide to play along.

ME: Uh...sure.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: He's got dreadlocks. He's really corny-looking.

"Corny-looking"? Really? What the hell does that mean?

ME: Uh...ok.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Oh, thank you. You are so nice!

I go into the bar. It is Buppie central. (Black Urban Professionals, for the uninitiated.) I walk the length of the bar. There is exactly one guy in the place with dreadlocks - and he's the DJ. And, if a girl's ex-boyfriend is a DJ, she's going to say, "Look for the DJ."

Armed with this information, I return to the front, where she is still standing (and still on her cell phone).

ME: The only guy in there with 'locks is the DJ.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Was he real corny-looking?

ME: Uh, I don't know...sure.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Yeah, that's him. You are so nice! Thank you!

We exchange names and chit-chat for a bit, and then she moves off to finish her phone call. My friends arrive (The Flying Squirrel and her friend). We walk through the club, decide that it's not our scene, and head across the street. I see my new friend walking away down the street. Too bad, I think. I had been planning on asking her to join us.

We go to the bar across the street. As we enter, I'm thinking, "She was cute, and she was obviously interested in you. And it's New York, so if you see someone you like, you need to go for it!" I excuse myself and head back out into the street.

No sign of her.

I walk in the direction where I last saw her.

Nope.

I walk around the entire block.

Nothing.

Oh well, I think. I cross the street and prepare to head back to my friends...when I see her coming towards me on the street. Still on her phone. I approach her:

ME: Excuse me, Pretty Woman W/Afro?

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: (to person on phone) Hold on a minute, Darnell. (to me) Yes?

ME: I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to get a drink or coffee sometime.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Hmmm. Well, I don't know. You were acting kind of stuck up back there.

Um, what?

ME: I don't know what you mean. I was waiting for my friends to arrive, and when I turned around you were walking down the street. I was going to ask you to join us.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Hmmm, I don't know. Well...how old are you?

I tell her my age.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Okay, okay, I'm thirty, okay, that works. Well...what do you do?

It is at this point that I seriously consider walking away. These are pointed questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated. But, hey, I am a guy who follows through. In karate, as a kid, the tenth rule was ALWAYS FINISH WHAT YOU START. I must finish this. This is how I roll. So, against my better judgement, I answer:

ME: I'm an actor.

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Okay, okay, so that means you must be creative. You look like someone who can sing.

Um, what?

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: Okay, okay, I could go out with you. Yeah.

ME: Well, how should we do this? Should I take your number, or do you want to give me yours, or can I give you my card...?

PRETTY WOMAN W/AFRO: A card? That's just so impersonal. (to person on phone) Darnell, I'm going to have to call you back.

Yes, that entire conversation took place WHILE SHE WAS ON THE FUCKING PHONE.

We exchange info, I go inside and hang with my friends.

I tell this story twice over the next two days: first, to a group of female friends, who are vehemently opposed to me going out with her. "If she's going to make you jump through all those hoops now and play these games," one friend says, "she's going to do that the whole time, You don't want to mess with that."

The second time was at our annual Mother's Day brunch: my brother, sister-in-law and I drove up to New England to have brunch with Voice & Sandwich, Grandma, my aunt, and my cousins. After the story, my mother looks distressed. "I just don't like this," she says.

ME: So you're saying you don't trust my taste in women?

VOICE: YES!

We all laughed. It was kind of shocking, hearing that from my mother. And eye-opening.

So, of course, I call this woman on Thursday night, as I'm headed out for the evening.

At this point you're probably thinking, where are these changes? This seems like another pursuit of crazy.

Well, yes.

But as the phone was ringing, I found myself hoping that she wouldn't pick up. When she called me back the next evening, I didn't pick up. And a couple of days later, I deleted her number from my phone, without calling her back.

If she treats a stranger like that, is she really the nice girl I'm looking for?

It took me a while to get there, but I consider this progress.

working boy

2010-05-03T21:00:00.004-07:00

Hey y'all.

I've been wanting to write this post for several days, but...I've been working.

(Yaaaay!)

Unfortunately, I'm working at a temp job.

(Booooo!)

It's at a "financial services" company, and it's not great. Why?

- I got one day of training, from the nice woman who had the job before me. This consisted of going through a two page list with her, filled with things like, "Order water when it gets low," and "Make sure we have enough paper." This in-depth tutorial was occasionally punctuated by my teacher exclaiming things like, "It's my last day!" alternating with, "I'm moving to Hawaii!" Good for her. Really. Abso-fucking-lutely GREAT for her.

- The office is SILENT. Like a monastery. The people are nice, but biting into an apple feels like you've just farted in church. My brother called me at my desk today, and I could barely have a conversation with him because I felt like the whole office was listening in and judging me.

- I'm working with a lot of concepts that I'm not quite comfortable with. There's always a learning curve with a new job, and it always feels like Mount Everest when you start. Right now I'm just starting the climb, sans Sherpa. Because my Sherpa is moving to Hawaii, you see.

(Side note. I have a feeling that one of the reasons that this job is "not great" is because, whenever I'm asked how I'm liking it, I say It's "not great", you know what I mean? Perhaps we have a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy on our hands, youknowhatimsayin?)

Anyway, the one bright spot is that I do have unsupervised computer access, so I can read the occasional e-mail and check out the odd web page now and again. Despite my deep reservations, I'm committing to staying at this place through mid-July; we'll reevaluate the situation then. Let's hope that I land a fabulous acting job...

For now, I'm headed to bed. Why? Because I had to get up at six to get a workout in before heading to the office, that's why. See how hard my life is?

(Less whiny in the next post. Promise.)

the welcome home whirlwind

2010-04-21T22:40:00.004-07:00

It's amazing how quickly things can change. One minute, you're on top of the world. The next, you feel like life is kicking you in the face. Repeatedly.

With that said, here's the basic timeline of my first 48 hours back in New York.

SUNDAY
appx 3:45pm: Plane touches down at LaGuardia. I briefly consider kissing the tarmac, but remember that I'm back in the city, and decide to pass.

3:50pm: My bag is heavy. My bookbag broke last weekend, so I'm stuck carting around my computer and my other essentials in my gym bag, which was not built to carry heavy stuff. My shoulder hurts.

3:55pm: Luggage arrives.

4:00pm: Get into a cab to take me home. The cab driver is a cheery African who smokes a cigarette and blares loud reggae music. I am so excited to be home that I don't mind.

4:30pm: Home! I open the door to my apartment and am greeted by the sound of my smoke detector. This means I need to buy a battery. My apartment is very dusty, and my bathroom smells funny. I chalk this up to my month-long absence.

4:45pm: Talk to the Brooklyn Squirrel on the phone in front of a drug store. It is a perfect day. There are beautiful people everywhere. I am so happy to be back in my neighborhood.

5:00pm: Equipped with batteries (on sale!) and some frozen yogurt (also on sale!), I return home. I feel like I am floating. There is no tension in my body. I am only slightly anxious about running into my ex-girlfriend. I think to myself, Perhaps this represents a turning point in your life. Perhaps things are going to totally go your way over the next few weeks. Perhaps your life will transform for the better, right now!

In retrospect, I totally jinxed myself.

5:15pm: I investigate the smell in my bathroom. It smells faintly of vanilla. I notice that I have left my vanilla-scented candle jar unscented all month. Maybe the caged-up vanilla smell goes bad when it is trapped in a small space, I think. I open the lid to my toilet. I realize that the candle has nothing to do with the smell: sewage has backed up into my toilet. It is truly disgusting. It will not flush. The only description I will give you: a layer of mold is on the top.

5:20pm: I call the front desk. They tell me that no one is around to fix it, but they will submit a work order. I will have to use the public restrooms in the building. I decide to not worry about it, and turn on the TV to watch some playoff hoops as I dust.

5:22pm: The cable goes out.

5:45pm: After two phone calls to the cable company and several attempts to reboot, I am informed that there is a problem with my cable box, and that technicians will have to come out to fix things. "How is Thursday afternoon?" the cheery cable lady asks. I wish that I could punch her in the face.

6:00pm: I dust. I call my parents. They tell me that things will get better. We talk sports.

8:40pm: I arrive at The Hot Wing's house for dinner - she has agreed to cook for me. Her cat is happy to see me.

8:50pm: I play with the cat. I don't like cats, but I'm a nice guy. We play gentle, then a little rough, then gentle.

9:30pm: We eat. We catch up. The Hot Wing is awesome.

11:30pm: I go home to work on sides for my audition. I only found about it on Friday. I am worried that, even though it is only two pages, I am not prepared enough.

12:30am: I go downstairs to use the bathroom. I feel like an idiot. There is no soap in the bathroom. Or paper towels. I feel gross.

1:30am: Sleep. I am happy to be in my comfortable bed.

MONDAY
9:15am: Rise and shine. I notice that I have bug bites on my right hand and left arm.

11:00am: I arrive for my audition. I endured train trauma, but this is already a long post.

11:10am: I perform my audition. The response is enthusiastic. I am elated.

11:15am: I speak to my temp agent, who has a job for me on Tuesday. I am elated.

12:00pm: I hang out in my building's new workout facility, where my sister-in-law is showing people how to use the equipment. We catch up. My sister-in-law is awesome. I check in with the maintenance guys, and they tell me they will be by at four to fix the toilet.

2:30pm: I buy lunch and go grocery shopping. The bug bites still itch. I put anti-itch cream on them. I check around my bed for spiders and around my ceiling for mosquitoes. I find nothing.

4:00pm: Maintenance doesn't show up.

6:00pm: I meet The Flying Squirrel for coffee. We catch up. The Flying Squirrel is awesome.

7:30pm: We eat dinner at a cool new restaurant. I keep scratching my hand. This bug bite is really bothering me.

9:30pm: Home. I resort to watching games on the internet. My bites are itching like crazy. The cream is not helping.

11:30pm: I try to get myself ready for bed, because I want to work out in the morning before my temp job. I set my alarm for six. I have to go downstairs to use the bathroom. There's still no soap or towels. Fortunately I have brought hand sanitizer. I feel slightly less gross. I search the bed and sheets again for bugs or spiders. I wonder if I was bit at my Heartland apartment.

1:15am: I finally get in bed. My hand and arm itch to the point of pain. I reset the alarm for six fifteen.

3:50am: I wake to my hand throbbing. I look at it and notice that it is swollen to a ridiculous state. I start to panic. I debate going to the hospital, but decide that I am being a wuss.

4:00am: I research spider bites online. I gross myself out.

4:30am: I remember that The Hot Wing's cat, while playing with me, nipped my hand. I wonder if that is the cause of the pain. I put ice on my hand and arm and that helps somewhat.

5:15am: I finally go back to sleep. I scrap my plan to work out at 6:15.

TUESDAY
8:15am: Rise and shine. I am exhausted.

8:30am: My hand is so swollen that I cannot bend my wrist. Under my skin I see a red streak that extends from my wrist to my elbow. The lump on my left arm is now the size of a mini candy bar. This makes getting dressed in my fancy temp clothes difficult.

8:50am: I leave for my temp job. I decide to tell them upon arrival that I will have to go see my doctor. I call my mother, who confirms my decision.

9:30am: I arrive at my temp job. I am told to wait. I sit down on the couch.

9:35am: The other employee from my temp agency arrives. She has been informed that the job has been cancelled.

9:37am: I check my phone. There is a voice mail. It is from my temp agency, telling me to go home because the temp job has been cancelled.

9:45am: I call my doctor's office. They initially tell me that there's no way to see the doctor today, but after I explain my problem they tell me they will call back.

10:00am: I eat breakfast at McDonald's (I didn't want to go all the way home, ok?). I talk to The Hot Wing, who is on a break from jury duty. She is mortified and apologetic. I tell her that it is not her fault. Or her cat's.

10:10am: The phone rings again. It is the doctor's office. My doctor can see me at one.

11:00am: I arrive home. I change out of my fancy temp clothes into my regular Rover clothes. My toilet is still not fixed. I call the maintenance guys. They say they will come up.

11:30am: My temp agent calls to apologize. During her call, the maintenance guys arrive. The toilet is fixed. The maintenance guys are awesome.

12:50pm: I arrive at the doctor's office. My doctor sees me quickly.

1:00pm: I am examined on the table. The red streak now extends from my wrist almost to my armpit. The doctor excuses herself.

1:10pm: The doctor returns. You have an infection from the cat bite, she says. We're going to start you on antibiotics, and I'm going to give you a tetanus shot.

Great, I say. I can still work out while I'm taking this right?

My doctor gives me a withering look.

Um, NO, she says. You have a VERY bad infection. You need to rest for a few days before you start exerting yourself.

My doctor is awesome.

1:50pm: My prescription is filled. This is the fourth time I am on antibiotics in the past seven months. Ironically, I still have four pills left in my pack of probiotics, which, you know, you take after a course of antibiotics. I find this hilarious.

2:15pm: I eat lunch with my brother and his drummer. We make fun of various and sundry things, including: the drummer, for her slow lunch order; the burger joint's soundtrack; internet videos and websites; the sheer size of my antibiotics. We take a picture to document the growth of my stunning man beard. It is a beautiful day. My hand and arm have stopped itching so much. I am drinking an Arnold Palmer. Things are better. My parents were right. They usually are.

food

2010-04-15T21:08:00.002-07:00

We had a brush-up rehearsal for our show tonight, which meant that we ran through the thing at about half the emotional intensity. I'm usually starving after work, and I don't have a bunch of stuff at the apartment, so after the run I went to IHOP. I kept thinking about eggs as I drove over, and I was determined to order something (a) healthy and (b) inexpensive.

So what did I order?

Chicken-friend steak with three eggs and three pancakes. And a carafe of coffee (decaf). Seventeen bucks with tip.

And...I feel like crap.

I always do this. I always try to eat with the idea of eating healthy foods that will fuel my body and keep me slim. My taste buds, however, somehow seem to circumvent the process and take control just as I'm ordering. That's why I've been on a fast-food jag the last week or so.

It's a constant battle. I love food. I love eating out, and I love cooking, and I love watching cooking shows, and I love reading restaurant reviews...I just think all of it is great. I wish I could just eat what I want all of the time.

Then, I snap back to reality.

First of all, I'm single. I think that my chances of finding an attractive mate rise as my stomach flattens. So there's that. There's also a history of high blood pressure in my family. Most importantly, right now, is that men in my family, when they reach their early-to-mid-thirties, tend to put on weight. And I can't play the kinds of roles that I'm playing now if I'm carrying around thirty extra pounds.

So I try to watch what I eat.

And I try to go to the gym.

And I beat myself up when I fail at those two tasks.

This week? I've been to the gym once (yesterday) and I've had fast food multiple times. You can guess how my psyche feels.

Time to drink water and cleanse myself...

life in the heartland

2010-04-08T22:12:00.003-07:00

I've been trying to get this post up for the better part of a week, but free time has been in short supply. I'm playing a pretty big role in the show I'm doing here, so I have to kind of line up my day to make sure that I get enough rest, food, sneak a workout in, etc. This leaves precious little blogging time. But here I am, staying up late for you, dear reader. See? I care about this blog!

Anyway...

I'm currently working at a small Midwestern college, located in an even smaller town in the middle of nowhere. Until my parents came last week, I thought that this town didn't even have chain restaurants. Fortunately, they were staying at the other end of town, where all of the "stuff" is located. So my experience has improved in the last week quite a bit - I'm ashamed to say this, but it's amazing what Starbucks can do for one's psyche.

It's been really lonely here, as I alluded to in the post below. And the work, at times, has been frustrating. Two of the students that I rely the most on in the show have been disasters. One can't learn his lines to save his life; the other has a very laissez-faire attitude. As we've moved closer to opening, they've been better - if you consider "paraphrasing whole swaths of text" and "missing an entrance during dress rehearsal "better. They're very nice, though, so it's really hard to kill them for anything. I keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be a learning experience. To be fair, most of the students have really good work ethics, and the young woman who plays my love interest has been a delight. That helps immensely.

Another strange phenomenon here is the publicity for the show. Basically the top half of the posters they've designed is a big color photo of my now-bearded face, staring intently into the viewer's soul. (Which is kind of hilarious, because when they took the picture I was looking directly into the sun, and my thoughts alternated between, "Can I shut my eyes now?" and "I wonder how much damage this is doing to my retinas?") These posters are EVERYWHERE on campus - the cafeteria, glaring at me as I eat; the gym, watching me on the elliptical; and standing guard at seemingly every building entrance on campus. It's really really freaky. It becomes hilarious when I walk past the poster when someone is nearby - invariably they'll glance back and forth between the photo and me. I really wish I could record people's reactions - they're that entertaining.

Anyway, these posters have kind of made me infamous on campus; everyone seems to know me. Now, very rarely is anyone actually talking to me, but more often than not I'm getting that flicker of recognition when I walk past someone. I guess I know what it's like to be famous. I don't like it.

I know that there have been several inquiries (or assumptions) concerning my current status with the ladies. I'll save that one for the next post...coming this weekend...

why am i back?

2010-03-31T22:41:00.003-07:00

Interruption my orgy of television shows on Hulu to post - see how dedicated I am to this comeback?

I'm not quite sure why I stopped writing in the first place. It was probably a combination of several factors: burnout from blogging every single day in 2008, depression from the end of my relationship, not having internet at home for a couple of months, being really really sick for three months.

I also think that, when I don't have a whole lot nice to say, I tend not to say anything. And 2009 was really quite horrible for me. A week and a half ago, on my last night in New York, I ran into a close friend of mine from grad school at a bar in Brooklyn. I hadn't seen him in over a year, which is super strange, because he's one of the few guy friends I have in the city. He's a great guy, he's super fun...and yet I couldn't think of a good reason why I hadn't called him. Well, here's the reason: I was just in a funk, and I really didn't want to deal with anybody, save for about a half dozen of my closest, closest friends. This is all fascinating to me in hindsight.

Anyway, part of the reason why I'm writing now is because I'm in a tiny tiny town with no one to talk to. I spend my days doing one of four things: eating, surfing the internet, rehearsing, or working out. Life is simple. It's simple because I really don't have any other options, or ways to complicate my life. I'm working with a bunch of college students, so I can't really hang out with them. My director and producer, while nice, have their own families and are both at least fifteen years old than I am. And the people in this town...well...not to get all racist on you, but they're kind of the definition of "redneck", and I don't feel like I have a lot in common with them. I'm kind of afraid to stroll into the bar by myself, know what I mean? Making matters more difficult is that I'm living in a basement apartment, which means my cell phone service is practically nonexistent. I have a hard line, but I can't make long distance calls.

In a word, I'm isolated. Which I actually think isn't a bad thing for me right now. But it does mean that this blog becomes a window out into the world for me again, and I actually find that kind of exciting.

I have all kinds of things I want to write about: this town, the show I'm working on, the freaky experience of literally seeing your face staring at you every where you go, and (of course) my female situation (which is probably most important to those of you who know me in real life). We'll get to that. For now, I just want to say thanks for sticking with me. More to come...

we're back, bitches

2010-03-27T21:18:00.002-07:00

With a mini-vengence, let's hope.

I'll start things off gently, by sharing with you one of my favorite websites. Happy browsing.

I'm in the Heartland for the next few weeks, and I'm bursting with stories, so hopefully you'll be checking in on the regular.

epic fail

2010-01-30T08:48:00.002-08:00

Yeah, that once-a-week blogging thing? Not going so well.

I have an excuse for two weeks ago: I had an audition four out of the five days of the week, all of which required preparation; I had to go to my great-uncle's funeral; my parents came into town for said funeral; a friend showed up at my door on Wednesday afternoon and stayed until Saturday. There was a lot going on, so I'm not going to beat myself up over that one.

This week, though? No excuse. I thought I was going to be working a temp job Wednesday through Friday, but it ended up getting canceled Tuesday afternoon, so I had three free days. And while I was able to accomplish a wide variety of things (laundry, signing up for a gym membership, getting my hair cut, cleaning my bathroom), this blog sat, untouched.

Boo.

Maybe there's just not a lot for me to write about. I'm waiting to hear if I'm getting an acting job in the spring (I already have one lined up for late March/early April). I have a date on Sunday. I'm starting a hardcore push to push my career to the next level. Otherwise...not a heck of a lot to report.

I promise, though, that there WILL be a post next Wednesday. It's my anniversary. I have to celebrate that with a post, right?

partner

2010-01-13T18:51:00.005-08:00

Last night I went on a date. (Ah, the excitement of single life.) The date was with a young lady who...well...let's just say that she deserves her own post. We saw Up In The Air, which is a fantastic movie - but maybe not one you should see on a date. One of the central themes of the movie is about connections, and whether or not a person really needs a partner.

This movie really hit home for me for several reasons - it's essentially an exaggerated version of my lifestyle - but especially because of this idea of partners. I've been thinking a lot about partners lately. I kind of had a horrifying breakthrough in therapy last week:

I want to be in a relationship.

I was actually kind of shocked by that discovery. I mean, I just got out of an on-and-off situation that lasted for almost eight years! I've been single for only a few months - well, eight...but that doesn't seem like that long! Shouldn't I be on the prowl every night? Shouldn't I be sleeping with everything that moves? Shouldn't I be looking to hook up with young women who don't have a care in the world? Sure, those things are all fun...but I want more than that.

And that makes me feel incredibly weak.

My therapist, when I mentioned that to her, reminded me that human beings are designed for companionship. And, logically, I know she's right. And I also know, logically, that while I do want a female companion - a "plus one", if you will - that I'm not ready to jump into marriage and children and all that stuff right now. But emotionally I feel like they're all interconnected.

I'm in an interesting place right now.

I feel like there's more to share about this, but I can't really form the words right now. Let's come back to this after I've had some food...

New Year's meme 2009

2010-01-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

OK, as we've established, 2009 sucked big fat donkey balls. But before we forget about it forever, why not get a little bit more in detail about the (occasional) ups and the (numerous) downs of the year? I mean, I didn't share a lot of it here. So consider this like the recap of 2009. You know, before we start 2010.

Here we go. Thanks, belle chanson, for giving me the idea.

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I flew a plane and steered a boat in consecutive days. That was pretty awesome.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, here's the list, if you're so inclined. I did pretty well, actually, except for the debt thing.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Melissa did! And her baby is awesome!

Did anyone close to you die?
Yes - my friend's father, unexpectedly. Very sad. My heart goes out to her and her family.

What countries did you visit?
I stayed home in 2009 - but I went all over this grand country of ours. So I think that counts.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Oh my God, this list could break the internet. I'll oversimplify this and say that I'd really like a bit more consistency in my life.

What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Probably the two worst days: April 16 and September 24. But I do have fond memories of February 1 (the Steelers, people!).

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I'm tempted to say, "Getting up in the morning," but that would be overly flip. Probably moving into my own apartment...that was really exciting. I also think that walking away from my relationship was a really difficult - but necessary - decision, and I have to continually remind myself to give props for that.

What was your biggest failure?
Obviously, the relationship is up there, and all of the stuff around it. Funny that it can be both.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Um...yes. A bacterial infection severely disrupted my life for two months, culminating in a four day hospital stay in late September. Turns out that it's really been affecting me for years; just not to this degree. I had a wicked sinus infection in January. I also pulled a hamstring for the first time, strained a quad, and injured my shoulder (the last two thanks to flag football). Good times.

What was the best thing you bought?
Since I don't actually own my apartment, that can't be it. I'd say the flat-screen I bought on December 29...except that it arrived broken on the 31st.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My family and my close friends. They got me through the year.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Personally, I don't really have an answer for that. How about all of those angry people who emerged AFTER the election? The time to have an effect on the process, people, was during the Presidential election in '08.

Where did most of your money go?
Probably to coffee shops so I could get online, and booze.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Doing my show in the first few months of the year. Moving into my new place. Spending lots of quality time in Sleepy Hamlet. Coming back to Brooklyn at the end of the year.

What songs will always remind you of 2009?
John Legend & Kanye West - "It's Over"
Keri Hilson & Lil Wayne - "Turnin Me On"
Jamie Foxx - "Blame It"
Black Eyed Peas - "I've Got A Feeling"
Drake - "Best I Ever Had"
Jay-Z - "Empire State of Mind"
Owl City - "Fireflies"

Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. Happier or sadder?
This answer kind of shocks me...but I think I'm happier.
II. Thinner or fatter?
Thinner, but not by much.
III. Richer or poorer?
Poorer, because I'm unemployed.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Working, I guess!

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending time online and at home.

How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas in California with my family - very nice.

Did you fall in love in 2009?
No.

How many one-night stands?
Zero. I'm not really a one-night stand kind of guy.

What was your favorite TV program?
The Wire narrowly edges out Mad Men. They're like 1A and 1B.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

What was the best book you read?
I read this play that literally left me sobbing at the end of it - and, of course, I can't remember the name of it. I also really loved a book called Free For All by Kenneth Turan and Joseph Papp, about the creation of the Public Theater in New York.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Maybe Drake? I think he's really great.

What did you want and get?
Independence, I guess.

What did you want and not get?
Several jobs I really wanted slipped out of my grasp, or just blew past me. I didn't land a new agent.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Up. So great. Pixar is highly underrated.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old?
I turned 32, and I had a fantastic day. Had some one-on-one time with a few good friends and my brother. It was low-key, and totally awesome.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think landing a summer job would probably have done the trick. This is a tough question to answer.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Growing up slowly.

What kept you sane?
My friends. The Steelers and Penguins both winning championships.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have a major-league crush on Kristen Bell.

What political issue stirred you the most?
I guess health care? After the excitement of the 2008 election, I didn't emotionally involve myself too much in politics in '09.

Who did you miss?
Maxine.

Who was the best new person you met?
Haha...this is a tie. I met several people while volunteering this summer, and as a group they are kickass! But I also have to give props to the woman I dated this fall - she is super fun.

Was 2009 a good year for you?
In a word - no.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
I don't know that I have one. There are certainly a few that I treasure:
- arriving in Old Village with the rest of my cast, and stepping out of the airport into near-perfect weather on New Year's Day
- getting In-N-Out Burger at midnight after the Steelers won Super Bowl XLIII
- seeing my mother like a little kid at the Grand Canyon
- moving into my new place
- volunteering and getting to "work" at the beach for a week with a great kid
- meeting a girl I really liked and feeling flip-flops in my stomach for the first time in ages
- seeing my best friend in her biggest production to date - and watching her crush the role
- going back to my Alma Mater and being put up in a ridiculous hotel
- my friend's wedding bringing so many Sleepy Hamlet cohorts together
- being congratulated by dozens of kids after a week at a high school and seeing that we had made a difference for them

Despite it being a lame year, there were some great moments.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
It's a tie. The night/morning that I broke up with Maxine was horrific. And going to the hospital after throwing up all over myself (I don't know how I didn't get the paramedic) and laying in a bed in the ER feeling the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

Where were you when 2009 began?
At Melissa's house.

Who were you with?
Maxine.

Where will you be when 2009 ends?
I was at the Flying Squirrel's house.

Who will you be with when 2009 ends?
With my friends.

What was your favorite month of 2009?
January and February were pretty good, but October was the best, despite feeling like crap.

How many different states did you travel to in 2009?
Twelve. But I won't tell you which ones. (Nice try, but I'm not ready to blow my cover yet.)

How many concerts did you see in 2009?
A couple of small ones, but nothing huge - which was nice for a change.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2009?
I went to a fun one in Sleepy Hamlet in October.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Yes.

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009?
Ooooh. I don't know...probably something from my agent.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2009?
Yes.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2009?
Probably.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be?
I'd probably end my relationship with Maxine sooner, honestly.

What are your plans for 2010?
That's an excellent question! I'm still figuring it out. I know that I need to put myself out there personally and professionally. I guess I just want to continue the healing process, live a healthy life, and continue to make myself happy.

Thanks for reading.

my 2009

2010-01-01T16:11:00.003-08:00

I started this post on the subway last night, thinking that I would put it up online once I got to my friend's house, before we began our low-key New Year's celebration. I figured that, for once in '09, I'd follow through with something I'd said I'd do on the blog.

Didn't happen.

I suppose that's kind of fitting, because 2009 was not the best year for me. I'm reminded of the '80s children's book, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day".

OK, maybe I'm being a little dramatic. But I did have a rather dramatic breakup, ending an almost eight year relationship. I also suffered from declining health all year, resulting in a four day hospital stay the week of my birthday. I went through the worst financial crisis of my life - I actually had to borrow money from my parents to pay my rent more than once. And the father of one of my best friend's - someone who I considered a friend - unexpectedly passed away. And that's just the big stuff.

On more than one occasion last week, I mentioned that I just wanted to get out of 2009 "without anything else bad happening to me," which is why I wanted to wait until the year ended before writing about anything. I thought I was going to make it through unscathed...until my brand new HDTV died yesterday afternoon at 3pm, ONE HOUR after I hooked it up.

Seriously.

It just wasn't my year.

I have cause for optimism, though.

Yesterday, on the subway, I was listening to my iPod, which was shuffling through my top rated songs, and up popped an old jazz tune by Charles Mingus, called "Freedom". It's one of my favorites, and it's the only song on the album that has lyrics. The words are actually pretty depressing - but the song struck a chord for me. Even though all of those bad things happened to me last year, I managed to free myself from some unhappy and unhealthy situations.

And I suppose that's what's got me feeling the tiniest bit of optimism for 2010. I feel like an astronaut on a spaceship just launched into orbit. Everything familiar to me has fallen away behind me, like the earth disappearing behind me in the rear view mirror. Ahead of me: the beautiful, great unknown of space, in all of its splendor and majesty. My future feels like a blank slate - anything is possible. If I wanted to pick up and move to Kenya tomorrow, I could. Sometimes when I think about that fact, it makes me sad, but most of the time I just have a sense of excitement and possibility, because I know that I can fully take advantage of any opportunity that comes my way.

One last note. I don't know how this blog factors into my future. The quasi-anonymity that I've got going on here can actually be stifling at times, and, even though I love writing, I hate feeling like I'm obligated to post here, especially when I'm not sure how many people are still reading. But I'm so close to the five year anniversary of the creation of this blog, and I feel very strongly that I should follow through to at least that mark. I'm going to go back to the attempted model for 2009: one quality post a week. I'll post on Wednesdays, with an occasional something in between. I make no promises for anything past February 3.

Hope that you all start off this new decade in a positive way. See you in a few days.

next post: new year's eve

2009-12-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

I need to make sure that I get through the rest of the year before publicly putting out there what I want to put out there.

Hope everyone is well.

guess who's back?

2009-11-05T21:12:00.001-08:00

Me!

Hi.

Long time no see, right?

What have I been up to? Well, I'm in Sleepy Hamlet, working my ass off. About to do another one of those West Coast educational tours. We leave this weekend. Going with one of my good friends. So that's exciting.

One of the reasons that I've been gone so long is that I got REALLY sick. I ended up in the hospital for about four days right after my birthday. The final verdict was a bacterial infection. I lost about fifteen pounds and didn't feel right for almost two months in total. I'm still taking five pills a day for another couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll be totally back to normal by Christmas.

Still recovering from the whole Maxine thing. I recently sent her an e-mail, which was our first real communication in six months. She wrote me back today and told me, among other things, she now has a boyfriend. I'm not as freaked out as I thought I would be. Then again, I don't have all the information yet. So I reserve the right to express my angst later.

Speaking of getting over exes, I met a girl here in the Hamlet that I like. I know that she likes me. I don't know if it's continuing past this weekend, when I leave. That's frustrating.

On the whole, however, I have to say that I'm fairly happy with my life. And that's a good thing.

I have to get up in six hours, so I will close for now. I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be back here soon.

limping along

2009-09-16T11:17:00.003-07:00

I'm treading water these days, waiting to leave for my next job.

Oh, did I not mention my next job? Hmmm...maybe that's because I've been the WORST BLOGGER EVER. What are you gonna do?

I'm heading back to Sleepy Hamlet. I'm doing a few months out there, visiting schools and doing shows (I did this back in '04 and '05 as well). There was actually a chance that I was going to move back there full time (this is what I was alluding to in the post directly below this one), but I got the word earlier this week that that's not happening. C'est la vie.

Anyway, as a result, I don't have much to do, and I don't have much money to spend, so lately I've been spending my days in my apartment, watching old episodes of MAD MEN and surfing the internet. The highlight of my day is generally when my brother and I have our daily conversation about our flag football team (which got shellacked last weekend). Livin' the dream, folks.

Off to have a conference call.

well, hello there

2009-09-06T15:38:00.002-07:00

Long time, no see.

Um...

To tell the truth, I've had a hard time deciding whether or not I wanted to continue writing in here. Anonymity is kind of stifling sometimes. Several times over the past two months I found myself nixing a potential blog entry because I was afraid of "blowing my cover". I mean, come on...half of the people who read this know who I am and where I'm at. Still, though...the last thing I need is for a director or actor to google my name and come up with some of the stories I've told.

Plus, in the aftermath of my breakup, I wanted to get away from a lot of things - and I think this blog was one of them. This place was one of my primary venting and problem solving spaces for that relationship, and sometimes I think that maybe this blog should go the way of that relationship.

However...

I have to admit that there's a life possibility out there for me that would give me a compelling reason to continue. So I'm kind of waiting to see how that plays out before I make any concrete decisions.

And I think a lot of my friends would argue that my life is infinitely more interesting when I'm dating...and these last couple of months have certainly borne that out. Seriously.

What do you think? Have you been jonesing for a fix of The Rover's latest set of issues?

let's try this again

2009-07-07T20:29:00.002-07:00

OK, I'm back.

Wait, you didn't know I left again? Well, I did. I had computer issues (again, this time with the actual computer) that prevented me from getting online again - two days after I got internet access in my apartment. What's next, a plague of locusts?

Before we go any farther, however, I'd like to have a minute of silence for my laptop's dearly departed DVD player (three weeks ago) and hard drive (Thursday). They are survived by the rest of my laptop, my iPod, and (thankfully) my external hard drive.

Thank you.

I suppose that my return to blogging is just in time, because I'm about to depart for three different fun places. I head to the beach for a week on Saturday; then, after a week back in the city I go to Sleepy Hamlet for three weeks; and then, after a brief stopover at home, I'm headed to the Alma Mater for a week. It's a full life.

There's so much to report on - how I'm doing post-breakup, how many random dates I've been on since then, how I enjoy living in my own apartment - but I'm going to save them for a time when my body's not running on a salad and twenty ounces of Belgium beer. I PROMISE that updates will now come more frequently.*

* - as long as nothing else freaky happens

i can't believe it

2009-07-02T15:07:00.003-07:00

I'm back, baby.

Yeah.

Internet in the crib. So nice.

Uh-huh.

I had the day off from my crappy temp job, and I've spent most of it on the internets, refamiliarizing myself with the lay of the land. It's been pretty nice.

So...expect to see me a lot more. But for right now, please excuse me. I have to prepare for my date.

Wednesday

2009-06-27T15:04:00.001-07:00

...marks my triumphant return. I'm looking forward to rejoining the virtual world. It will be interesting to see if I have any readers left...

guess where I am?

2009-06-15T16:02:00.002-07:00

A Starbucks.

That's right.

Time Warner Cable has failed me...again. Failed us all, really.

I have no idea when I'll be able to get back online again from home. It's one thing to go a week or two without internet access...but TWO MONTHS? It's ridiculous. I wish I had a better option. (I mean, there are other options, but they all come with super-high prices and/or data limits, which are non-starters for me.)

So...yeah. Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

(sigh)

June 15

2009-05-30T12:41:00.003-07:00

That's the date that my internet is supposed to be back up. You're actually pretty lucky that I'm not blogging every day right now - my days aren't very exciting. It's usually a variant of the following routine.

- wake up
- turn on NY1
- breakfast
- channel surfing (usually between ESPN, TLC, and MTV)
- gym
- home to shower/lunch
- coffee shop to internet
- home for dinner
- more TV (usually NBA hoops)
- sleep

Occasionally I'll hang out with a friend. But that's pretty much it.

I know, I know, it sounds sad. I'm actually feeling more motivation as of late. I'm hopeful that I'm getting back to my true self, post-breakup. And you'll hear all about it...as soon as Time Warner gets things going...

i graduated from college ten years ago today

2009-05-19T10:05:00.001-07:00

Wow, do I feel old.

Internet hoping coming in the next couple of weeks. Check back June 1.

a hiatus-breaking comment

2009-05-07T19:39:00.002-07:00

Because I have to tell someone:

You know what drives me crazy?

I go into a fine coffee establishment that advertises "free" wireless. Because, you know, you're supposed to pay for the internet by purchasing something, I do. A cup of coffee. A muffin. A cupcake. All of the above.

Then I find a seat. Pull out my laptop. Plug it in...and the f'n internet doesn't work.

Seriously?

You couldn't, like, put up a sign saying that it's down? Idiots.

I hate that.

internet hiatus

2009-05-05T16:57:00.003-07:00

Because I can't reliably get online, I'm going to hold off on posting for a while. I'm writing some things in my journal, and will get them up when I get internet in my new place. And that will happen whenever Time Warner decides to stop dickin' around.

Back soon, promise.

"each day gets better"

2009-04-29T14:07:00.002-07:00

Yeah, right.

Sorry for the blatant pessimism...it just hasn't been the best of days. I'm having a "bad Maxine day", meaning that I miss her a lot and can't stop thinking about her and want to call her and say why can't we work this out? Even though I know we can't.

I'm also frustrated because I don't have a job, and my New York unemployment (which was supposed to start paying me today) is all messed up. I have no idea when I'm going to get any money, and even when I do it probably won't be enough to live on. I'll be lucky if I can cover all of my bills.

And I still don't have internet at home.

I just want to fast forward to the end of May and see where I'm at. I feel like things will be better for me in a month. I'm just tired of being unhappy/frustrated/sad. I'd like an attitude transplant, please.

really really over

2009-04-20T12:25:00.002-07:00

We got together last night, ostensibly so that I could pick up my stuff from her place, but mostly so that we could have some closure. It was a good conversation, for the most part. We're pretty much on the same page, I think. Well, mostly.

It was almost fun for the first couple of hours, but the last ten minutes or so, when I was trying to leave - so painful. Lots of crying, hugging, etc. It was easily one of the worst moments of my life. I bawled like a baby.

Today, however, I feel much better than I expected to. Lighter, freer, sort of. The burden that I've been carrying around for the past three months is gone. I'm still very sad, and I know that will come in increasingly diminishing waves over the next few months, but the sun came up this morning, and I'm still alive. So that's a positive thing.

Now, if I could just get online from my apartment...

the deed is done

2009-04-17T09:52:00.004-07:00

I broke up with her last night. I don't have the energy to give a full blow-by-blow; besides, we're meeting on Saturday. I was just going to go over and pick up my stuff when she was gone, but she said that she "didn't want to end things like this", so there will be one more conversation. I've been crying a lot, but I think I've gone twelve hours now, so that's a positive sign.

I'm really, really sad.

I don't have internet at my place, so I will be even more scarce than usual for a couple of weeks. Looking forward to unburdening my soul soon.

today's melancholy

2009-04-11T16:24:00.002-07:00

I'm fairly sad today.

Today is my last day doing this show. This group has been together for six months; some of us did this play three years ago in Steak City.

Doing a play on the road is a funny thing. You are thrown together with a group of strangers, and somehow, over the course of a few weeks, you become family. It's always a little bit sad knowing that you'll probably never have the group together in a similar situation again. Sometimes the bond lasts; more often than not, you may exchange an e-mail or two, or chat at an audition, but that's the extent of the future interaction.

That's part of what made this production special - we got the family back together again!

I've been thinking back to the dinner break after our first rehearsal in Bluff City. The six of us who had done the play before went to a little restaurant, crammed into a tiny booth, and picked up exactly where we had left off. It was almost like no time had passed at all. It's rare to have that kind of a bond with your castmates.

Unfortunately, when something like this ends, you really know that it's not ever happening again. And spending six months with the same people...well, real relationships form. I'm as close to two of the people in this cast as any of my friends in my life. (Thankfully, one of them lives in New York.)

I feel so lucky to have spent this time working on this show with these people. And I am excited about what's next for me (more on that next week). But right now, moments before our final show begins, I'm mourning the end of this experience.

update

2009-04-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

Brief conversation with Maxine last week on the topic of our relationship - it lasted maybe ten minutes. Her perspective hasn't changed, and she still doesn't really seem to want to talk about things. The only reason why things were brought up is because she gets upset when I talk about taking off to random cities for jobs without talking to her about it. "It feels like you're just making these decisions unilaterally, without taking me into account."

"Well, if I'm not sure what the status of our relationship is, I kind of need to look out for myself, don't I?"

We agreed to talk when I get back; I think that will probably be the end of things.

So that I don't leave you all with strictly negative news, it looks as though I may have some interesting job options in the near future. I have to put together a couple of auditions, which could lead to some interesting storytelling (when I get over this hump and start writing regularly again). More on this as it develops.

the verge

2009-03-25T22:23:00.003-07:00

I'm having serious problems with Maxine, and I (we) are thinking of calling it quits.

I've been planning to write this blog entry, in one form or another, for the past two months. I managed to put it off for several reasons: I was moving, I was sick, I didn't quite know what to say, I didn't know what I truly felt or wanted, I was moving again, I was working, etc. So many excuses.

One of the main reasons why I didn't want to go into detail about this is because I feel like more and more of the people who read this actually know Maxine, and I don't want things that I write here to affect how they may feel about her. This is silly, of course, especially because many of these same people have been along on this seven-and-a-half year long ride, and have witnessed the ups and downs in greater detail than what has been written about here. Is there really a difference if I complain orally or verbally?

So (deep breath) here I go.

**************

The problems (this new set, anyway) started a while ago - we can probably trace it to this incident. There have been some "physical issues" dating back to the summer. I also remember feeling strangely upset and estranged from her in October when she left the country for three weeks. But the things that really got the ball rolling were:

1. Early December - she off-handedly mentions that she views me as more of a "companion". It bothers me, but I say nothing and forget about it.

2. Christmas Eve - I invite one of my best friends (who Maxine is estranged from) to spend Christmas with my family because she has no where else to go. Maxine flips out. We barely speak for three days, and then have a blowout on the phone.

3. Mid-January - we have a phone conversation about said "physical issues", and she mentions that she "does not love me in the same way"; she "is scared of being alone", and, once again, she views me as more of a "companion". She then leaves for a five day vacation.

It's here that what she says really hits me. I go into a deep funk for three days.

4. Late January - I have a conversation with my mother, who tells me that she thinks Maxine and I may be better off as friends. I contemplate breaking things off over the phone. I have a long conversation with my brother, who urges me to wait until I get back to New York. I decide to wait.

5. Lots of girls hit on me.

6. Late February - I come back home to New York. Maxine gets mad at me for seeing the same estranged friend from Christmas and mentions that she never got over it from then. We have a blowout, where we establish that we don't like a lot of the same things, and that I don't want to be in a relationship where my partner isn't passionate about me. I'm pretty sure we're done.

7. Early March - We have another prolonged discussion, where I tell her that I think she just sees me as a good friend to kiss and cuddle with occasionally, but that's it. She agrees. I'm almost certain we're done.

8. Mid-March - The night before I leave for the Icebox, we stay up late watching The Wire and fail to talk about the situation before I leave. Once I get to the Icebox, we have awkward short phone conversations.

9. Late March - Maxine comes to visit. Things are pleasant - fun, even, for the most part. The night before she leaves, we stay out late with old friends of hers. We get three hours of sleep. Again, we don't talk about the situation.

And...you're caught up.

************

It's proved very hard to talk to her about this. I have a feeling that she really doesn't want to deal with this, and she's shown a willingness to "settle" in a relationship, which is a quality I don't have. Looking long term, it seems pretty clear that this isn't going to work - a fact that has been nothing short of devastating for me these past two months. Short term, however...well, things are pretty good.

And, honestly, I'm really reluctant to move on from this because I'm so intertwined with her. I love her very much. We have seven and a half years of history together. It's very hard for me to picture my life without her. But, as much as I want to be with her, I also want to be in a fantastic relationship. And I see so many of my friends who are really and truly happy with their significant others...and I can't lie to myself. I don't have that anymore. I did once, but for whatever reason I can't get back there.

I've worried myself sick about this for two months, and I just don't know what to do. Or, more accurately, I know what I should do, but I can't bring myself to do it.

the madness has begun!

2009-03-19T13:43:00.000-07:00

I love the NCAA Tournament. Especially when I'm working on a show. That usually allows me plenty of time to sit on the couch and watch games.

My Final Four this year is Louisville, Memphis, Pitt, and (unfortunately) Carolina. I've got Pitt beating Lousiville in the championship game...

a visitor

2009-03-16T09:53:00.001-07:00

Finally warming up here in the Icebox. And I'm discovering that it's a pretty cool city. For one thing, things actually stay open here past midnight. If I'm hungry at 1:30 in the morning, I actually have several options. Amazing!

It's also a pretty great town for theater; the audiences are knowledgeable and also fairly young. The response to the show has been good, too (it's been good everywhere we go, though, so that's nothing new).

Maxine is coming to visit on Saturday for a few days. I'm a bit nervous because I've got four shows over the weekend, so I'm not quite sure what to do with her. She'll come see one of the matinees, and maybe a couple of shows that are also in the same complex, but still...that's a lot of downtime.

I'm also nervous because things have been pretty crappy between us lately. That's been one of the major reasons I haven't been posting the last couple of months; I didn't know what to say about it, and it's been the major thing consuming space in my brain. I'm working on writing something about it, but that enables me knowing exactly how I feel and what I want, which is part of the problem.

For now, I'm just going to go to Trader Joe's. That will solve one problem in my life - the lack of food in my fridge...

the return

2009-03-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

I'm back.

Battered and bruised and exhausted, but I'm here. Yay.

In the last city of my tour; we'll call it IceBox because it's frickin' freezing up here. Like, Arctic. Hopefully I'll have some hot gossip to spit at you.

The trip home was grueling. Maxine and I...well, that deserves its' own post. The apartment shit dragged on and on...but I finally moved in last Friday. Very exciting times.

Need to make dinner before tonight's show, but I just wanted to check in and let everybody know I'm still alive and in one piece. More details to come.

home sweet homeless

2009-02-26T12:53:00.002-08:00

Sorry, folks. There's been a lot going on in my life, but I don't really comfortable blogging about much of it in detail. And since the heavy stuff is what's on my mind, I'm better off not writing anything at all.

Yesterday, however, was an all-time terrible day. Consider the following sequence of events, in chronological order:

- woke up and had a "relationship discussion" with the girlfriend; let's just say things are in a precarious position right now

- found out that I would not be moving into my apartment this week, as I had anticipated, because the federal agency that has been screwing me the past six months wanted one mo' gin

- discovered that I had given away the door key to my old apartment, meaning that I had to wait outside to be let in

- discovered that I had not received all my W-2s/1099s, which was bad news, because I needed to take them to my agency-screwing on Thursday morning, meaning I had to make an extra trip

The day did get better; my friend took me to a basketball game. That was pretty cool. Still, there were several points yesterday when I wanted to climb back in bed and start all over.

Back soon, hopefully with better news.

the best laid plans...

2009-02-12T09:39:00.001-08:00

Remember my earlier blogging plans for 2009? Yeah, that's going real well.

In other news, we are now entering the fifth year of this blog's existence. I don't know that I had any grand plans for this when I started (and I really don't think I'm having that much of an impact) but I'm kind of amazed that this has lasted so long. Life takes funny twists and turns.

I've got a really hellacious stretch (three doubles in four days) coming up here, but I should have some interesting stories to tell - and I'll be back in NYC in ten days...

i love this cover

2009-02-11T22:32:00.002-08:00

It's not often that a magazine cover makes me laugh out loud. This one did.

Mobile post sent by Rover using Utterli. Replies.

25 randoms 'bout me

2009-02-06T15:02:00.000-08:00

This meme has been making its way around Facebook lately, and I thought it'd be perfect for F&G. Enjoy!

I've gotten tagged by, like, six people for this - figured it was time to do it. If you don't want to respond in kind, no worries.

Let's go.

1. The reason why I have the time to write this now is because I'm stuck in the house with a sinus infection. I usually get them at least once a year. Have you ever had a sinus infection? It feels like someone is twisting a vice inside my face. They are not fun.

2. I tend to have more female friends than male friends (including almost all of my exes; if I cared enough to date them, why wouldn't I want to remain close with them?). No idea why that is. I also tend to have random and contrasting groups of friends, some of whom do not get along. It would be interesting to get everyone in a room together and see what happens.

3. I have an irrational disgust for rock salt - you know, the stuff that they put on the roads during snowstorms? It makes my skin crawl.

4. Apparently I could read at age two. My mom thought that I had just memorized the stories, but then she would ask me what a particular word was, and I would get it right. At four I was reading the sports section, mostly for the box scores. "Jose DeJesus" (a former Phillies shortstop) was a name that gave me fits.

5. No one talks better Steelers football with me than my father. When the schedule came out in the beginning of the year (remember, it was one of the hardest schedules for any NFL team since the merger in 1970), I said to my dad, "If this team wins twelve games, they're going to the Super Bowl." And not to toot my own horn, but I also said to him in December '05 that I thought they could "win the whole thing". They did. TOOT.

6. I quit playing baseball my junior year of high school so that I could continue doing the musical. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had kept baseball as the priority. There are days where I'm still surprised I made that choice.

7. If I wasn't allowed to act anymore, and could do anything else on the planet, I would love to be a football historian. I love learning about anything in general, but I'm fascinated by the history of football: how it started, what marketing decisions they made, how teams were built, etc. I can't get enough.

8. I love my job, but I'm not sure that I'll still be acting in twenty years. I definitely won't be doing regional theater away from my own bed 26 weeks a year.

9. I rarely cry, but when I do, I'm usually only able to get out about eight tears. My body and breath may still be weeping, but my tear ducts just shut off.

10. I wish I was better at keeping in touch with my friends. There are so many people I want to hang out with and keep up with, and they're all spread around the country, and there aren't enough hours in the day to call and/or e-mail as much as I'd like. I actually try not to think about it too much, because it gets frustrating.

11. I'm VERY sentimental for the days of yore. I frequently wish I could go back in time to my days in Sleepy Hamlet. Or at grad school. Or undergrad. That's probably why I love Facebook so much, because I can keep in touch with all of those people.

12. When I was on our 7th grade class trip (nicknamed Cryfest '90), a friend and I (he shall remain nameless, but he is tagged on this note) came up with an ingenious rating system for foxy females - you could be pretzels, dough, or beernuts. The best rating you could get was a "crunchy salty pretzel". I'm pretty sure that (a) this ranking system was inspired by seeing a girl that I had a crush on in a swimsuit for the first time, and (b) being in Canada for the first time made me dumber.

13. By the way, I had a crush on (and occasional relationship with) that same girl for ten years. And I'm pretty sure that I was the one who eventually blew it.

14. This sinus infection is totally taking away my appetite. But if I could have any meal in the world right now, I would have:
- fried catfish
- fried chicken (by my mother)
- collard greens
- yams or sweet potatoes (again by my mother, whatever she felt like making)
- rolls (by my grandmother)
- sun brewed sweet tea (again, by mom)

15. You know the voice that I do for my mother? I never get tired of telling that story (much to her chagrin), but it drives me crazy when I hear other people who have never met her try to do the voice. She's MY mother, not yours.

(This is also the time where I admit that I sometimes sound like that, too. Ask my current castmates.)

16. When I was a kid, I used to wonder why my parents didn't listen to any popular music. Instead, they would put on records of their favorites -usually War, or Stevie Wonder. I liked their music, but I always thought, "They should be listening to all the new stuff instead of their old stuff. No way that will EVER happen to me." Well, I'm still up on popular music - but I totally get why they felt they way they do.

17. Speaking of which, if you came of age listening to hip-hop in the mid-90s, two films you have to see are NOTORIOUS and THE WACKNESS. It will make you long for a hi-top fade. Or a red and black lumberjack. With a hat to match.

18. One of the most annoying things about growing up black in an all white suburb was the stream of kids who constantly wanted to play with my hair. They would touch it. They would stick things in it. They would put handprints in it. They weren't trying to be mean, but it didn't feel good just the same.

19. Some people view me as a success. I don't. Not yet.

20. I still see streaks of light in my eye from that sucker punch ten months ago. I think I probably will for the rest of my life. Surprisingly, I don't think about that night all that often. But sitting with my back to the door of a bar/restaurant brings it back in a flash. I still haven't been back to that bar, but I really want to have a night where I invite all of my friends there and we take it over. Now, if I could just be in the city long enough to make that happen...

21. <-- This is my favorite number.

22. I have a lot of debt; some "good", some "bad". I'm not ashamed of it. I just want to get rid of it.

23. I feel like I'm the only one of my friends that doesn't have kids. Seriously, almost all of my best friends my age have them already. Most days I'm totally ok with that, but I will say that, in the distance, I can faintly make out the sounds of a clock ticking...

24. I love Brooklyn (and NYC in general) to death; it's my home. But I'm virtually certain that I don't want to spend the rest of my life there. I do need to live in some type of urban area, though. As long as I'm around some kind of city with a major professional sports franchise, I'll manage.

25. I see myself as a storyteller by trade. Some days I want to leave all of this behind, move into a cozy loft in a bustling metropolis somewhere, and become a writer. I could write about sports, or just tell crazy stories about life on the road, or strange things that have happened to me. I mean, I tell these stories orally all the time; why not write them down and share them? To me, it's a natural extension of what I do onstage.

Thanks for playing.

i am estatic, by the way...

2009-02-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

...over the Steelers' victory in Super Bowl XLIII. I've just been busy packing and unpacking and being sick to write anything about it. Thanks for all of the kind words and thoughts.

football!

2009-02-01T11:06:00.001-08:00

Sorry I've been absent the past couple of weeks. I've been going through some stuff in my head, things that I don't feel comfortable sharing with the world yet. And it was kind of hard to come on here and chat about random stuff. Everything's fine, no need for alarm.

Anyway, I'm here today to write about something much more important:

Super Bowl XLIII.

My Steelers are playing against the Arizona Cardinals, and I am very excited/nervous/anxious. I've been making my calls to my friends and family across the country, with everyone weighing in on the game. I'm having a couple castmembers over, on the condition that I can actually hear the announcers. If it gets too loud, they have to quiet down - or leave.

Kickoff is in two and a half hours. Must find something to occupy my time until then...

we have a new president

2009-01-21T10:10:00.000-08:00

And I am SO excited.

I got to watch the swearing-in and most of PRESIDENT OBAMA's (I just love writing that) speech before heading off to a student matinee yesterday. I wasn't as overly emotional as I was on election night; I just felt really, really happy. I smiled a lot. It was really nice.

I'm not naive enough to think that the honeymoon will last all that long, but it's just so nice to have so many people inspired by their government. I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

Old Village is like most cities in this country; if you want to go dance to some good music, you have to hit up a gay club. After the show last night, four of my castmates (two guys, who we'll call The Mayor and AC, and two ladies; all of us are black) and I went to get our groove on.

The crowd was more gay than straight, but there seemed to be a large number of straight ladies there. We walked towards the back of the bar, passing the restroom, along with a young lady who gazed hungrily at us as if we were dessert. AC and I sidle up to the bar. I'm standing there for maybe fifteen seconds when a young lady kind of brushes past me and stands leaning on the bar directly next to me. She pulls out her cell, glances at it, then checks me out. "Hi."

"Hey, how's it going?" I'm trying to be good, you know, since I'm so far away from my girlfriend right now, etc., so I try to ignore the fact that she's giving me every signal in the book. I look away. She goes back to the cell phone.

AC, who is one of the friendliest and most gorgeous men I have ever met, then greets her. She kind of steps over to the side and has a brief conversation with him, all the while leaning over my back. At some point, AC introduces me. We do a variant on the usual song-and-dance:

GIRL: So, what are you doing here?

ME: We're actors. We're doing a play in town.

GIRL: Oh my gosh! You're an actor? That's SO cool! I love plays! Can I come see it?

ME: Sure. We may be able to help you out with tickets if you want.

GIRL: I would love to come see it. I have to say that I think you guys are really cute...

She gives me her number. I've been in the club for five minutes. AC said he got two phone numbers from two different people in sixty seconds. As I was leaving the club, a girl was making eyes at me while she was hanging on to her boyfriend.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm getting this attention because I'm insanely gorgeous. I mean, I clean up pretty well, but I'm not that special (unlike AC). We're getting this attention because there are not a lot of black people in Old Village, and in liberal-leaning towns like this, black men get a LOT of attention from women - mostly white women. I guess it's because we're different, or "exotic", or something. I'm not quite sure why this is, but it's been a constant in my travels.

All of which makes it extremely hard to be good. I've gone out three times since I've been in town and have been given four phone numbers.

But I'm trying, Maxine. I'm trying.

drinking woes

2009-01-13T14:55:00.002-08:00

Finally kicked the illness. Went out for the first time in Old Village on Saturday night, which was very low-key. I drank cranberry juice. With a twist of lime.

For some reason, I decided to go out again last night. Again, I had a drink with a twist of lime. It was a Corona. The beer wasn't settling in my stomach too well, so I switched to vodka tonics. I'm not sure how many I had, but I'm pretty sure the number starts with a one.

Needless to say, I don't feel too great today.

And I'm also re-evaluating my relationship with alcohol. Three times in the past two and a half weeks I have ended up sick or violently hung over after drinking. I've blacked out twice in the same time period - and that's something that just doesn't happen. I'm still able to have one beer or one glass of wine with dinner and stop, but lately I don't seem to have the same control at the bar.

I'm concerned.

really sick

2009-01-05T19:18:00.000-08:00

I had intended to put up the first of what will hopefully be many powerful posts today, but a funny thing happened to me: I got sick.

Now, I usually get colds a couple of times a year, and my allergies will flare up on me in the spring, giving me red itchy eyes and a runny nose for days. I usually get a sinus infection every year, too, which is good for an uncomfortable few days, but I can usually get by with nothing more than Tylenol Sinus.

But this was different.

It was so bad that I really couldn't sleep. I could actually feel (going to get graphic here) the mucus swirling around inside my sinus cavity: tip my head one way and it would run down my throat; move it another way and it would rush out of my nose. I was coughing up phlegm with flecks of blood. My face felt like an elephant was stepping on it. I was in bad shape.

Fortunately, the theater company here in Old Village (where I am now; I finally gave the place a name) has an ER doc on call. He told me I had bronchitis, and was able to get me some antibiotics. I've been on those for 48 hours and I'm finally starting to feel ok. 75%, maybe? Thank God for drugs.

Anyway, now that I'm up and walking again, I'll hopefully be able to give you something of consequence soon.

the goal for 2009

2009-01-01T20:58:00.003-08:00

Last year, I decided to undertake a huge project: to blog every day for a year. I don't know what possessed me to do this. I know that I felt like I was a lousy blogger, and I wanted to try my hand at writing more.

I completed the journey yesterday, and there wasn't any real joy or sense of accomplishment, just relief that I didn't have to blog every damn day. It wasn't fun, you know? I felt like a lot of days I just cranked out crap, or decided to use a text message or e-mail rather than write down how I really felt. As December came to a close, I gave some serious thought to closing up shop all together. The whole last month was just a struggle. I would think of post ideas, but I'd just push them to the side. But writing meaningful "columns", for want of a better word, was the whole reason I wanted to do Blog 365 in the first place.

So, after careful consideration, I've decided to keep the blog going. I am planning on making a significant change, however. Instead of throwing something up here every single day, I am going to aim for one quality post a week; something of substance between 500-1000 words that I'll work on during the week and will go up every Monday. There may be weeks where I have more posts; there will probably be a couple of vacation weeks where I decide to write nothing at all. The important thing, however, is that I put things up here that are worth your time, and mine. I hope that you'll come along for the ride, and hopefully we can start up a back-and-forth in the comments again, like the old days.

One last thing. I left NYC this morning, to do a show in a new town with considerably better weather. (I haven't named it yet.) I'm staying in one of the nicest places I've ever lived in. It seems to be the perfect way to kick off a new year.

I think that, after the last 365 days, I deserve a bit of a break. I'm taking the rest of the weekend off. See you on Monday.

happy new year!

2008-12-31T20:36:00.003-08:00

Having a delicious dinner at Melissa's house. Hope that everyone has a safe and healthy New Year.

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an explanation

2008-12-30T14:40:00.003-08:00

If you scroll down the screen to December 20, you will notice a post entitled: in '09, i'm going to usher the following things into my life. An explanation is in order.

I have a friend who, every year, has a Solstice Party. There are several rituals involved in this party, but my favorite one is when people write down a list of things that they want to bring into their lives the following year. I guess it's sort of like a more abstract version of a New Year's resolution. You are not supposed to look at the list until the Solstice Party the following year, when you read the list and are mortified that you forgot all about learning to ice skate - or are pleasantly surprised that you did land an agent like you thought.

Anyway, I've been going to this party for years, and I always assumed that I had posted my goals for the year, but this is the first time that I've put them up on the blog. The list is here, and hopefully this will inspire you to make your own list. Enjoy.

headshot madness

2008-12-29T16:32:00.000-08:00

via e-mail, giving Trouble advice about her headshot outfits

I say stick with the magenta/fuschia/pinky red color.

i really enjoyed this game

2008-12-28T16:02:00.001-08:00

via text message with Snapple, who has a rooting interest in the Philadelphia Eagles

ME: The eagles are awesome.

SNAPPLE: what happened?

ME: They are BLOWING out the cowboys 44-3!

SNAPPLE: yay playoffs!

ME: Exactly. At minnesota next week.

i feel like warmed-over death

2008-12-27T10:44:00.001-08:00

Just a suggestion - if you're going to have multiple drinks - like, say, more than five - you might want to try eating something before your beverage consumption. Otherwise you could end up feeling like me.

Ugh.

a new york meme

2008-12-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

Name: The Rover

Job: Actor

Age: 31 (sigh)

Neighborhood: Big ups to Brooklyn!

Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
This is a great question.

Unfortunately, I don't have an answer.

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
Generally, the last one. I did have a fantastic dinner with Maxine a couple of weeks ago at Blue Water Grill in Union Square, so I'll go with that.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
In between surfing the internet, texting friends, watching TV, talking on the phone, I tell stories - or look for new stories to tell.

Would you still live here on a $35,000 salary?
That would be a raise for me, so yes.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
The Little Mermaid. I know someone in the show. It was pretty good, actually.

What's your drink?
It changes, depending on the time of year. In the summer, I prefer a hefeweizen. Winter demands Irish Whiskey or Scotch. If I'm "watching my figure", I'll go with the vodka tonic. And if I need dessert, I'm not above ordering a Kahula or an Amarula. But, generally speaking, I'm a beer guy.

How often do you prepare your own meals?
When my life isn't too chaotic, I'd say 90% of the time. When I'm in tech, or hopping from place to place, it's more like 40%. I prefer to cook for myself.

What's your favorite medication?
The prescription-strength Pepcid that keeps my acid reflux at bay.

What's hanging above your sofa?
Nothing. Which reminds me, do you want to buy my sofa? It's too big to fit into my studio...

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
$20. But I'm kinda cheap.

When's bedtime?
Ideally? 1 am. Usually? 2:30.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
I guess new, but there really are no winners with this question.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
No. I subscribe to a bastardized version of the viewpoint discrimination theory: either I give to everybody, or nobody. I'm poor, so right now it's nobody.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
He uses too much gold in his buildings. Otherwise, I think he's hilarious.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
The price tag.

Who is your mortal enemy?
I don't know that I have one right now.

When's the last time you drove a car?
Yesterday.

Who should be the next president?
The guy we elected. YES WE CAN!

Times, Post, or Daily News?
Times. Not even close. Although I do enjoy seeing the front and back pages of the tabloids every day.

Where do you go to be alone?
These days? The bathroom.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
A healthy disdain for tourists. That, and being able to give a person multiple routes to get to the same place.

christmas dinner

2008-12-25T18:47:00.001-08:00

This is the third of three meals we've made from scratch today. I'm not in shape to eat this much!

Here's hoping that you and yours have a very Merry Christmas!

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i thought she was serious for a minute

2008-12-24T15:20:00.000-08:00

via text - Maxine is home for the holidays visiting her mom

ME: How was shopping?

MAXINE: Well, i'm done so i'm happy!

ME: What did you buy me? ;-)

MAXINE: Hah! Cowboy boots!

ME: Great! I needed brown shoes...

MAXINE: Oops, well, i hope you like crocodile.

not enough time!

2008-12-23T11:21:00.003-08:00

I'm having one of those frustrating days where it just seems like I don't have enough time to get anything done. You know what I mean?

I promised my roommate that I'd go help her out at 3:30. When I made that commitment, I realized that I wouldn't have enough time to go to the gym and shower.

To kill the gap, I made a couple of phone calls I needed to make and took care of some paperwork. I figured that I would have enough time to knock out a couple of episodes of my addiction du jour (the HBO miniseries "John Adams"). But, alas, now it's almost 2:30. I can't even get that done.

This vacation has not been very relaxing.

fam comes first

2008-12-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

via e-mail to one of my co-workers at my side gig

Could you check with [the guys] and see if they want to pick up my shift on Sunday December 28? Trying to squeeze out a bit more family time before I take off again. Let me know...thanks much...

post-game texting

2008-12-21T13:56:00.001-08:00

text message sequence between my father and I after the Steelers' loss to the Titans

ME: Boo.

SANDWICH: Yes but now they do not play Baltimore in their first playoff game

ME: [My brother] says, "Yes. Now they can play them in the AFC Championship Game."

SANDWICH: Probably

in '09, i'm going to usher the following things into my life:

2008-12-20T19:34:00.002-08:00

- committing to my relationship (and/or committing to moving on from it, if necessary)

- continuing my climb out of debt

- work hard, work proud, no matter where
(acting, auditioning, gym, love, temping, fun)

- remember your friends - keep the bonds strong

- keep your word

- be the best person you can be

- do what's best for you, no matter how hard

- you can always be compassionate, though

- these (last) 2 things do not have to be mutually exclusive

- honor

- help Barack! the work is not yet done...

- own your career - The Rover's best agent is The Rover

- a continuously flattening stomach

- no regrets

- great sex. not good. GREAT.

- love, be generous

- make your new apartment your home

- family

- God - love, trust, believe, do not be afraid

slyde (an itunes meme)

2008-12-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

A meme I got from a friend on Facebook; thought I'd do something that requires little effort. I don't know what it is about snow, but it makes me want to do absolutely nothing...

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 12 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the game from. (I'm not tagging people, but feel free to do this.)

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Can U Handle It? (Usher)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Blow It Out (Features)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Jam (A Tribe Called Quest - what does that even mean?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Otherside of the Game (Erykah Badu - the actual music definitely fits my mood today)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Each Hour Each Second Each Minute Each Day: Of My Life (Maxwell - wtf?)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Best of Both Worlds (R. Kelly & Jay-Z - I can get behind this one)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
This Ain't Sex (Usher - ouch)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Steve Berman (skit) (Eminem - this is stupid - let's try this again:)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Living For The City (Stevie Wonder - much better...and quite accurate)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
In Our Time (Nancy Sinatra - she's basically saying we have better things to do)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Oh (Dave Matthews)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
That Time (Regina Spektor - ok, I can go with this one)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Guide For I And I (Thievery Corporation)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
When The Music Stops (Eminem - um, ok)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Wade In The Water (Eva Cassidy)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Suicidal Thoughts (Notorious B.I.G. - let's hope not!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Stormy Love (Rick James - that would certainly be an interesting, depressing wedding)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Jaspora (Wyclef Jean - not if I have anything to say about it)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Do You Know What Time It Is? (Kool Moe Dee)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Time Stops (Explosions in the Sky)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Always On The Run (Lenny Kravitz - that's probably what THEY think of ME)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Piggy Bank (50 Cent)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Stir It Up (Bob Marley & The Wailers)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Pay No Mind (Snoozer) (Beck)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Gotta Get My Roll On (Montell Jordan)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lost And Found (Will Smith - I do hate losing things)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Missy's Finale (Missy Elliot - again, this is no kind of answer...let's try again)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
My Lover's Gone (Dido - well, that's an answer that will depress my girlfriend, but at least it's an answer)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Every Time You Go Away (Brian McKnight)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Lady (Regina Spektor - no comment)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Satyam Shivam Sundaram (Thievery Corporation)

WHAT WILL YOU REPOST THIS AS?
Slyde (Bilal)

What did I learn from this? I have WAY too many songs on my computer. And this isn't very accurate. But I did get to listen to some cool tunes...

next year's top movies?

2008-12-17T23:21:00.002-08:00

Pajiba always has some interesting articles, and today they've got their stab at the top movies of 2009. Can we agree to meet back here in a year and check their answers?

The thing that excites me most on that list? A film adaptation of The Time Traveler's Wife - such a kick-ass book. I'll be seeing that on opening weekend.

dinner plans

2008-12-17T20:44:00.001-08:00

Is it appropriate to have Trader Joe's Spinach and Artichoke Dip as your dinner? Discuss.

a quick post behind enemy lines

2008-12-16T20:41:00.002-08:00

At Maxine's house - while she knows that this blog exists, she still doesn't have the address. Not sure if I'm ever going to clue her in on that one.

A good night tonight - hung out with a kick ass friend - we gorged ourselves on Thai food and Belgian beer. Excellent combo, although I can't say that I feel the greatest now. Hopefully a couple of tall glasses of water fixes that...

i'm trying to eat better

2008-12-15T19:19:00.003-08:00

...but it's hard when they're buying you dinner at work.

This is what's left. Notice that my willpower is no where to be found.

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inside joke

2008-12-14T12:31:00.001-08:00

Saw this in a Manhattan bookstore and had to send it to my castmates. We use this phrase all the time.

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football comes first

2008-12-13T17:43:00.001-08:00

via e-mail - turning down a party invite because i can't miss a big Steelers game - pathetic, right?

How goes it, man? Hope that life is treating you well. It doesn't look like I'm going to be able to make the party tomorrow - I have to do something at my brother's [house], and I don't think I can get back before 9:30 or so. Thanks much for the invite, though - hopefully we can catch up at some point and grab a drink or something...

xmas in the city

2008-12-12T19:18:00.001-08:00

So nice to be home!!

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i am freezing

2008-12-11T13:16:00.002-08:00

For some reason, the heat isn't working too well in my apartment.

I'm ready to move! Hurry up, building people!

did you see this story?

2008-12-10T14:08:00.003-08:00

Allegedly...a girl from Cleveland was on a class trip and lost her virginity. She got really excited and decided to text her friend. She accidentally sent it to her father.

Story is here. As someone who recently got a touchscreen phone, it's way too easy to send a text to the wrong person. So...the story isn't impossible.

The best part about this? The creativity on the web. Someone decided to create some other "embarrassing" texts - hilarity ensues.

getting on my nerves

2008-12-09T09:19:00.002-08:00

I'm on vacation this month. Because I am on vacation, all I really want to do is sit around and do nothing - you know, catch up on TV, read some books and magazines, see some friends, and (most importantly) not spend too much money.

Unfortunately, the people putting together my new apartment building are taking their sweet time, so I'm forced to house-hop for the month. StefStar is trotting all over the globe in December, and is being kind enough to let me stay in my old room. I guess it is technically still my room, since my stuff is in boxes all over the place and my name is still on the lease, but I did a pretty complete mental divorce when I left for Bluff City in October. Still, it's a place to stay out of trouble, so that's where I spend my downtime.

I've had it up to here, however, with my current roommate.

I said, half-jokingly, to a friend the other day, "I have no problems with someone who wants to lay around the apartment all day - as long as that person is me." And that's pretty much the issue. He monopolizes the living room. He frequently turns on the TV (which is always tuned to ESPN) and walks away from it. He constantly talks to you when you are watching TV.

He's not as bad as this roommate, thank God.

I know that the real issue is that I need to live in my own place and have my own space, and I'm super frustrated that I've been waiting for six months to move into this place. I logically know this. And yet I'm still enraged when he watches SportsCenter and surfs the internet at the same time, and I'm secretly thrilled when I enter the apartment and he's not home.

Does this make me a bad person?

you want me to fly when?

2008-12-08T11:21:00.001-08:00

via text message - my castmate and i found out that the theater wants us to get on a plane at 9:30am on New Year's Day

CASTMATE: 9 in the mornin fo real

ME: Um, no. I can't leave any earlier than 1. It just won't happen.

CASTMATE: Hehehe

ME: Did you talk to her yet? I'm about to call her back...

CASTMATE: Yes

ME: You agreed? Ouch...

CASTMATE: I'm leaving early from JFK

ME: Boo...

CASTMATE: LGA had two stop but you can go out of Newark

(five hours later)

ME: I'm on the same damn flight.

CASTMATE: Yay for me boo for you

ME: Yeah. I'll sleep

CASTMATE: I'll wake you up when we get there

ME: And for the layover too, please.

CASTMATE: I thought we were flying direct which is why we were taking that early one

ME: No. We have to take a separate flight...

Needless to say, we're not happy.

they leave me speechless sometimes

2008-12-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

via text message to my father, after the Steelers scored 17 points in seven minutes to come from behind to beat the Cowboys

Wow.

see this play!

2008-12-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

I highly recommend it.

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lazy

2008-12-05T17:35:00.001-08:00

That's me.

Too lazy to work out.

Too lazy to buy food.

Too lazy to upload my blog posts to the internet.

I think that I'll be over this in a couple of days. I think.

like coffee? you'll love this

2008-12-04T09:30:00.001-08:00

via e-mail to Maxine - she is a coffee enthusiast

This is about coffee. I think that you will, at the very least, appreciate it, and you may in fact love it.

http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/02/coffee/?em

Bon appetit.

trying to lock down this place

2008-12-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

via e-mail, to the lady who's in charge of getting me this apartment

Just making sure that you got my income breakdown. Let me know if it's ok, or if I need to make any changes. Thanks.

trying to get my friend an agent

2008-12-02T15:20:00.000-08:00

via e-mail with my friend Suri, formerly of Cowtown - trying to get her the hook up

Keep some time on the 10th open for my guy. Not definite yet. I'll keep you posted...

home again!

2008-12-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

The view from my cab, on the BQE.

Mobile post sent by Rover using Utterli. Replies.